My lies, my deceit, my self destruction.....my life, my recovery, my one day at a time

Hi Sarah

Well done in reaching 34 days, excellent start.

I am trying to spread the word, please note I am not on commission, lol! but look at the book Allen Carr EASYWAY to stop gambling. It’s a game changer, takes all the stress out of stopping gambling.

Good luck.

Shaun

Day 37gf,

Doing ok I think. Finding the lack of finance hard work. Not because I want to gamble but just day to day things. The forward planning etc. I understand it’s a necessity in my recovery so I will continue.

Had a few stressful shifts at work. Been a tough week. No urges to gamble thankfully.

Thanks shaun for your post...will take a look.

Sarah

Hi Sarah- Thanks for writing so honestly, its been a privilege to read your diary. Well done on 40 days gf!- you are doing brilliantly.

I'm sorry things are not great with your brother. I think you've done all you can for the moment, its up to him to respond now isn't it, we can only pray that with time things will improve. I think the best thing you can do is focus on those wonderful relationships that are life-giving, your partner, your son, your gran etc... The positive nature of these relationships are helping you stay gf.

This addiction is absolutely terrible but it can teach us a lot about love, mercy, kindness and forgiveness- qualities that we have seen reflected in the faces, attitudes, words and deeds of some of our loved ones who despite everything have been there for us.

Its been great to talk with you on the 'chat'. Stay strong, take a day at a time. You can do it.

Thanks stu. Your continued support is extremely valued. I continue to follow your journey too.

My brother sent a text to my partner today and he asked if we were “all” ok. Don’t want to read too much in to it. But I’m holding on as a positive.

41days gf today. What a relief getting to over a month. Minimal thoughts about gambling. I truly feel like I needed my rock bottom to see it for what it was. First dmp and repayment to my brother made today. Feeling hopeful. It’s going to be tough, no doubt about it. Feeling love from my partner is keeping me strong. The playfulness in our relationship seems to be returning. Something that I had shy away from during my gambling height. I look back and see the inhad withdrawn from lots of relationships - truly saddens me to think what I had become. But not anymore. I will continue to try with every breath to take each day as it comes.

Today has been a good day, hopefully tomorrow will too.

Hi Sarah

sounds really positive about your brother. I hope and pray things improve, I'm sure they will do with time.

I agree with what you say about relationships. When gambling was a part of our lives it dominated everything, every thought etc... and so friendships were pushed to the side. To my shame there was one occasion when I didn't go to a friend's funeral because I was gambling. How awful is that? gambling turned us into terrible people. Unfortunately we can't turn back the clock, I would love to, but its not possible is it. We just committ to being gf each day and being the best people we can be.

You can do it, stay strong.

Hi Sarah

I saw positive change in Mr L amazingly quickly after he stopped. Glimpses at first then with continued gf time and GA attendance more and more of the old him came back. I still handle the money, he still has blocks in place and he still goes to GA weekly. The money will sort itself out in time but the mental benefits and clarity of thinking from giving up gambling seem to kick in very quickly.

Thank you for your post Lethe,

I too have seen a positive impact since stopping. As you say the clarity you get is profound. Long may it continue. I can’t change the past but I’m trying dam hard to change the future.

Sarah

Hi Sarah

your counselling seems to be really fruitful. Well done on 46 days!

see you in chat soon

Stu

Attended counselling This morning. Another positive session I feel. Very safe environment enables me to truly open up.

Still no urges to gamble.

Find strength in reading the recovery diaries when I find I have a little time on my hands.

Onwards and upwards

Whoop whoop Sarah 50 days!!!!!!! Well done. Keep going.

Well done on 50 days Sarah.

Im glad to see you taking up counselling and digging into the "why(s)" of your addiction. Its good to see thats going well and you feel comfortable to talk about it. Be honest and open up and a massive weigh will be lifted with each session. You've shown great strength facing up to this, keep going!

All the best.

52 days gf! Who would have thought it!

I honestly don’t think I would have got here without the support of my partner and the people on this forum.

Everyone’s advice and reassurance has and is greatly received.

Still taking it one day at a time and I am most certainly not getting complacent.

Been xmas shopping today and if felt brilliant. Knowing that we have paid the bills and repayment of debt and are able to buy gifts just proves how much I was wasting.

No urges to gamble I am happy to report. Whenever a flicker of the old me enters my head I log onto here and remind myself how far I have come.

Sarah

Dear Sarah16,

Well done for reaching 52 days GF. You sound motivated and have started noticing the changes in your life.

Stay focused and keep up the good work

Forum admin

58 days gf,

I’m happy with how far I have come in 58days! How much my relationship has improved with my partner, at how much better I feel as a person. My mood swings have stopped, the bank account looks healthier. Days out with my son now possible.

However, my addiction has ruined relationships with other family members I have hurt. I still have times when I feel lonely. The heavy feeling like someone is sat on my chest has lifted. I can put one front in front of the other. But I will never be complacent. This is a journey, not a race. This is a life long illness and one I will continue to fight.

I continue to attend counselling. My partner still has all the money and I receive a weekly allowance as such.

Each days brings it own challenges. The adverts, the notices etc. I don’t want to gamble anymore, I am done. I never want to be that person again.

well done Sarah

you are doing brilliantly. The most important thing is that the gambling has stopped and that the relationship with your partner and son is going well. Hopefully the other relationships will be fixed in time. Don't let other people's negativity de-rail you. Look forward to a brilliant gamble free Christmas with your partner and son.

Stux