My new diary by kyle the CG

I just posted to you Kyle on the intro page. Spooky or what ???..well done on starting a diary. ..your story is so familiar mate that your past experiences WILL help others along the way. .chin up paydays will come and go,you can do this. .post regular as well as get other blocks in place and you'll be ok 😉

Welcome to the diary and good luck Kyle

Simon

Thank you guys.

This feels so great to be back. Why did i leave 3 years ago. Arrggghhhh! Im not going to do the whole 'if only' thing as it would be just too painful. The next few days i just be checking out other posts and reminding myself of the dangers. My day 1 is the 19th. From there its all on me

'If i stop now, I will never know what the next number would have been. If I never start, I wont care'

Not really been able to sleep. Just been reading through a few posts. Even posted to a few diaries giving my advice. I guess we are all experts in a way. And i mean that genuinely!

Been thinking about those FOBT'S. I dont really venture into betting shops any more thankfully. But ive still had a few plays. The way i see it is if the machine is SET to a 93% payout or whatever it stands to reason that it cant be random. It must get the right to choose when someone can win. Lets say a brand new machine comes in and im 1st to play on it. I play a £10 chip on a single number. If i win. The machine is £350 down. If i have the sense to cash out (if this analogy is too difficult to believe, substitute me for a normal person) that leaves the machine at a deficit and that could never happen. Ergo the computer knew my number could not come up and I could not win. So my 1st bet was not a randomn chance. I could never have won that bet and the machine had already worked that out. Is that cheating???? I dunno. The debate is fierce but as long as the bookies stick to their PAYOUT PERCENTAGE, they can claim the machine is random. I just wonder what legal definition they have invented for the word.

Anyway i dunno. Im the idiot that has played them so what does that say about my intelligience.

Hey Kyle.

It's a good move coming here.

I get paid the same time as you and i'm dreading it........ Not because i will gamble, but because anything spare is being thrown at the 41+k i have lost. No savings and shedloads to pay off.

This is what happens when we gamble. WE LOSE. It's a hard thing to come to terms with for people like us. But we have to, otherwise, what kind of life can we look forward to?

Keep strong, as hard as it is, it's what we have to do.

Best wishes mate!

Hi Kyle,

I have read your intro post,great open and honest it is too:),i'm sure many on here will relate to it:),just wanted to say well done for re-starting a diary,and never ever lose sight of the fact that it's your diary,and the main purpose is for you to use it as a tool in recovery,the diaries do get heated on occasion,and you will read things that you maybe don't agree with,best just to ignore them:),concentrate on yourself mate,if you help others along the way great.

Seano.

Hi Kyle

I too have read through your intro, very honest heartfelt posting.

Well done on comming back, its never too late to change things no matter how bad they have got.

I wish you well in your recovery and look forward to following your progress.

You will get lots of great support on these diaries.

ODAAT..(one day at a time) ..thats how i'm coping

Takecare and all the best to you

Thrust seano and londonbloke

Thanx to you all for making me feel so welcome. Look forward to reading your advice and diaries so we can beat this thing together.

I havnt slept all night as been a bit obsessed reading through this site. Its weird cos i feel like i have just done the gambling nightshift. Playing through the night till my last bit of ammo was spent. The great thing is i havnt lost a penny. But instead i feel so much richer already

I will try and post on my diary every day. Good or bad news. I promise to be as open and honest as the moderator will allow

Hi Kyle, welcome back. I too have read your intro. Well done for getting it all down. It must have been painful. Use that post as your reference point, when times get tough as you beat this addiction. Like you say, day 1 will be pay day. There are many decent souls on these pages. We are all here to help you to succeed. Russ

Thanx russ. And thanx to all who ive spoken to so far.

I cant believe im chatting and posting on other peoples diaries already. Didnt think id have the strength or the desire to for a long time. But its made me feel really good. They way i was thinking before was why would anyone want my advice. But after seeing so many in similar positions its hard not to lend a bit of support.

Well as for me im itching to get to my day 1. My last gamble was 5 days ago but as ive said i cant count that as ive had no money to gamble with. This friday is 'G' DAY. Payday. Id usually sit up on thursday night planning my stratogy in my head. Midnight would come and id be on checking every 15 mins. By around 1am it would be in. A load of ammuninition. Hopes bullets. Man it always looks so promising at that point. Like a clean slate. Like a miracle about to happen. This could be the day the day i win it all back and more The blood pumping faster. The brain releasing those sweet chemicals. Here we go again.

But this time im not gonna do that. I cant wait to take it on and win. Im itching for this fight. 'Come ahead you f@cker'. The shame is i gotta wait 3 more days for that. Im like a boxer waiting to get into the ring so i can knock seven bells outta the other guy. The one who killed my best friend. The one who ruined me financially. The one who took away my dignity and my friends. The one who pretends he is my friend but stabs me in the back all the time. Leaves me scared and panicked. Made me a prisoner. Took away my self esteem. Made me turn my back on love. Made me break my mothers heart and dissapoint my hero father.

Oh boy Its fight night alright. In 3 days and counting. Not LAS VEGAS style with lights and music and dolly birds. Just good old fashioned "OUTSIDE.......NOW'

You want another piece of me? Come ahead. See you in the playground at midnight. Id suggest you bring your mates but you dont have any. Me? Ive got f@cking plenty on here and their all behind me

Just to welcome you. I read your first post on new members. Amazing description of compulsive gambling I feel.

I wish you the best.

You've got the right attitude Kyle, you can do this! When your money goes in it will be a test, but you'll prove that you can resist, be prepared!

Simon

Kyle, by reading your intro (and a bl**dy long one it was lol), you have come to the right place. Your tales of 5000 up 200 up 3004 up then backto nowt are oh oh so familiar and,yes we have a problem and have recognised it,

Please keep updating and you will find the board an immense help

Take care

Blues