My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

I have found that over time the low feelings caused by gambling are eventually replaced by more calmer feelings caused because you are thinking less and less about gambling. Try to let gambling be part of life but not neccesarily all of your life.

All the best

Stumper

Blocked,you were so inspirational in my early days mate and its good to see you return.,unfortunately feeling down seems to be par for the course in our recoveries but the longer we go hopefully the better we ll feel...your whole attitude since your wee break away from the diaries has to be applauded...well done mate we can do this 😉

Thanks Stumper / wp - as always.

Yes Stumper god knows what this heavy feeling is. Plus it aint stopped raining for like 4 days now which does not help. And the kitchen floor is a d**n mess with the shower blowing - water everywhere.

Im normally ok at getting to grips with dark feelings, and dont think I have ever suffered long term depression but have thought a few times today how I would have liked to escape into the online world of gambling. Forget all the cr** for a few mins or few hours. But I wont. Shrugged that off and did a bit more work.

Wife is back in an hour or so after spending the weekend with family so im pleased about that. Oh and got a dreadfull letter today from a creditor who has or is doing an attatchment to our house. Its only getting worse 🙁 feel like running away from it all. I would happily be broke but debt free and with zero urge to gamble than where I am now.

Just ranting - it will pass. Onwards

Hi Blocked,

Good to see you back with us all. Just caught up with where you are at...seems you are a little miz? Running away from it all...know that feeling well Blocked. Put some nice music on or even go for a run without running off! May lift your mood a little 🙂

You will work through this Blocked.....if you feel really low then I would highly recommend the netline...a one to one chat sometimes makes the world of difference.

Jas x

Blocked,the stress and pressure can seem never ending at times when we are trying to sort out our financial mess....,a feeling i know very well.,trying to work out who and what we can and can't pay....,and we have trained our brains over a long time to escape into our gambling world at times like this....,which perpepuates the cycle.I know that certain financial matters have to be dealt with straight away,but those that don't need to be put on a mental "back burner" whilst you concentrate on recovery first and foremost for a while.Best wishe's.

Seano.

Hi Blocked.

Great to see you back mate regardless of your present circumstances.

I think we know that the only way to improve our lives is to quit gambling for good. Can we do it?

Yes we can!

Thanks Curly Seano Jas for comments & continued support!

1 Week clean. Should be happy but drowning in debt. Money came in today > money goes out today > hardly touched the surface of debt. A massive pile of unopened letters - most of which SCREAM Pay me now!

All are a direct result of my gambling.

Im worried I have quit too late - has the time run out to save what can be saved. I have no idea. Im not going to gamble today - dont want to. Feel angry - at myself - at the places I visited. At everything. Need to de-stress. When gambling I hid behind the false eye candy of bright lights sounds and the buzz of winning. Would always have that screwed up mentality of "well today might be the day I hit massive and clear everything in 1 go" never came. Never would. Need to clear my head as got lots of work on. In my job if i dont put 100% in it effects directly what I earn. Lets see what the rest of the day brings at least no more bad letters as postman already been with the usual 25 brown envolopes 😉 so bad I cud laff!

I went on a management plan...least they deal with the creditors save you being hassled..no long term solutions tho mate...am drowning on about 68k s worth but best thing is am not ADDING to it and neither are you so look on the positive side blocked,..we can do this 😉

Hi Blocked,i guess we all quit a long time after we should have,that's the nature of the beast mate,as you know i'm looking towards going bankrupt,that's the best route for me (rented house,so no equity),it most certainly wouldn't be your best or only option,as wp says he's on a DMP,and that can be an option you could look into? cccs are a charity and can help,worth giving them a call.Try to stay strong and focussed.

Seano.

Almost end of week 1. Horrible horrible start to the day. Called the Morgagte comp had a rough ride so to speak. They want full break downs of incoming / outgoings. I cant give these at the moment. Thing is if I stay gamble free I CAN clear the arrears in full within about 6 weeks, but they pushing hard and now talking court action.

Managed to buy 7 days grace by which time I can pay them another lump sum.(Paid £400 today) which normally would have 99% gone to gambling. I could hear her not beliving me. The humilation, but in a perverse way I was glad of that as If i needed to be punished for what I have done. Its like pay back time now I have to take it on the chin. Worked some then dropped the ball and needed to clear my head. Walked through my village grabbed a beer and sat a while. Dont play or gamble offline so im safe in such places

Feel less tense - and somewhat happy I have put 7 days between myself and my last bet. Didnt make a big thing out of it but today was my own test. I have a few k in the bank which normally would mean --- lotsa a fun followed by misery and guilt with gambling. Its almost all gone now but in the direction it should be. Onwards I hope.

Glad you're feeling less tense. Well done in staying strong for 7 days, especially with all your debt problems.

Good wishes

Lili

Into week 2 gamble free. Ended up having way to much of a late night yesterday. Feel like hell today as had some drinks with the wife. My own fault 😉

Other than that feel ok. Its not so much counting the days im bet free its more of what I do with each day and which problem if any I can solve or try to. Somthing that was not possible when im gambling.

Got an email from a place I played at in the past. offering xxx£ if I come back. Annoyed me as im sure I asked for removal from there d**n Spam. Junk mailed it after again telling them NOT to email me. Another day bet free here we come.

funny you mentioned that email blocked mate...the big blue firm offered me £50 free bets this morning through the post but straight away i ripped it up,now thats progress on both fronts...well done mate we can do this 🙂

Thanks wp and Lilly for your messages 🙂 And yes wp best thing you did was immediatly bin that offer!

Have sailed through today but no small help to fact spent a few hours in bed nursing bad hangovers. Have not really thought about gambling today at all. A few phone calls trying to get accounts sorted - but no headway on that one yet. Each day is a victory for me right now but at the moment this time round quitting has been somwhat easier that last time. Reasons for this unknown as of yet fully. Onwards ....

Blocked it may be a bit easier now because it is "your time" to quit,i made loads of half hearted attempts before i had truely had a bellyful of gambling.

Seano.