My life with addiction

Thanks for sharing ☺

Hope you're well, warm wishes to your loved ones.

Sandra x

Hi Dan,

You're absolutely spot on in ur post. I realised how traumatic it is as soon as i pressed send.
Huge piece of puzzle is put bk in place.

Ps...i guess the only thing kids expect from their parents is love & safety...
.. yes, i get what you say.

Take care

S x

Hey Dan, thanks for that, (even though you have made blush in a nice way lol)

You have just put even more positivity into my day, thanks again:))))

PS Understand why you don't like counting the days now, but wow Dan it's good to look at that count occasionally, as it can remind you how far you have come and how much you have achieved in those days /years lol.

Suzanne xxx

​​Letting Go

​​Most of the newcomers I read about on here cling to the illusion (or expectation)that they either can or should be able to control their gambling. We must let it go. ​ The truth is, we are powerless over the addiction. It controls us. It will continue to control us until we surrender. You did not choose your addiction -it choose you. Although we are responsible for our addiction related actions, they were the result of choices dictated by our emotional illness. With abstinence,we can move away from illness & towards recovery, one day at a time. With forgiveness,we can begin the process of examining out innermost selves,as separate from the addiction & begin to make spiritual, value based choices, instead of addiction based ones.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

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Nice one once again Dan ☺

Thanks for sharing

S x

A fantastic GA meeting last night. It really is an amazing place to be a part of. Two things stood out for me last night. We had a fella at his first meeting,he had come to us on advisement from his support worker because his gambling had caused issues around his rent payments as it tends to di. He had lots of mental health issues, anxiety, depression, anger management,all of which were being managed with medication. We took some time to talk to him, get to know his situation. He was from Kurdistan had been here 13 years, no family no friends,no community. In short the guy was lonely. No wonder he needed gambling to alleviate his boredom and general frustration with life. It was the only thing that gave him comfort and maybe even hope. Seems to me that throwing people a few pills is a very short term view on how to manage peoples emotional well being. Maybe its the cheaper option thanks giving them what they really need? Anyhow people in the room offered him lifts so he wouldn't have to get the bus twice a week & one fella offered to give up his day to take him round all his local bookmakers & get him self excluded, so proud of the guy that did that. He was given a phone list and was encouraged to call anyone anytime he needed a chat. He also was told there were two meetings a week to come along to and just be amongst people who would listen.

Secondly a woman member of around 6months read her written therapy out. She had been fretting about it for weeks saying its rubbish embarrassing no one will identify with it. Well it was beautiful & everyone identified with it, not a dry eye in the room. Priceless.

O​ne Breath,

One Step,

One Day At A Time

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What a lovely post...All of us are capable of paying it forwards & I know it happens (it happens on here) & yet everytime I hear stuff like that it gives me hope!

Thanks for the response to the 155 stuff but once again it has left me wondering if perhaps I don't fit the mould! I accept who I am, faults & all, I know I can't go back & change stuff & even though I know not to regret the things I could have changed but didn't, I hang onto that regret because it is part of me! I grew up in exactly the same household as my sister, had identical opportunities, were offered the same food, hell we even wore the same clothes for a period of our lives & yes, we were from a different gene pool but we couldn't have been more different! No amount of soul searching will make me perfect but that's ok because I am human! I will keep it tucked away in the armoury, in case I need to work through them with a sponsor/counsellor further down the line but nothing I looked @ really phased me.

Keep it coming Dan, it is all important stuff but don't forget about being kind to you in all of this! Choosing recovery - ODAAT

day@atime wrote:

A fantastic GA meeting last night. It really is an amazing place to be a part of. Two things stood out for me last night. We had a fella at his first meeting,he had come to us on advisement from his support worker because his gambling had caused issues around his rent payments as it tends to di. He had lots of mental health issues, anxiety, depression, anger management,all of which were being managed with medication. We took some time to talk to him, get to know his situation. He was from Kurdistan had been here 13 years, no family no friends,no community. In short the guy was lonely. No wonder he needed gambling to alleviate his boredom and general frustration with life. It was the only thing that gave him comfort and maybe even hope. Seems to me that throwing people a few pills is a very short term view on how to manage peoples emotional well being. Maybe its the cheaper option thanks giving them what they really need? Anyhow people in the room offered him lifts so he wouldn't have to get the bus twice a week & one fella offered to give up his day to take him round all his local bookmakers & get him self excluded, so proud of the guy that did that. He was given a phone list and was encouraged to call anyone anytime he needed a chat. He also was told there were two meetings a week to come along to and just be amongst people who would listen.

Secondly a woman member of around 6months read her written therapy out. She had been fretting about it for weeks saying its rubbish embarrassing no one will identify with it. Well it was beautiful & everyone identified with it, not a dry eye in the room. Priceless.

O​ne Breath,

One Step,

One Day At A Time

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You summed it up well Dan. Priceless. Keep remembering!!!!!!

Yes lovely heart warming post Dan,

Suzanne xxx

Powerlessness & Unmanageability

Many times i have observed people taking powerlessness for granted or with a casual attitude . Understanding Powerlessness must be the foundation for any successsful recovery from compulsive gambling.

Accepting Powerlessness can be compared to laying the foundation of a building.A foundation has to be solid for the building to stand. A thorough understanding of our individual powerlessness must be solidly & firmly founded or we will fail to arrest our addiction.

We cannot deny that there is a psychological dependency upon gambling. Psychological dependency is verified by the medical profession & its important to stress the psychological aspects of addiction. To be specific , as dependent people we have an urge to gamble . We all probaably started out gambling for the same reasons: to relax, to have fun, even to make some extra money. But not one of us started gambling with the express purpose of becoming a compulsive gambler.

Whenwe talk of urge for the gambling dependent person, we need to be aware that it can & does surpass all other urges. The urge to repeat the experience of becomming "high" is so strong that we will forsake many, if not all, of our responsibilities & values. We have thrown away things that are seemingly important to us (such as family, jobs, personal welfare, respect &integrity) in order to satisfy the urge to gamble. We remember the good times & the occasional big wins we undoubtably had during theearly stages of our gambling & the psychological urge to repeat those experiences arises. Once the urge exists, it becomes totally self-sufficent, & will come to us in & of its own accord. We do not continually think of gambling , but the urge to gamble can occur at any time.

Reluctance to examine our gambling is as much a symptom of our illness as withdrawl. We often tell ourselves & others 2 but i dont need to gamble, i dont gamble all the time". Social pressures centered on the myth that willpower is all that is needed to control a gambling problem can result in unwillingness to study our powerlessness.

The social image of being macho or financially independent is very demanding. It is not easy for people to admit powerlessness over anything, especially if they have not experienced the social disapproval of uncontrolled gambking..

Negative attitudes are changing however, with the grsdual public acceptence of compulsive gambling as a disease. But the change is coming more slowly for the acceptence of some. Many times when talking to the family of a gambling addict, i have heard, Thank goodness its only a gambling problem & not a drug addiction. This kind of social attitude may interfere with people seeking the necessary help to control their addiction until a major crisis in their lives due to family discord, job difficulties, or loss of self respect & self worth.

Often the stress of daily life , gambling losses, family problems, job hassles & other factors directly relate to the continued gambling. This further demonstrates powerlessness in our lives,

An honest look at these symptoms will help us understand powerlessness. It will also help us deal with the self deceiving shadow of fear that surrounds our compulsive gambling.

Understanding & accepting powerlessness is a way to freedom. We will be releasing ourselves from the insanity, the loss of respect & the loss of of interest in activities that have beeen important in our lives. We will be freed of the necessity to withstand the depression due to our gambling . We will lose the faulty thinking (the deceit & lying that becomes so much part of us that we begin to believe our own lies). We will become less subjet to the moral deterioration & the loss of regard for our individual value systems. Ask yourself What am i reall giving up? You are really giving up misery, pain, discomfort & a fight for mere existence in your life.

Dependent people (addicts) have an X-factor. This is a physical powerlessness. The X-factor is so called because no one knows exactly what it is or why it exists. Many studies have been, & are being made, but so far , none have explained why some become addicted & some do not.

It is important to Know that we are not reponsible for the X-factor. For some reason, we respond with intense pleasure during our first stages of gambling. This pleasure or effect is what allows us to develop the psychological dependency on gambling. this same effect could have taken place while drinking or taking drugs & the same results would occur.

Dependency

Non compulsive gamblers may reach a level of pleasure while gambling, but the length of time that the pleasure sensation is maintained is much shorter than for those of us who eventually become dependent on gambling, This may be the result of the X-factor. It is afact of our existence. Similarly, some of us develop a heart condition or diabetes, some of us become dependent on alcohol, drugs or gambling & some of us dont. Understanding the X-factor & powerlessness is essential in helping us overcome the moral implication & social stigma which imply compulsive gamblers are bad or wicked or weak willed. It is very important to understand that we are not bad people trying to bcome good, but sick people trying to get well.

As we continue in recovery, we will begin to develop a program & a deeper understanding of how to live with compulsive gambling, when we understand it to be an illness we are not personally responsible for having. It is a progressive illness, & one that is more likely to destroy us than any other illness. If it is not arrested, it will destroy us totally as a person; not only Physically & emotionally, but spiritually as well..

As we develop a thorough understanding of compulsive gambling, we will begin to understand our personal powerlessness over our illness. We will not be ashamed to admit we are powerless over it, just as we would be powerless over any other illness. We will also learn that we will not be able to adapt our lives to the illness of compulsive gambling unless we have a thorough, ongoing recovery program in the same way that a diadetic or heart patient has an ongoig program to keep their disease in check.

Personal responsibility for compulsive gambling occurs when we have recognized it in ourselves, or others have pointed out the symptoms to us & we realise we are afflicted with an illness. At this point, it is self defeating to condemn ourselves for being compulsive gamblers.

It is imperative that we we study to understand personal powerlessness. It is apparent to me from my own personal history & from seeing the recoveries of many others that what has helped us the most to identify powerlessness was taking an honest look at what gambling had done to us. Instead of living as free & natural people , we were reduced toto fighting for survival in life.

The process of identifying powerlessness involves a certain amount of emotional pain, & dependent people seem to have low threshold of tolerance for pain. Thus, it is so important that we have an atmosphere of care, concern, & reinforcement in G.A & other treatment programs. Addicts seem to walk a tightrope in regard to the precariousness of their exact situation. We have to be made aware of the painful side of our gambling & then be given the emotional support as we work throuh it.

The significance of powerlessness in a personal recovery program is the essential foundation of recovery.

UNMANAGEABILITY

Unmanageability is related to powerlessness. Many types of social pressures prevent us from completely directing our own lives. There are two forms of unmanageability: social & personal.

Social unmanageability directly follows the act of compulsive gambling. There is little doubt that a compulsive gambler, after a loss, driving a car down the street is unmanageable. Someone who is gambling all hours of the day & night is pushing his or her body beyond the point of physic
al exhaustion. This person is unmanageable.

Unmanageability may be obvious in the number of bounced cheques or direct debits, white collar crimes, family arguements or fights before or after gambling episodes, but this behaviour is not unique to the compulsive gambler. Any person who gambles as much or as often as we do/did would act in the same manner. Often such behaviour can readily be pointed out in many peoples past. Think back to the missed family gatherings, birthdays & other special events that were missed due to gambling. Such behaviour could definitely be classified as unmanageability.

Our addiction directly affects every area of our lives. Our emotions & behaviours become affected. In the area of job, lost hours & shirked responsibilities are due to gambling. Many people want to deny the total effect of their gambling. A fairly popular idea in our society is that gambling is the demon in our lives. I respect that view, but to a very limited degree.Im more inclined to stress the idea that it is we alone that cause most of our problems, & not gambling. The gambling will not bring destruction upon a person until that person learns not to justify continual use & abuse of gambling.

Personal unmanageability relates to the attitudes & beliefs that we have about ourselves, our environment, & the people we live with. In many cases, personal unmanageability was ppresent many years before compulsive gambling.

G.A philosophy is that stopping gambling is not enough. We need to rejuvenate our personalities. We have to learn about ourselves on an intimate level. We have to discover what the G.A program calls our character defects & shortcomings in order to accept ourselves as human beings with both strong & weak points just like everyone else. There are some character weaknesses that compulsive gamblers do seem to have in common, One is self-centeredness. This defect has to be present in each of us for our illness to prosper. Selfishness seems to need a direct assault to break our denial system & rebuild trust in our concern for other people.

Another area of common personal unmanageability is the basic immaturity that seems to be prevalent in compulsive gamblers. It causes us to respond to life in a self-defeating manor. Immature behaviour can also occur when we are not gambling.

Immaturity may not be obvious. A person may be able to function very well when not gambling, but the least amount of agitation or disruption of normal patterns will cause extreme reaction. Overreacting is definitely immature. Any behaviour that would result in diminishing self-respect or dignity is also immature. Some examples of this would be temper tantrums, not sharing feelings or emotions honestly with others, insisting on having ones own way & the like. Such behaviour patterns enlarge & gradually take over a large part of ones personality.

Personal unmanageability covers a wide range of behaviour patterns because of the many variables within each person. We do have however basic common desires. We want to love & be loved. We want to feel worthwhile as people & in our everyday lives. Fulfilling these desires can be much easier if we meet life on lifes terms instead of trying to battle & mold life into our own specifications.

The realization that life is bigger than any of us may be hard to accept at first. Acceptance of this first step into recovery & all the implications that go with it, will help us to learn to try different types of behaviour, & it will allow a lead to attitude & value changes which will allow us to become comfortable with ourselves & others.

So i challenge anyone reading this to join inthe marvellous experience of becoming more aware of ourselves, our reactions to life, & the realization of our potential as persons. This can all be found in the continued working of the 12 Steps of the G.A program, which is based on understanding & accepting powerlessness & unmanageability.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

Hi you,

Might as well leave my footprints on ur blog also ☺..thanks for checking in on me, i am indeed close by to recovery and keep jumping over those ant hills (thank god no Everest in sight 😉 )

Another great post from you and thank you for sharing. Sometimes i have to read 4-5 times to get the message hidden inside lol (not only coz me no Eenglish)..but i always get there so thank you for being you and sharing your wisdom/understanding of addiction and one self...requires some digging huh but it's amazing to see what we find buried underneath.

Keep being real, take care of yourself

S x

Thanks Sandra,

I have an illness that is both life threatening and lifelong. It will never leave me, it will always remain within me, sometimes it will lay quiet and dormant and other times it will shout and push it's way to the forefront of my consciousness. ​

Willpower alone has in my experience a very poor success rate in dealing with addiction.

Barriers alone will not cure me. In fact when I rely solely upon them, my disease will use them to convince me that I have this beat.

When I concentrate on the symptoms of my illness (my debt etc.) my disease convinces me once my symptoms have disappeared that I am well again.

My sickness is very smart, it is very patient, it will get me to focus on all the wrong things in it's desire to remain the primary relationship in my life.

So an understanding has to be reached, a deal if you like.

What if I offer myself all the things in life that addiction provided for me. Perhaps if I allow myself to be open, honest, vulnerable. Perhaps if I begin to understand everything isn't about me. Perhaps instead of trying to control every aspect of my life and those of which I even remotely come into contact with, then the chaos may subside.

What if I stop fighting & instead surrender.

What if I throw out my misconceptions about strength & consider recognizing my weaknesses may be more conducive in managing my addiction.

What if just for today I changed my perspective and considered tying things that might work instead of looking for reasons that they won't work.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

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Great post Dan,

In other words whatever we do, surrender, let it win, do everything possible and impossible, no matter what different angle we try, no matter what we are feeling, it's still there, even when we think we have eradicated all the symptoms, so therefore it's a continous journey with this addiction/illness or like I always say a continous rollercoaster ride, even when we think we are in harmony with it. We never will be, all the time, but but if we can except this, we can live along side with it, and that is the only way to go forwards Dan,

My rollercoaster ride is going up and down, back to the start, (if needed) repeating, changing, and doing what I can to keep this horrible addiction dormant:)))

Thanks again Dan, you have made me think again in another way,

OAU always my friend. It's the only way to go.

Suzanne xxx

Thankyou Suzanne,

I'm going to let you in on a little secret about gambling urges. They don't exist...there is no such thing. What you are actually experiencing is an emotional response. It is a need to escape in a behaviour that will distract from how you are feeling about yourself or the circumstances you find yourself in at that moment. Your mind has through many years of experience learnt that indulging your addictive behaviour will give you temporary freedom from those feelings. Unfortunately addiction creates a whole host of new problem's and negative feelings about oneself that even more gambling is required to self medicate to restore us to a place we feel safe. This is the progressive nature of addiction, in the same way an alcoholic or a drug addict needs increasing levels of chemicals, the behavioural addict needs increasing exposure to their gambling.

So how do we escape needing to hide in our addiction. Well, we begin to face our problems, we learn to directly tackle what is causing our need to run away. Fear dictate's a lot of our decisions, it makes us make bad choices. Boredom, loneliness, dissatisfaction at your life, resentment towards others, not feeling loved or heard or unworthy of any kind of happiness are all common driving force's behind a reliance on addiction.

If all these negative emotions and feelings remain it stands to reason that you will continue to need addictions help in needing to cope with how you feel. Life needs to be faced and so does how you value yourself. When your open to change on how you view life and yourself recovery can begin, while you continue to spend your energies hacking at your external symptoms (debt) then that will end up the way it always has ...badly. So how to start the process. Barriers, give your mind a chance to calm down, where the option to gamble isn't on offer. Use this time wisely, get to know yourself, research your disease. See a trained psychiatrist, attend Gamblers Anonymous. re- connect with others, nature and most importantly you.

A fulfilling happy life where you will never need gambling again is yours for the taking, but it requires honestly, hard work and patience on your part to find it. I wish everyone well.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

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Brilliant post Dan. I'm struggling at the moment and a lot of what you said really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing. -joan