I've been reading this site for a while knowing that I am showing all the signs of a compulsive gambler.
A brief background...starting my gambling at a young age regularly going racing with my dad and grandad. University followed and I mixed university life with working in the local bookies. I'd always like a bet but gradually horse racing moved towards on line sports betting platforms. I'd never bet huge amounts in cash but the ease of on-line gambling and availability of easy credit to gamble on made typing numbers into the screen a very easy way to lose a lot of money!
At university I built up a credit card debt of around £3k and then I had the fabulous idea of erasing my debt but gambling on my credit card!! From this point onwards I was always chasing losses. Big wins were never enough and since I left uni at 21 I have built up around £30k of credit card debt. Luckily I've built a good career and earn a fair bit of money that I managed to get this debt down to around £5k but continued to gamble in the process. I've always known I've had a problem as at the weekends I'd be up late at night trying to chase more money gambling on random collage football games and research my next big bet.
I made a decision 6 months ago to shread the cards and it worked. Until the rugby World Cup started and I re-opened an account. This weekend I lost £1.5k in 24 hours.
I've never been debt free and this is my aim in 12 months time. I've taken out a loan to pay off the final credit cards and despite the cc having no interest this is a way I can control it as I cannot use this to gamble.my on line betting accounts are now closed via self exclusion facilities. My bank account is a joint account with my wife. I closed my own account 9 months ago to control my gambling as my wife hates seeing any form of gambling on this so I just don't do it.
Wish me luck - Day 1
You don't need luck, just some good barriers & a willingness to do what it takes to beat this! Welcome to recovery NeilDoug 🙂
If you've been reading, you'll know what is out there & will be able to choose what tools work for you!
We cannot win because we cannot stop...By stopping, we win everyday! Time to start really living - ODAAT
Good advice. In past periods when I have stopped I've always been happier, sleep better and enjoy life more plus I'm a pleasure to be around and don't have those massive unnecessary mood swings. Always had those nagging debts in my mind and I'm so impatient with this I just lost it and relapse chasing these amounts believing I could repay the debt by continuing to gamble! Even when I win I never keep it for long as I just want to win more to repay my debts. I believe my issue has always been with debt and i've seen numerous posts on here similar. Everyone has their own reasons for gambling but now I've finally come to accept my problem and the cause, things are now in place to help. Hopefully my diary of recovery isn't full of massive relapses but I will continue to post my progress as It helps with with seeing the odd person post support.
36 hours without a bet.
Still doing ok. No bets since Sunday morning. I never really struggle in the week as I'm far too busy at work to think about my next bet in the week. The hard part will be the weekend as the sheer volume of sport to gamble on plus Ascot champions day will test me. The saving grace I have is that I've taken away the ability to gamble on line as my accounts with large limits are closed. Just remembed I have one open with a £15 daily limit...need to get rid of that one as otherwise I will be tempted!
Just logged into the account that I had the small deposit limits with and look to withdraw the remaining £1 instead of having a bet - unfortunately they wouldn't let me withdraw back to a cc so rather than having a bet for £1 I pressed the self exclude button for a month to stop myself - this way I can't deposit more and I didn't want to gamble that £1 as I didn't know what dangerous cycle that would lead too.
My friend it's a pound self exclude yourself for 5 years that pound could cost you a fortune let the website have it or you will give it back times 5000 keep it up you can do this I'm sure 🙂
The bear
Day 5 - still gamble free. No urges - but my heavy gambling always occurs at weekends. I am really busy this weekend so that is good as if I was at home all weekend I might struggle.
Day 6 - all good again and even managed to watch the last 15 mins of the rugby without reaching for a bet..,although it helps knowing that I have no means to gambling the self exclude feature is there and those cc are gone. I actually enjoyed watching the game without stressing about how many points were being scored!! Busy all day Sat so that will help. Going to the rugby on Sunday and the last rugby match I went to watch I had £2k riding on the outcome. Sunday will be different as I'll be going as a spectator to enjoy it rather than thinking about what to bet on.
Relapsed again this weekend - now I'm here at 5am in the morning not able to sleep. Whilst the amount was only £20 I'm really disappointed in myself as I thought I could do it. The money isn't as important as the impact it has on my life. Sunday should have been a really enjoyable day for my seeing my friends and watching the rugby but now I'll be tired as likely to only have had 2-3 hours sleep and just look forward to getting home to try and catch up on some sleep - all because I had to stay awake overnight to gradually watch my £20 lose. Why do we do this?!!!
When you have lost £2k in one day £20 is small in comparison. But I know that the amount lost is irrelevant as whether it is 50p or £50k it still leads to the same behavioural traits and problems. I'm determined to beat this. No bet today and went to the most amazing rugby game and just enjoyed it. I can beat this and all your messages from of support really help. Thank you
I'm struggling. Thought I would be ok but got given a free bet offer and away I went again...losIng another £500 in 3 hours on stupid pointless rugby matches that I don't even care about!! I just need to ban myself from the one remaining site. Why do I do this!!! I'm so annoyed with myself
Have you considered counselling or other help like GA?
I just need to take away the ability to gamble by cancelling my credit card. I did it successfully for 7 months by just shredding my cards...but then re-opened a card and away I went! If you take away the ability to gamble I won't do it as I have shown before. I have just been weak over the last couple of weeks and need to sort myself out. Another £1,000 gambled away today.
Hi there , My names Alan , and like you I'm a compulsive gambler !. So why don't you use today to exclude yourself from all remaining sites and shred your cards again as you said you did before ?. And as for the free bet ? Whats free when you give them another £500 of your own money ? Nothings for nothing and it certainly isn't where bookies are concerned . If your serious about stopping then its time to go the whole hog and put all those blocks in place my friend !. Best wishes for your recovery Neil .......... Alan who will not gamble today !!!
Thanks for all the support everyone. As one post says I got myself back into this hole. Just need to take away that one remaining cc. I'll keep you updated. Thanks
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