This is the first time I have openly spoken about my problem in detail. My partner knows bits but not the true extent. I had been toying with joining this site for a while, but didn't want to stop gambling is the honest truth. However yesterday was a real turning point for me. I worked so hard up to Christmas and got paid a decent wage for it! As soon I got paid I gambled. I won 1000 but gambled it, lost it and then used the rest of my wages to try and win it back! Which of course never happens! Now I'm left with hardly anything! I have in the past gambled more, increased my overdraft, got loans etc. But for some reason yesterday it really made me annoyed with myself and I decided I needed to find help. I, of course knew I needed help before but didn't want to find it! My partner does not know about the events of yesterday, and will not. He knows I have a problem but I know that this time I won't let myself or him down! He's very supportive, thank goodness. He understands the reasons I started in the first place. Recently things have become clearer to me about my state of mind. I used to blame gambling on feeling depressed. But recently I have realised now it's gambling that is making me feel that way! When I don't gamble and have money that I've worked hard for I feel so much better. Then I gamble and I feel awful, so why do we do it? It started as a desperate attempt to get money (10 years ago). Now if I didn't do it I wouldn't have half the money worries I have now! Ridiculous! I gamble on online casino site, slot games. Today I have not gambled and will not! Tomorrow I will not! I do not want to do it. But today its all I thought about at work! Hate that distracted, sick feeling of thinking about the losses. That's something I need to learn to forget. Just focus on the future and staying strong! I look forward to reading other peoples stories and seeing comments on mine. Knowing that people understand is a comfort to me!
Hello, Your story sound all too familiar. I played that story out so many times over the years and then just last week I played it out again. The ending is never any different unless I don't go to gamble to begin with. My last slip was due to time, location and having some money available. Yes, it feels so good to finally have some money and then to see it go so quickly and have to feel sick about the time we spent earning it... lost... just thrown away. It doesn't get any better and it can get worse... I'm doing this one day at a time and I'm glad for the support on this forum. Thx. for sharing. I hope that my share validates how you are not alone in this. We/ I understand. All the best and keep coming back. t2
Thank you Tara. I have not gambled today. And it's a weird feeling if I'm honest. I almost feel more out of control by not gambling, as it had become normal for me! However I feel happier and think that 2016 will be a lot better ! I want to keep the money I earn and buy myself and others nice things not waste it and be left with nothing. I had a few big wins that was the downward spiral! It's never enough! Which of course is rubbish! I will be more content in my life with what I have, rather then what I could win! And more importantly what I will inevitably lose!
Happy new year, sounds like your in a great mind set and at the start of what will be a great turning point in life a fresh year and a clean start all the best look forward to following your story over the coming year
Thank you very much. I feel like I can really do it this time! Hope all is going OK for you
First day of a new year. Still having pending transactions showing on my bank account. Which makes me annoyed when I look at it. But I haven't gambled everything away this time which is progress! So the bank is not as depressing as it has been in the past! I can't wait to look next month and there just be normal transactions, nothing I feel I need to hide! Still haven't gambled and last night was a real test for me! I came on here instead and read some people's diaries, then went to sleep! I feel really proud of that!
Today has been a good day. A lot of thoughts of gambling but no action! I came home from work and just got on with some jobs where as I'd normally go straight online! Pleased with my progress so far.
Hi Chezbubb
Just wanted to say well done on the progress you are making. You are doing really well. I also think you coming on here to read diaries each time you get a gambling craving, will be really helpful to you and distracting. You will be amazed how much time you can spend on here at any one time.
Take care and continue with your good progress.
Feb.
Thank you! Today has been a bad day. Bad mood and struggled to stay away from online slots. Must stay strong but its infuriating why I can't just forget it.
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