My first diary!

Flag,

Well done on the 39 days and thanks for your kind message on my diary. I also like to read your diary and enjoy reading your posts. I still have some way to go with my debt and hopefully will be clear by the end of the year. I had three seperate debts and two are gone and the largest one is coming down nicely. I am interested in reading about your experiences with G.A. I have never attended and don't think it would work for me although I am slightly embarassed to admit that because I promised myself so many times that I would go and never went. Coming across this site was the best thing that could have happened to me.

It is a good thing that you are taking your recovery one day at a time. I have applied this rule to different aspects of my life. What is the point in worrying about what is going to happen next week, month or year when all we have to do is our best for today.

Take care. Looking forward to reading your post on DAY 50.

Tomso.

Hi Flagg

Glad to see ur better and back with some fantastic posts , just love how ur word ur posts u speak with so much belief in urself but u also believe in others which gives everyone a real boost

U also make me smile while reading , ur outlook on life is so refreshing with little quips here and there I look forward to reading ur thoughtful words each day

So be proud knowing ur putting belief back into our lives with a nice big smile to go with it

Thank u

Castle2

Hello Morning,

Day 40 - Well he rounded those animals up 2 by 2 and kept them on his boat until today! The 40 days are up and life begins again! Unfortunately there is no link between my day 40 and the biblical story of Noah, my day 40 is just another day where I will not gamble on my own road to recovery! Will life begin again? Well in some ways life began again on day 1 and this new life is now at day 40! Is it a better life? To that I answer a resounding YES! I've got some issues and they need addressing but by not gambling I can now begin to tackle these issues and do more than ever before to resolve them!

Do I want to be on Day 400 Once again YES but I'm confident if I maintain the same approach as now, keep the barriers in place I will reach that day!

GA meeting last night week 6 and my first week with not a great deal to say about my week! I wasn't sure how I would find the meeting last night but I really enjoyed it I was able to take in a bit more than usual, listening to other people and even offering a bit of advice! I find having my diary and attending GA is a good partnership and for me a necessary one! Beating this addiction is tough going and if there is help available I would recommend it to anyone, utilize all the help available!

Right, on with the day! Thanks to everyone again for your messages of support I really cannot emphasize enough how much they help!

Day 40 - Not quite Noah but the flood water is rescinding slowly!

Hiya Flagg,

I will applaud you for doing so well I am CG and im on the fourth day of gamble free i agree it is a struggle and i got this urge to want to go out and gamble but i keep telling myself the reasons I need to stop and think to myself how low I felt after all the money I have lost over all the years I been gambling since 2005. You can see my diary i just started one yesterday. My journey on this path has only just begun but like you I plan to reach 400 days and more. Best of luck to you mate I will look out for you on here and see how you do offering support when i can stay strong hopefully now you can concentrate on your life and other things you need to sort.

Best Wishes Ricky.

Hey Flagg,

Thank you for your post on my diary,

A big fat well done on reaching day 40 !!! What a great achievement and long may it continue.

I hope that barcalona fund keeps growing with those pounds, its such a great place full of so many things to suit everyone, great nightlife, culture, fantastic food, music, art, clothes and SHOES, I think i may become addicted to shoes now lol.

Enjoy your weekend, and keep fighting the good fight, one day at a time.

Blondie day 25 x

Afternoon,

Big fat well done on day 40

Glad your meeting went well last night. You should be so proud that you are fighting this with every piece of ammo you have in your armoury .

Keep up the good fight, there can only be one looser here and it won't be you.

(of course I meant any gambling establishment , who will not be getting your hard earns dosh)

Dusty xxxxxx

Hi Flagg, thank u 4 ur kind words and support on my diary 🙂

It was nice talking 2 u in chat earlier, u r doing gr8!

Well done on 40 days gamble free u should be really proud of urself 🙂

Stay strong and keep going!

Good Afternoon,

Day 41 - all quiet on the western front today! Not much to say I'm conscious of coasting and I try not to with this addiction we need to be guarded 100% but today I can't help but coast a little! My day is pretty much planned I know what I'm doing I know what I'm not doing I have no money on me I don't want any money, my barriers are fixed and I'm happy to have them there! Just for today as its Saturday I'm going to stay chilled keep the gambling bug at arms length and have a 'Coast'! Haha I'm writing the above totally kidding myself I've just played football for 2 and a half hours, I'm not coasting at all I'm knackered and I havnt got the energy to move let alone bet! There I feel better for telling the truth!

Either way today I will not gamble and tomorrow I will write day 42!

Enjoy your Saturday everyone!!

Day 41 - Fatigued

Dear Sunday

Day 42 - I wake on a Sunday for the 5th week in succession and do not feel hatred or loathing toward the day ahead. This I have noted is a sign of the progress I have made.

I am pleased with my efforts so far and I can see some changes already but I have noticed some of my personality defects also pushing through recently and these I am not so keen on. The only plus side here is that I remain sure these defects were apparent before it was just I didn't see them because I was so self absorbed with the gambling.

As bad as the gambling was and the need to stop was critical, it was still a huge part of my daily existence and I guess in some ways I am still adjusting to this new life. I do want the new life I remain sure of that but I have noticed there are a number of bi-products to giving up some of which are pretty testing.

So, here is my attempt at analysing the first 6 weeks.

Positives:

Paid off all personal debt (the money owed to family members)

Entered a payment plan to pay off all my debts and have an end date written down for all of them.

Told the people I felt needed to know about my addiction.

Said people being very supportive.

Given over control of my finances.

Started to enjoy weekends again particularly Sundays.

Put £1 a day away in a pot so that I can go to Barcelona next year.

Generally treated those close to me better.

Attended 6 GA meetings

Negatives:

Loss of work motivation.

Struggled to get up in the mornings (work days)

Had a couple of injuries preventing me from running which I find is something I can focus on and fills time.

Being a bit moody.

Struggling to deal with things that would usually be straightforward, generally being on edge.

Having a slight obsession with money.

Questioning my mental state am I depressed.

I think the positives are great and I am so pleased to be able to write these down but in some ways the negatives have more weight than the positives.

I think I will make an effort to review the above process in another 6 weeks and see how I am faring then.

Ok, enough rambling on with the day.

Day 42 - Review Day

Hi Flagg,

Thanks for your post, but there really is only one Claret and Blue Team lol lol

Day 42 , wow your doing really well and to list so many positives , that's fantastic.

Try not to dwell on the negatives too much as these could bring you back down to have some dreaded thoughts, believe that it will start to even out and your moods will improve, it just takes time.

Keep going you are doing great

Smiling Lucy

Hey Flagg,

Thanks your post in my diary this morning. Ye day 6 today at the moment it doesn't feel like the days are going fast but i hope as the days do pile on that I will forget about gambling and stop worrying and just live my life and enjoy it gamble free concentrate on family friends my fiancee and coming on here regularly posting about my story and helping others.

I read your last post on here and I definately think your positives outweigh your negatives. Have you got a bike? if you can't run maybe you can cycle? Well done on 42 days gamble free that's really good mate. What are the GA meetings like im thinking of maybe going to one? I like what im doing at the moment with this site and all the support im getting so will see how I get on first.

Enjoy your Sunday mate all the best

Stay strong

Ricky

good morning Flagg, many thanx for your supportive words on my diary... congrats on 42 (43 today i suppose) gamble free days - you doing great job - i think positives you have written down outweighed negatives, so you going right way - particularly one positive is outweighing all them all - you have not gambled for 42 days and this is important... all the best. K.

HI Flagg,

thank you so much for your post on my diary. It scares me sometimes that im finding it easy and havent really had any urges that have been stronger than me yet, and i dont by any means want to get complacant.

I can totally relate to your negatives as i am experiencing these, lack of motivation, infact zero motivation, depression also, I went to my doctors 3 weeks ago and he prescribed me anti depressents, I havent taken them yet as i wanted to try my councelling first to see if i can get some spiritual well being and deal with what i am feeling about my dads death etc, im still not sure where to go with that as im definatly not myself.

I think you doing fantastic flagg, doing a personal inventory and review is always good as it allows us to acknowledge what we are doing well and what we need to continue to do better or work on.

Well done on 42 days, I know the positive list will continue to grow for you

Blondie day 28 x

Morning,

Day 43 - no two days are the same with this recovery I can safely say that! Monday morning and I was expecting to feel pretty rubbish today yet I woke and my mood was sound even managed to do a bit of work!

I then had a read back at my diary from yesterday and wondered where all that had come from, I know it was me but I doubt I would be able to get all that down today! What a difference a day makes eh!

Anyway feeling ok today and have a really nice weekend ahead Altho I'm trying not to think about that current its always going to be a day at a time for the foreseeable future!

I hope everyone out there is remaining bet free despite all the ups and downs we seem to have!

Day 43 - Just for today!

Goob morning,

Interesting post yesterday. I agree with those that say concentrate on the positives, but some of us take a more analytic approach to it all .

I know I do this, I do this cause I want to find myself. That way I can make the changes needed within me to ensure that I never go back to it.

Some people can just manage this by not having a bet today. Me I need more. By sharing yesterday I am sure many readers and most defo myself could relate to the good and the bad side of recovery.

It does get better, time heals, you keep going my friend. I will be very very interested in your next evaluation , but for today , I hope you stay as upbeat as you sound.

Dusty xxxxxx