Well iv decided to bite the bullet and write my own diary instead of invading other people's posts. Lol.
I'v got a long history with gambling, 13 years to b exact. Iv been to my rock bottom, iv been back up, and I was heading back down fast until I came back to join you guys.
Iv no idea when I last gambled. It's only been days but I don't want to think about it because I feel it's irrelevant. Today I don't WANT to gamble despite having money in my account and that's important.
Iv spent hours and days reading people's journeys and offering support where I can. I don't think people realise the huge impact just a few words of support or advice can change the way someone is feeling. I want to say a huge thankyou to all of you that have answered my posts and especially wal1957 who at one time last week I think I actually stalked. Haha.
I'm feeling quite lucky. Lucky in the fact that iv hopefully nipped this in the bud b4 it got to the point it was b4. Yes, iv wrecked my credit file. Yes, I have a year's worth of debt to clear but things could be so much worse.
Iv had a lovely day with my kids. I'm actually starting to enjoy them again instead of stressing at every bit of mess and misbehavior. Small things, but I stood and laughed at them dancing in the garden today. I shamefully probably wouldn't have even noticed this time last week.
The weather definitely helps to change my mood. Does anyone else feel that?
I can't pretend things are perfect. My relationship with my oh is in tatters. I have bills to pay short term that I can't, but I'm feeling more like me.
I'm finding my sense of humour. I even laughed at the Indian bloke today who rang claiming to be a loan lender then told me to f**k off when I said I wasn't interested. Pmsl.
I have put my details in the Internet that many times looking for help that I think even peppa pig has my details. Lol. I shouldn't laugh as that can be dangerous I know but if anyone was to hack my account they will prob feel so sorry for me they would put money In. Lol
Anyway, apologies for the long rant. I'll leave it there but wanted to start my diary on a positive. Long may it continue and good luck and wishes to you all x
Yeah, so much positivity that didn't last. I'm feeling suicidal today. I'm laying in bed wondering w*f is wrong with me. I'm beyond help and reasoning. I need this to end.
Hey there not had chance to read your past posts yet but looks like you've been a member on here a while .... so wanted to say hello ... you know therell be this rollercoster ride hun I smiled at your first post on this thread Its madness how when gambling you forget to enjoy the little things especially with kids we become different people due to lack of sleep chasing losses etc etc .. be kind to yourself your here so you want to recover .... recovery is a rocky road I know this first hand but also how things can get better when you say no to Mr gamble .... one step at a time hun, go kiss the kids tuck them in tight .. your there world and things can get better .. x
Hi
Your exactly right with the weather changes your mood.
Try and get yourself outside. Go for a run or a walk and take in the surroundings and appreciate what we have. Think of where you are know and where you want to be in a few years time.
It's small steps that will help you on the road to recovery.
It's a funny one but I've found wearing something and swearing to myself that whilst I have it on I will not gamble at all. Something as simple as a bracelet or necklace that might mean something to you.
Think bookmakers don't drive big flash cars for no reason. We are funding it!
Tell yourself you can do this.
Keep strong!!
Thank you both so much for your posts, it really does mean aLot.
Iv had a horrible time and I think iv put myself under so much pressure and let everything get on top of me.
I confided in a friend today. My close friends and family know of my past but my friends at work had no idea. She has given me so much perspective and faith it meant so much to me.
I gambled my way into trouble again and back out. But Mr gamble needn't think I'm weak enough to do it again. I'm done completely and I mean it. I need to find out how to block sites on my experia phone and that's the last obstacle blocked.
I love your idea of wearing something "unlucky!". I'm very superstitious and that could well work for me. Lol. Anything is worth a try because I'm determined to start my life again x
Try K9 for your phone, I use it on my iPhone to block sites, obviously let someone else know the passcode PIN number...it's a great blocker of anything gambling related, even blocks Facebook that has all the gambling adverts etc...the wife is sick of me asking to pop the pin in, but rather that than lose £6k like the last time I had access to the internet via my phone, because the gambling sites will just keep taking it....via PayPal or direct bank transfers...they'll milk you dry! No regrets though, no more for me!!! K9 is free, easy and it works! Good on your computer too!!!!
And keep laughing out loud!!! It helps!!! Read other people's stories, everyone has a history and pattern, turning the negative of gambling into a daily possitive...no more excuses, bringing back all the possitive emotions and feeling they've missed out on for so long (mines over 30 years!) and finally, there's no luck involved with the success we are all striving for, it's hard work, determination and pride that will bring our lives back,no luck wanted from me! Just success!!!! Keep smiling and be successful!!!
Deanyboy u made me smile and u speak so much sense. Definitely no more excuses. I have none. And I would love to start feeling true emotion again. I think I became addicted to the feeling of desperation losing brought me because I didn't have any other emotion left.
I'll Def give the k9 a go. And Def keep smiling.
Thankyou so so much for Ur words xx
Feeling positive again today. Bills have been paid instead of going to a gambling site, bookie or casino. Kids are back at school and I just need to start on this housework! Grrrrr. I can understand why the laptop used to win over the thought of tackling this place, but by tonight I will be posting about my nice clean house and sitting with a much deserved glass of vino. Lol. X
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