My lies, my deceit, my self destruction.....my life, my recovery, my one day at a time

Hi Sarah

Keep going and well done. When I had counselling it helped me a lot and I continued to pay privately every two weeks. Why not do that? Compared to the money I wasted gambling it was nothing.

Today marks the month mile! 182 days! What a journey so far! I’m still determined and never complacent! The urges come and go but I continue to fight.

Hi Sarah that is truly amazing you should be so proud of yourself Iv just come back on and u comment on a post I put on a while back and now just reading this post of yours has made me feel a bit better because I really have messed up again who do I go see to help me sort this out my family are still unaware of my gambling I really don’t want them to no I don’t think they would be to understanding but I really need help xxxxx

Hi Sarah that is truly amazing you should be so proud of yourself Iv just come back on and u comment on a post I put on a while back and now just reading this post of yours has made me feel a bit better because I really have messed up again who do I go see to help me sort this out my family are still unaware of my gambling I really don’t want them to no I don’t think they would be to understanding but I really need help xxxxx

Dear Sarahs16,

This is to congratulate on your 6 months milestone. So pleased to see that you are marching on and all the hard work you've put in to your recovery is paying off. Keep committing and keep focussing, you are doing amazing.

I hope you are also making sure to be kind to yourself and that you are taking time for yourself.

Wishing you continued success and strength,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank Maria and Eva,

The support I have received from this site has made this last 6 months possible. I still have a long way to go I know that but I remain as determined as ever.

Sarah

190 days gf today, feeling proud 

Hi Sarah,

What a story think back to just over  months 6 ago no control & needing help. Fast forward to today, debt under control. time for family a clear plan to put the past behind you and move forward. It just gets better finally the promotion you so richly deserve.

You know what like all CGs I have days when im tempted to throw the towel in and go back to a world of no hope and self destruction.  The next time i feel like that ive made myself a promise ill read every post of yours and see the journey youve came through. 6 months ago i not only think you could not have got through presentations, interviews etc etc. Im not sure you could have even updated your CV.

You are living proof of what can be achieved if we accept 1 We cant change the past but we can move forward 2 We are never going to win back what we have lost and 3 Determination to beat this addiction will always reap dividends. You are a true inspiration to all of us.

Onwars And Upwards Kidda

Stay Strong 

AL

Dear @sarahs16

Huge congratulations on 195 days gf. Not long to two centuries. 

All the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Dear diary,

so over 200 days gf! Missed this little place of sanctuary. I couldn’t  find my diary lol with all the new changes to the site. 

So what’s been happening......finished counselling, considered paying privately however, when i discussed it with my partner we both felt I had come a long way and we would see how things went. I won’t lie there have been days I would have given my right arm for an appointment but over all I consider myself in a much better place than 7 months ago. 

I got myself a new job....well I got my bosses job ha ha....tad stressful at the min but thinking ahead will be better for work life/ family balance. No more night shifts! Whoop! 

My brother.....still not by any stretch where I want to be. Spoken twice about things we have had to talk about. My son being page boy at his wedding etc. Still no real conversation, still no waves when I see him, his partner has made no moves to talk to me. However, I have still got an invite to wedding. A daunting day looms. Just going is making me anxious. Seeing my mother after all these years gives me a slight panic attack. But I will go, I will smile, I will see him get married!

thoughts on gambling.....still come and go....some days more than others. Just have to allow the moments to pass and bat those terrible ideas away. Life is so much better without the stress of it all. I may not be 100% better but I’m a 100% better individual without it in my life. 

DMP still going and will be until Aug 2021. Payments to brother ongoing also. 

Overall a bloody rocky road, one I am willing to continue, one I am committed too. 

Sarah

Dear @sarahs16 ,

so wonderful to hear your update, it sounds like you have made some real lasting changes and life is improving overall albeit with some areas still a bit challenging.

Please do be mindful that the wedding is quite a big emotional occasion for you because of the still frosty relationship with your brother and his partner, and what seeing your mother after years for the first time might do to you emotionally. It sounds like there is already some amount of apprehension around this (understandably) but do make sure you have a plan in place how you make sure you decompress/offload afterwards, how long you can/have to stay there and how you will be navigating potential conflict. Having a plan might just help manage the situation for you. 

Please remember, the Helpline and Netline are available 8AM to Midnight 7 days a week, you are very welcome to call us before or after or before and after for some additional support.

Huge congratulations again on your fantastic progress and commitment.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you Eva. 

Dear diary, 218 days gf. 

Yesterday whilst at work I found out that a colleague has left her partner as he has a gambling addiction. Emotionally this was very difficult for me. I found I couldn’t give her advice. I listened and supported her. Hearing what she thought and felt was heartbreaking. 

I am so grateful to my own partner. For sticking with me. I came home and hugged him. For I will be forever grateful for all he has done for me. From his practical and emotional support. For taking on the finances and allowing me to take the journey on recovery.

Just realised I did myself out a day ha ha. It’s 219 days gf ?

Hey Sarah

sorry haven't been on here for a while, but still gamble free!!

Well done on your fantastic acheivement.  I'm glad life feels a lot better.  I'm glad too that the situation is getting a bit better with your brother.  I know its not how you want it to be, but I am sure it will continue to improve, hope that the wedding goes ok when it comes along.

well done on getting a new job! hope that it goes really well.

take care

Stu 

So here we are on holiday. Peaceful, relaxing.....until we went swimming. 

To get to the indoor pool you have to walk though I swear it felt like a mile of Video games, arcades, slots etc etc. From 2p machines up to the big ones. 

I instantly felt my pulse raise. Fear, anxiety to a point of almost panic. In my head I was counting, telling myself to relax. Telling myself that if my 5 year old wanted a go on a 2p slot that was ok. 

But is it, what triggers would / could it inflict on me. What if my partner has a go. What if my little boy wants mummy to have a go? The situations that ran through my head! All in possibly a 5 min window. 

I only felt like I could breath again once we were out. 

Here we are supposed  to be relaxing well so far I’m not feeling it.