My life with addiction

Hi Dan,

Looking forward to your continuing story, thanks for sharing.

Suzanne xx

Hi Dan
Thanks for popping by to my diary. Yeah I truly believe we have to get our own s**t in order to continue the recovery road. Well done on 8 years what a massive achievement and I hope to be there one day.
Cheryl x

thanks Dan

looking forward to the rest

tri

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your post and words of wisdom, it's funny but I have been asking myself why, what triggered it etc, more so since I have read your posts on other diaries, about finding the source /trigger and that is why I wrote it in my diary this morning, because by reading your posts to others, it's made me question me, some days I wonder how/why, other days I am just thankful I have for now got away from it,and the why's/how's don't worry me, and yes you are right, I would love to now be in a job, that helps people with all sorts of problems/issues, I would find that very fulfilling but theses vacancies are not easy to come by, Lol.

Thanks again for your post, and thanks for your support,

Suzanne xx

Thanks Dan, you must be able to read my mind, made enquires about voluntary work last week when I signed on, actually seeing an advisor at the job centre on Tuesday about this.

Suzanne xx

Afternoon Dan,

Hey thanks for your faith and support in me, I don't think I have any where near the experience, but you have given me another option to think about, Thank you for caring, and I hope you are having a good gambling free day.

You,are doing amazing with your gamble free YEARS

Suzanne xx

When I said experience I correct that, I meant confidence lol. I have had enough experience of personal gambling to last me more than a lifetime lol.xx

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your kind message,y

I was given quite a few options at my interview yesterday, thinking about it for a week, have another interview next week, its quite a long process I think,

Hope you are having a good gamblng free day.

Suzanne xx

Another great GA meeting last night 17 like minded people sharing their experiences & views on addiction. Working together as one to improve our present day lives & give hope to our futures. It truely inspires me everytime i walk into this fellowship of men & women coming together to tackle that which pains them. People from all walks of life people who may have had a bet yesterday or people who have not for 10 years. We all share the same goal. A goal that just for today i willl not gamble.

A subject that came up last night was control. Why do we seek to control that which is clearly uncontrollable. All our histories prove that when in action this thing controls us. Without the acceptance of this we are clearly going to struggle in our long term recovery. Step 1 guides me through the carnage my addiction created in my life, it points out that my solutions werent working for me. It asks me to surrender to admit i can never again gamble on my terms. It asks me to say,

I get it. What i do is self destructive. I need to change.

A weird day yesterday. Had to be@ Heathrow to pick mother in law up & the previous night someone who had been gf for over 2 years had been telling the story of his visit to the airport a few days earlier. How passing the arcade there had given him thoughts about gambling. A small urge came over him, no one would know, what harm would £20 do he could control it. He choose not to. He used all the tools he had learnt. He remembered how he behaves when gambling is in his life. He remembered that when he gambles he becomes powerless against it that his life becomes unmanageable.
Anyway im sitting in the waiting area when i hear the familiar sound of a machine paying out it goes on for what seems for ever. Must have been £500 jackpot.
My thoughts were i hope that brings you happiness & not the misery it bought into my life. The reality is it wont. It was probabley some poor soul with whom a win just brings temporary respite, before repeating the process again tomorrow or latter that same day. I mean who plays a machine while waiting for a loved one to return.
I then recalled how when i was gambling i would always volunteer to do airport runs, getting there a few hours early so as to have a few more hours gambling. A sad existence but that was the life i choose @ the time. No longer will i be that soulless man. Just for today i will choose not to gamble

Morning Dan,

Thanks for you post, you have reassured me about the feelings I have been experiencing, what a good idea to add another tool, but I have in a way today, OHs bonus has already been spent, can't use it now lol, it's gone a holiday,

Thanks for understanding, And reassuring me it is part of the recovery process.

Well done to you, on never getting complacent and choosing to keep on top of your recovery.

Have a lovely gambling free day.

Suzanne xx

Gambling is not my problem, reality is. Gambling was my solution to escape that.
Freedom from my trauma will not be gained easily.

The price i have to pay is a lifetime of constant vigilance.
It is one i accept i have to pay.

Hi Dan,

Gambling wasn't a solution it was a big horrible ullusion for escapism, and all it gave us was more grief and despair.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, you are an inspiration on here to me and others,

Have a good Sunday,

Suzanne xx

Hi dan

Thanks for the words you left, made me feel alot better. Still waiting for the dreaded call or knock at the door but I guess thats facing up to reality which we all have had to do. Your line' gambling is not my problem, reality is' is so true and I will keep that in mind when facing my demons. Thank you for the support and keep being strong.

Bex