My journey

I'm always happy to chat. Tell me some more about what you gambled on? Also how you quit first time and why you restarted then continued? I just want to get some details to be able to discuss.

just an update of where i am at...might be long winded but its been a busy week.

on tuesday i went along to my first ever GA meeting and i was s******g myself and didn't really want to go, i only went to show my girlfriend i was serious about sorting this out. Thank god i went, it was so inspiring, uplifting and in a strange way reassuring that i could speak to other people who understood what i was sayimng and likewise. i was out of the meeting which flew by and slowly walked home in a bit of a trance. i'm still not sure how to explain it, it was a real eye opener. i will be going back and try to attend these meeetings weekly and see how it goes.

i also went to my Gp who has now reffered me to CBT (some people who try to find out why i make stupid/crazy decisions and gamble)......but in true NHS style i've got to wait months to get this help. but i'm sure it will help so i'll just have to wait.

I've also had my 1st appointment at Gamcare for a 1to1. the first session was mainly form filling in but i'm hopeful that this will help. it did help last time but i need to be more honest and not hold back i as last time i used the service i held back for the first few weeks.

all in all its been a good week, i've got a plan for my finances and have paid most of this months payments off and have a plan to pay the rest. My girlfriend has done me an excel sheet which details all of my debts and when/what i need to pay. before i came clean i had money coming out my account all over the show and most of forgot about. now i know when they'll be coming out and i can make sure i have money to pay them. she has been amazing help not just with that but with all of the support she has given me.

i've not realy had many urges to gamble, i have had the odd thought but at the moment i'm just focusing on sorting this s**t out and getting my life back on track.

i do have serious concerns of how i will do when i do get back on track, when i have money again and i have gained some of the trust from my girlfriend. my problem last time was exactly this and i thought i could control my gambling and it wasn;t a problem anymore. i need to fight this addiction from the rest of my life.

sorry for rambling, i just wanted to update you all.

good luck everyone and stay strong!

CHANGE.

thanks for your message.

my main problem for gambling is on online sports betting, mainly football.

the reason i started again was down to me thinking i was fixed, i had money in my pocket again and i got total access to all of my money without anyone checking. i thought for some strange reason that i could gamble again without any problems. looking back now, i'm sooo angry with myself for being niave to think i (an addicted gambler) could even attempt this.

We are both in the same boat except I've never gone a number of years bet free... I have only gone about 6 months bet free. This year has been filled with ups and downs and rather than having paid off my debts totally I have only managed to reduce them. It's incredibly frustrating and I hate myself more than ever. I am going to start a new thread today as I need to introduce a few input and get some new focus before I mess up again. Good luck sir and I'll watch out for you.

cheers bud.

all the best to you and i'm sure you can do more than 6 months. i thing i'm working towards is that feeling when you pay off what you owe and you start saving. This is my ultimate goal right now and i know we cann all get to this place if we stay strong and keep focused on the end goal.

i hope we both make it!

so i've not gambled for 2 weeks, my last bet was 16th Aug. I'm starting to feel the anger and i just want the weeks and months to fly by so i can get straight financially, build the trust back with my girlfriend and start living my life. i've got roughly 11 months to clear what i owe and get straight. i got paid on friday just gone and i have paid the majority of payments i needed to, the rest come out of my account on 1st of the month.

I keep banging on about the money side of things and i can see it might sound like i'm being selfish. i've found using this site helpful to get things off my chest and hopefully some of you can understand being in this bad place.

i do still think about betting as its always there, adverts on tv/radio/internet, bookies on nearly every street, mates speaking about it in person or on facebook. but i know i cant have it in my life as i have something in me that can't control betting, i loose control of my decision making and things easily spirral out of control.

one thing that is different this time round is that i have finally realised that this is with me for life and i can't be fixed or cured! that was where i went wrong on my last relapse, i thought i was ok and could let gambling back into my life. HOW WRONG WAS I!!!!

Sorry to ramble on and i'm pretty sure there will be loads of spelling/grammer issues, but i just got to type whats in my head so i can release my thoughts.

good luck to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i've now been to 3 GA meetings, 2 gamcare 1to1's and i'm still full of anger and P****d off with myself for being such a low life and wasting so much time, money and letting this horrible thing control my life.

i'm still to this day sorting out random payments coming out of my account that i didn't know that would be coming out due to my seriously poor decision making during my gambling.

one plus side is that i'm now dealing with each one as they happen and not just burrying my head like i used to do and end up in more debt, more charges etc etc...

i have still not gambled since the 16th August 2015 which is another positive sign.

having spent every day reflecting on my actions i have finally realised that this will be with me all of my life and i need to stay on guard all day, every day!

the biggest thing that i'm currently annoyed with myself about is that fact that i have ruined and not put no where near the effort into my relationships with friends, family and my gilfriend. if i had put as much into those relationships than i did gambling i would be in a lot better place and be valued by more poeple right now.

so my target now is to focus on all of those people i have let down and build back the relationships and finally be the person i want to be.

sorry for rambling and i'll hopefully be back soon with more boring chatter..

good luck all!

i had an up and down weekend. i keep having massive lows whilst i'm reflecting on what of a mess i've got myself in and worried of whats in store for my future. I hope i will have a positive future without gambling and all of the c**P that comes with it. My job is ok, not earning massive amounts of money but a reasonable income for my age and i'm so P****d off that i've wasted so much money and i'm currently working to pay off my debts. i know i should try to draw a line in the sand and what has gone has gone, but daily i keep getting annoyed that i have been so stupid. i'm so determined that this time i will beat this horrible addictiona and have a good life without gambling.

one possitive out of all ofb this is now i've not got a lot of money i've really cut down on buying c**P, fizzy drinks chocolate and i hopefully will be healthier as a result......always a positive in there somewhere haha.

i need to also get my a**e back to the gym (something i've been paying for the last 6 months and hardly been!!!) i always feel better when i'm getting back in shape, i have more energy and it more importantly fills my time up.

i got back to the gym this week, well one day atleast, but its a start. i've not had the best of weeks, i lost my head on thursday and really for the first time felt like there was no hope and i couldn;t beat this. i've still not gambled for 27 days and i know that this is the easy part for me, i'm the type of person who get obsessed with things and it takes over my life. stopping gambling is takin over my life which is good. but i'm still worrying about the weeks, months and years ahead!

my life at the moment is really busy, so i have decided to have a lazy saturday and too very little. let my body and mnd relax for a bit.

i hope you all are beating this horrific addictiona and stay strong, take each day at a time and we will together get there!

good luck!

For some gambling appears easy Bob. For others it appears to be a living hell. Gambling and recovery is different for us all. My 'lesson' as such was I needed to be patient. I wanted results yesterday. Abstinence and recovery sometimes takes time; rarely is it just a case of not gambling. Some get that lucky, but others, like me, need to work continuously at it.

Patience Bob, Patience

Tri

Well done Bob. Read your diary and from your opening post (when you questionned the point of posting), you've come a long way.

I like that your facing up to your past.

People say be kind to yourself. Self-compassion is important but this isn't same as avoiding our feelings about the past....When you start thinking about the damage done, money, relationships, this can (and should) create uncomfortable feelings...but that's good because it means your taking control. Does that make sense? I don't want you to feel bad for sake of it - but by doing what you're doing and facing up to your past, and sitting with those associated feelings, we're no longer hiding our heads in the sand. We can move forwards
Louis

Louis,

thanks for your post.

even since last week i feel 10 times better, i'm starting to see a future without gambling and the future looks bright. the last couple of days have been great. i feel in control of my destiny again and i know what i need to do to live the happy life i want to.

i will still come on here and post when i can and go to my gamcare couselling whilst that lasts and the GA meetings.

today is a good day!

Good to hear your feeling more positive Bob , Keep strong Buddy !!

hi all,

just a quick update. so i'm over a month and actually feeling alot stronger about the gambling or not gambling.

i've had ups and downs over the last 5 weeks, the up's are now more freequent than the downs and i feeling good about the future with my girlfriend.

i've been 2 GA meetings this week, these meetings keep me focused and it keeps the addiction fresh in my mind so i don't get cocky like last time i tried to give up. the last time i gave up i was focused for about a year or so and it was great to get my life back. i even saved enough money to buy a car. i have mentioned this before but it was a real milestone for me because i have never been able to save...mainly down to gambling and my wasteful nature. i did however get it into my head that shortlty after i got that car, i have beat it, i'm ok now and it started again with a small bet and bosh! there i went again into destruction mode and ruining all of the work i have done and get myself into debt, the lies etc etc.

i have realised this time round that i will be fighting this all of my life now and i've got to stay focused.

if i could could give one but of advise it would be to keep focused and keep using this site, go to GA meetings, see a Gamcare counsellor, see your GP, do everything you can to get this disaterous addiction beat or should i say under control.

good luck everyone and stay focused!!