Are you sure that the Mrs is not just thinking that by saying that, you will not return to gambling. If you look through the diaries you will find others who have been faced with similar ultimatums/statements from their wife and when they have plucked up the courage to tell them it has been either readily or begrudgingly accepted by the other half. You took marriage vows which included 'for better or for worse' -find the courage mate as you will feel better in the long run. Things need to come out and I am sure she would rather that you had the respect for her to tell her. You say there are things that have gone on that you do not wish to talk about on here-that is fair enough but all this bottling up is not good for you or your wife.
Be strong mate--you need to tell her
Stumper
Feel for you blocked,....,don't know what to say,like Stumper i have told my better half everything and she's been brilliant,they all react differently though!!!,you know her and are the the best judge,don't we get ourselves in so much s**t with our gambling.Maybe you could just say that you suggested Gamblock as you are starting to think about gambling again,and though you haven't gambled you feel that you need her support to ensure you don't,poetic licence in the extreme,but may help ?.
Best thoughts,
Seano.
Thanks all for the replys / advise support.
Well the moment has come and gone. Tomorrow got to travel early so not the right time at all now - If ever! Gotta hack through this on my own (apart from here)
Will catch up with how others are doing in the next 24 hours or so. Need some Zzzzz head tired. Take care all.
blocked. . Before you go running away just think your nearly week half without bet mate. .as some have stated it may come as massive relief tellin your wife. She probably knows. If i think back to g.a i think they recommend tellin loved ones mate. .keep the fight up i know you can do this. We all can.
Hi Blocked
From what i can see m8 you say your wife says she will leave you if you are gambling again.Well you are not kid.you may have gambled since you last spoke about it with her but you are not gambling now and you will continue not to gamble. I think it would be a good idea to show her this diary ,but not yet give it a week or two .Stay gamblefree during that time.Show her how hard you are trying.I hope everything goes ok blocked Jeff.
Hi blocked,
Cheers for the post mate. Tough one to call regarding whether to tell the missus or not. On the one hand it definitely helps having a bit if extra support but on the other hand there is no telling how she will react. Your diary is pretty powerful mate. At the end of the day it is your decision as to whether or not you think she needs to read it.
Either way mate you are doing great at the moment. 10 days is not to be sniffed it. Keep living every day like you have lived the last 10. If you continue to make the right choices you can beat this for good.
Hi Blocked,
Obviously I am from the 'other side'.
Way back when Jim(gull) left me 'that' letter about his gambling double life must be 7/8 yrs ago... well after we had sorted out the mess & Jim had started recovery I also said to him that it was the last time. Never again would I be taken to that level of hurt & deceit that the gambling life takes us and the man that I love. Divorce would be the only option if he ever did it again.
He stayed clean for 3 yrs then got complacent, thinking he was in such a good place he would now be able to gamble in a controlled manner!!! Yeah right, never works!
Anyway I'm rambling but when I caught him out, gambling. It was so completely different.
He truly realised that he was a compulsive gambler & always will be.
It was the sheer will & determination that I saw as he picked himself up and moved truly forward in recovery.
No more kidding himself, no more lies & promises.
He thought that he had finally lost me BUT he carried on doing EVERYTHING possible to get gambling out of his life. It was really hard for him but he still did it. I saw the commitment in his eyes.
I know he never wants to be that gambling person again.
We took it steady with no guarantee's on either side. Bit by bit we work our recoveries both individually and together. There is a lot of broken/lost trust to earn & build on. It took time. But we are a good team. I think it is working in so many ways. Jim has become such a different, better person. A person that I am very proud of.
So blocked... its your life... your decision. I just wanted to show you that I gave that ultimatum... & I bloody meant it. It wasn't supposed to be just a threat.
He will have completed a further 4 yrs clean come the 22nd April and I have every faith that he will do it.
Of course there is yet another side to all of this.... Your wifes right to know what her husband, the man she loves is doing with his life and their money. She should have the choice of whether she wants to live with a gambler... she cannot make the right decision for her without the facts!
The gamblers secret life is like an affair.... the 'Other Woman' in their life.
Thinking of you
Jackie
Hi Blocked
It is very tough knowing whether to be truthful or not. I have not told my other half through fear. Our relationship is patchy anyway but I feel that another revelation would be the final straw. But if she found out on her own, I may regret not being truthful as that would get me a tiny bit more credit if I did. Lots of us all hope that we will have the addiction conquered and as a result we will be able to keep those skeletons hidden firmly in the closet. Some feel that their partner is all they have to cling on to so do not tell as there is a strong possibility of losing them. If they left, we may throw ourselves into the gambling abyss and never return. I have felt like doing that before many times when I cannot cope with life's problems. Its a catch 22 situation so although I can give no solution, I wish you all the best.
G
Quick update : away from home again for a few days. All machines blocked with bet filters etc. Feel OK feeling stronger. Tired so cant hang around tonight. But thanks for all your supportive messages I will be doing diary rounds in the morrow. If every day was like today it would be so easy to stay bet free. Onwards!!!
Hi Blocked
Good to hear you are feeling stronger, nice to bump into you in chat again mate.
Stay focused, you have my ongoing support.
Hi blocked.
Great to see you have put some barriers in place mate. Sometimes prevention must come before cure.
It must be nearly 2 weeks gamble free for you now Blocked. Good man.
Hi Blocked
I know you are away for a few days m8. But when you get back post and let us all know how you have got on.All the best Jeff.
Blocked
The support and encouragement you are getting from all the people who take the time and trouble to post on your diary must make you feel very thankful and even humble mate.
Take a look at your post on my diary on 19/1/10 mate when you said that the phrase I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP was like a slap in the face for you.
Stay positive Blocked as it is all up to you mate, only you can stop yourself.
Stumper
Glad you are doing ok blocked.
Thanks for your support in chat, hope this coming week is another good one for you,
Take care,
f x
Evening blocked.
How are things mate? Your diary is one of the first i look out for on here. I don't like seeing it slip onto the second page.
Post soon mate and let us know how you are doing.
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