[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I burnt my pizza. I can't do ought. 

Lol. 

Good morning Drama. Wishing you every happiness today and everyday.

Soz you burnt the pizza but if its de wurster disister to visit yer than enjoy today wiv yer mista.

I had some lovely meals over Christmas whilst staying at my sisters and thought I would share a particularly tasty treat with you.

Tomatoes halved with garlic and harrisa on top in oven for 40 minutes. Delicious.

Stephen x 

I still ate it Stephen. Waste not, want not! Also #Yorkshire! Hehehe 

Sunday. 

So I woke up early and absolutely Hank Marvin! The fact that I had American Hot (and very burnt) Pizza for breakfast should give you an idea of the level of hangover I had. It was massive. I ate the pizza and went back to bed. I slept till lunchtime. I stayed in bed till about 3pm watching movies and just relaxing. 

I went to the supermarket and got lot's of whoops'd deals. Stewing Steak, Pork Chops and Lamb Neck Fillet. We are gonna eat well this week. I made Hubby a Meat and Tattie pie for tea tonight and he absolutely loved it. He's got same again tommoz. 

I did my two cleaning jobs that I had left over from Friday. I did the first one well but had nought in the tank for the second so just tickled it. 

I took Hubby to the pub for a pint and now I'm watching SAS Who Dares Wins. 

I am in some considerable pain today. I'm having a flare up in my hands. They are 6/10 painful. My shoulders and knees are maybe 4/10. It's not unusual for me to get a flare up when I've had flu. One follows the other. However, I think it's worse cos I've not being taking care of myself. I don't spose I'll be hitting the Gym this week. Just need to ride it out. 

I wanna stay up and watch the Green Bay Packers game but I'm kinda scared. Hubby won't stay up and if I do then I may get urges. I've told him to put my phone by his side of the bed when he goes to bed as I believe that will stop me wanting to steal it and gamble. I'm trying to be good. 

I'm really thinking hard about just not having a Smartphone anymore and going back to a regular mobile even if it's just for a month or two. However, it's the enjoyment I get from Itunes and Amazon and Netflix and all that when I'm at my cleaning jobs. But I'm only at them cleaning jobs cos of gambling so maybe if I just get used to listening to the radio or loading movies on my Archos or summat. I have an IPOD. I could spend a few bob downloading tunes onto that. It's a real nice one. (It's blue) and it clips onto my clothes and it's real small and lightweight. 

Removing temptation is definitely key to success. 

Also, my dog has been really weird with me today. She's not left me ALL DAY. She stayed on the bed with me and was snuggling under my arm. She keeps sitting in front of me and staring at me. She wants to be in my lap and real close. I have walked her, fed her real well but she's not slept at all and is real fussy. I normally only see this behaviour on bonfire night or new years eve. She hates fireworks and gets real silly. I called Hubby this aft to come down and sit with her cos I couldn't get ought done but she still just wanted me. 

I was wondering like does she know summat's wrong with me? Like that cat in the Nursing Home that was in the paper cos it always stayed the night with the person that's gonna die. Just a bit of paranoia on my part but I could not figure out her mood today at all. She has finally stopped after a trip to the pub and is sleeping by the door. 

That will do for an update. 

Drama. 

So sorry to hear about your hands and shoulders  and knees drama. I wish I  had something that could take the pain away for you. Your dog will be sensing how you are feeling. She loves you and wants to comfort you. I hope you can get some rest tonight. Love you pal xx

My Bella was acting strangely too recently. A bit irrate, constant asking for threats and attention. I love her very much but today i told her to leave me alone on few occasions ?

We made peace with me making full English at 21:00 ?...she enjoyed it for sure!

Hope you're well. physical pain is not something we all like to encounter..other than age i usually blame weather...it was a bit wet one recently.

If it makes ya better, i have endoscopy soon. Heard war stories about it so residing for local..if not general anaesthetic. ...hay ho..i just don't like pain i Guess..even if i take a lot of that on.

Keep pushing on...it will keep getting better

S&B xx

Posted by: Murlo

So sorry to hear about your hands and shoulders  and knees drama. I wish I  had something that could take the pain away for you. Your dog will be sensing how you are feeling. She loves you and wants to comfort you. I hope you can get some rest tonight. Love you pal xx

I love you too pal. Very much. I am proud of your success and am doing all I can to replicate it. 

Drama xxx

On another note. It feels really strange being honest with Hubby about my sneaky gambling brain and how it thinks but I love the fact that he is really non-judgmental at the moment and just does what I ask. This is real progress. I am so grateful that he has learnt not to get angry mad at me. It makes me hopeful for our future. 

D. 

Evening DL,

It sounds like you have someone who is willing to 100% support you. 

Very similar to Mrs Bal and something that makes you feel grateful for.

I personally think its a team working together through an addiction.

Best x

When I first joined gamcare and entered the chat room I was shy and unsure how to interact. I will never forget that you paid me attention, gently coaxing and coaching me. It was like you were holding my hand. You are a big part of why I am where I am today so I am going to say it:

You are a good egg Drama!!

Posted by: SB28

My Bella was acting strangely too recently. A bit irrate, constant asking for threats and attention. I love her very much but today i told her to leave me alone on few occasions ?

 

We made peace with me making full English at 21:00 ?...she enjoyed it for sure!

 

Hope you're well. physical pain is not something we all like to encounter..other than age i usually blame weather...it was a bit wet one recently.

If it makes ya better, i have endoscopy soon. Heard war stories about it so residing for local..if not general anaesthetic. ...hay ho..i just don't like pain i Guess..even if i take a lot of that on.

 

Keep pushing on...it will keep getting better

 

S&B xx

Jist in case you missed that.

Hope today is better ?

Monday. 

Hubby slept in. I say Hubby cos he's my alarm clock. He won't let me have a proper alarm clock because he has some sort of misophonia over the noise of them. They literally drive him crazy so it's his job to get me up in the morning. 

I tried to stay up last night to watch the Green Bay Packers game but I fell asleep in the first quarter after the first touchdown. I am useless! 

Anyways so waking up at 8. I had to make some choices. I needed a bath desperately. I also am responsible for completing a dashboard report for my boss. I have to be logged on by 10 because that's in my contract. I do my 7 hours a day but have to be logged on for the core hours of 10-3.30pm. I can flex the other hours around them. It's a sweet deal. 

I chose to have a quick dunk and log on from home to get the report done. I emailed it to my boss and explained that I had been up late to watch the football and I'm ever so sorry about not being in the office but I'll come in at lunchtime. Then I put....please don't be mad. Lol. I also said I'll book next Monday off cos they are playing late again and it's a very important game so I don't wanna miss it. 

When I'd done the report I made myself a Greggs Sausage and Bean pasty for brekkie. 

My boss emailed me back to say that's perfectly fine and did they win? He also said it was cool for me to have next Monday off. 

They do say honesty is the best policy! 

Anyways, so I went to the office at lunchtime. I saw my mate P and we had a brew and I got some beef bourgenyon (or however it's spelt) and rice from the Deli for dinner. 

I took some snacks for the afternoon. Sugar Snap Peas and small Plum tomatoes and a Belgian Bun. All of the healthy food! 

I spent most of the afternoon on the phone with I.T cos I'm having serious access problems with very key systems. I did some reviews on paper that I'll have to backfill when my systems get fixed. I told my boss that I'm recording what I've done on an excel spreadsheet in a shared drive so he can see what I've done and that I'm not tossing it off. He was okay with that. I am not used to having to explain myself so much but till this guy gets to know me better, I think it's for the best. Once he does get to know me, he'll realise that I always hit target and he doesn't need to worry about what I'm doing. If there's an element of doubt, I will seek help but I rarely need it. 

I did my two cleaning jobs tonight like normal. Grateful not to have any extra shifts to do this week. 

I am feeling very positive today. Like I can achieve my goals. It's no good dwelling on all the money I've lost. All the work I have to do to pay it back. It is done. It's time to draw a line in the sand and move forwards. It's a real peaceful feeling. All that anxiety that comes with hating on myself is a big old waste of time. 

That will do for an update. 

Laters. 

Drama 

xoxoxox

Ooooo and a local hairdressing college advertised on FB for models with long hair for a cut and blow so I've volunteered so I'll be getting my hair done on Friday. Very happy about that. My favourite part is when they wash your hair. I love it! 🙂 

Drama. x

Green Bay Packers? NO WAYY! Its American team innit? Still have my favourite mug & a beer glass holder ? (bless my good Soulie...a person who used to be active on here!)

Yes, endoscopy sounds like a lovely procedure. Everyone asks me which way the camera will go in...so i was v eager to clarify that nobody will go through the back door lol..d**n that if they try. I will be outta place before they notice.

New hair transformation sounds great. What a coincidence that i will be sitting in that beauty chair in the morning (thats after this nightshift) ..so looking forward to sleep peacefully for a few hours while my highlights will be tended to.

Good to hear you're making progress with your recovery. ..it automatically allows better life too. Our dirty addiction kind of covers it all huh...

..so im.just pleased you're digging deep and keeping yourself safe from temptations.

Stay safe & sound

S&B xx

Just so lovely to read this before I go to sleep. You are doing mighty fine young lady and I am very proud of you ?

My Stress Bottle was overflowing today. 

I stayed in bed till 8.30a.m. I know it's later than yesterday but I didn't have a report to do so knew I could take a leisurely ride to the office and stop for breakfast. I got a bacon, mushroom and tomato sandwich. It was very tasty. 

I started work at 9.30a.m. My colleague B chatted me. She needed all the review data for x from Nov 1st to date. I was like the tools we have aren't built for that. It's probably possible to get but I can't just think how. She's like N needs it and she needs it like yesterday. I felt the sense of urgency that she gave the request with. I said I'll have a look. I ran some pivot tables in Excel. I couldn't use them to get what she needed so I tackled the raw data. I managed to drill it down and get what she needed but it was knocking on 11 by then. 

My boss asked me to update the Dashboard with some new information based on a meeting he'd had. 

My teammates were emailing the whole team about giving review feedback and the method they were going to use PDF and wanting to know how to edit PDF's and noone knew how to do it. I did like but they wouldn't just gimme time to finish what I was doing, they were gonna run with the original format without editing it. It's unacceptable to share data with a rubbish redaction method that people can easily remove so I felt hurried to get them told on that. They arranged a call for 2p.m to discuss it. I also pointed out that sharing review 1 data before review 2 has been done is inaccurate and asking for trouble cos the dashboard will always display the review 2 data and this will call into question the integrity of the review. 

I feel like I'm the only person in the team that comes from a risk and compliance background and I get rushed into doing stuff all the time to make sure that the team pass any compliance inspections but this is now the second day when I've been busy and haven't got any of my own review work done. 

I also spent this afternoon after the call helping people to remote access into a database. The guy giving the access instructions was no help at all. He was drip-feeding the access information but it was like getting blood out of a stone. User I.D but no password, password but no app. App but no root directory. I nearly lost my rag with him. 

I went around him to I.T and solved that problem too. 

I went on chat at lunch and I swear down my stress bottle was about 9/10 at this point. After chat I went and found somewhere quiet and had a cry. I felt better for it. 

Can't remember what the chat mod said. It was summat good but I forgot the advice. I'll speak to Debbie about it. 

I left work at 5pm. I only had 30 mins for dinner cos I wanted to leave asap. 

I got home knocking on 6pm because of traffic so decided to watch The Chase and just have some peaceful time before going cleaning. 

I did both my cleaning jobs to a high standard and just got home now. 

I helped the manager at the second job (she was working late on reports). She couldn't figure out how to work out one number as a percentage of another number so I showed her and helped her with some bits and bobs. She was laughing at me alot cos I couldn't get that daft antibiotics song out of my head from the advert. I wish I'd never heard it but it made me chuckle alot at myself too. 

All in all, it wasn't a bad day as such. Just being pulled in about 20 directions and I like to plan my days. Getting dumped on time and time again and people rushing important decisions and not listening to me makes me stressed. I am proud that I didn't snap at anybody cos I have a nasty tongue when I get mad. 

I am confident I can catch up on my own work and more than anything, I am pleased I am WFH tommoz cos I think I need the peace and quiet that I get at home. Hubby can be my teasmaid and look after me. 

He looks real worried about me tonight cos I've had to put Gel on my hands and knees cos they hurt. Hands maybe 3/10 but knees are 7/10. Hopefully they calm down now I'm off my feet. 

Pain helps me stay mindful. Can't help but stay in this present moment when stuff hurts. Stops me worrying about ought. 

Spose that's good. 

Gamble Free Drama Llama

xoxoxox