Hi Spend
Thanks for taking the time to read my diary. Well done on 17 days!!
It’s really hard especially when you’ve financially ruined everything.
Good luck on your journey.
Day 46 begins.. I thought we were making progress but this is never gonna go away until we become more financially stable.. My husband is still (understandably) so angry with me because of the financial mess I have gotten us into. I transferred £20 from his account to my account y’day to buy school photos. He went mad, I showed him the proof and assured him i haven’t gambled and have absolutely no intention.
He said he doesn’t trust me which I get, he then went on that it’ll take years to recover from this, that we won’t be able to go on holiday next year or the year after and that there’ll be no Christmas this year. He looked at me with such contempt and disgust.. No less than I deserve..
I think it might all get too much for him and he’ll decide that he doesn’t want to stay with me.. I feel so down with all of this, it’s just so awful, and all could have been avoided if I hadn’t been so goddam stupid.
50 days!!!! No urges to gamble .. Just wished I would’ve done this sooner..
I can’t live in the past though so just got to keep moving forwards...
Congratulations Mispy on your excellent progress.
You have spent the last fifty days on an emotional rollercoaster ride which at times was very scary but you have come through it unscathed and are better equipped for the battles that lie ahead.
I see in this diary a lady who speaks the truth and possesses great courage, wisdom and understanding.
Time is a great healer and hopefully your husband will come to appreciate that you didn't ask to be a compulsive gambler but that you were just drawn in by bookmakers who use all kinds of ingenious methods to attract their victims.
Please please please do not get complacent. Many of your friends on the diaries (including myself) have gone for long periods without gambling but have been caught out by the addiction turning up out of the blue and filling our heads with foolish thoughts that we are cured and can have a small gamble. The addiction is very conniving and can masquerade as a friend but it is all just an illusion.
I wish you every happiness as you continue on your journey.
Stay strong, keep smiling and treat yourself with the kindness, love and respect that you deserve.
Stephen x
Thank you Stephen (sincerely) 🙂
Bit intoxicated ? I will never be complacent and I will never gamble again.. I know it (even in my drunken state or maybe more so because of it??)
”You didn’t come this far to come this far”
Appreciate your kind words.. Good luck on your journey xx
73 days!!! I don’t even count the days anymore, had to log in here to find out..
Still financially damaged.. Always working on that.. Life will get better...
Gonna implement some changes so that when I next log back in, I would have achieved more than just being gamble free..
Here’s to the next 73! Moving forwards..
188 days gamble free!!!! Still reeling from the financial damage I’ve done.. Some days it’s so so difficult to comprehend. I’m trying to move on but it just feels like we’ll be in this rut forever and it’s all my fault. Having to constantly stress about money especially when it’s a couple of weeks away from payday.
Sometimes I can’t believe my husband has forgiven me because lately I just can’t forgive myself. I would honestly lose a limb to be able to turn back time and never have f*****G signed up for that welcome bonus.. My life now is defined by ‘before’ and ‘after’ gambling.
It just sucks...
193 days!! Things can only get better
239 days gamble free!! ?
Just a reminder for myself.
So nearly a whole year Gamble Free!!
I’m not trying to be conceited but I always knew this day would come. I was absolutely adamant that I wouldn’t gamble again and I haven’t .. My husband would have left me and my family wasn’t worth losing ....
Life’s still tough financially and for me now my life is always defined by the BEFORE & AFTER... and perhaps it always will be.
I wish so much that Credit Cards would’ve been banned when I was going through my addiction as that would’ve saved so much financial heartache.
Good luck to all those who are just starting on their gamble free journey and to those who are progressing along.
You got this ?
Almost 17 months gamble free!!!!! Not gambled at all in 2020 - Still financially impacted and mentally scarred but I’m elated I’ve reached this point - Early days this was just a dream.. In the words of Gabrielle “Dreams can come true”
Well done fantastic you hit the year mark and a lot further thats great xx
Lou
16 whole days of not gambling!!!
So many mixed emotions..
Happy that I’ve got to this stage..
Sad because I ever got to this stage..
Devastated because yesterday my husband couldn’t go out to an event that’s been planned for months because he had no money.. The man earns over £50k a year and he had no money.. Because his wife gambled it all away..
Angry because I had no right to put this kind of financial pressure on my family.
I have no desire to gamble.. It crossed my mind about 7/8 days ago but purely because we’re so financially damaged and a slight thought passed through my brain ‘I could try to win some money to see us through to payday’
Other voice kicked in ‘No you can’t, it’s not guaranteed that you’ll win and gambling is what got you into this position in the first place.. plus your hubby will definitely leave you if you relapse for a third time’
I didn’t gamble and since then I’ve had no thought of it either.
Aside from the financial aspects, the last few months, I had started to hate the person I was becoming and how it was taking over my life.. Still wasn’t strong enough to stop though...
I’m sure the thought of it may flitter through my mind at some point in the future but I won’t succumb... there’s too much at stake.
Online roulette or my family, I’ll choose the latter every single time.
Payday is in 5 days and for the first time in over a year, we will actually have some spare money because I haven’t gambled it all away.
I’m soooo looking forward to getting our lives back on track.
This site has been amazing. I just wished I would have looked for it sooner..
Thank you for reading...
Stay Strong ?
Congratulations MissP on your inspiring journey of recovery. Now over a year and a half away from your first post which I have reprinted.
You have come a long way since ridding your life of gambling and in doing so you have shown a lot of common sense, great resilience and courage.
Although I am way behind you on the recovery road, I have passed the half year mark and your success has given me hope and brightened up the day.
Respect to you good lady.
From Stephen x
Thank you Lou 🙂
Hi Stephen
Thank you for your kind words 🙂
Well done on half a year! That’s a fantastic achievement and an accomplishment that you should be proud of.
Stay Strong ?
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