Hi all,
My name is shaun and im 20 years and having been suffering from an online poker addiction for around a year which is nearly destroyed my life.
It started off as a casual interest in poker after I was introduced to the game by a friend. I enjoyed the game and the idea of having some sort of 'control' of my money (oh how wrong i was). I enjoyed playing and decided to invest a small amount of money in to an online poker room. I began to play and quickly built up quite a bankroll (never withdrawn) but quickly lost.
Losing that made me hungry to play some more and make back my previous deposit and a bit more. I began to become obsessed with improving my poker game it was all i thought about, how to play certain situations, how to do this, how to do that all while the day passed me by. I was just dying to get back and try out new things and 'earn some money'
As the days went on i began to invest more and more, the losses began to accumulate and depression had began. Going from having little money troubles to struggling to survive for a week because of an online poker addiction was soul destroying. My relationship with my girlfriend began strained and finances were ruined. As a became more and more depressed I began to care less and less of the consequences of my gambling as I always believed I'd 'hit the jackpot' and run deep in a tournament to recover my winnings. Every couple of weeks i'd make a run in a tournament and cash for a decent amount of money, always giving me that false hope that the big win was coming. I began to watch online pro's and see them winning big on a regular occurance which would drive me to continue.
It really went downhill and overdrafts were maxed, savings melted through and any spare cash going in to poker. I began to become distant from my friends, my family and my girlfriend and becoming isolated, that furthered my depression and drove me to gamble more. I somehow managed to survive around 4 months doing this and by the end I was a shell of what i was before. Broken, penniless and depressed.
My next student loan came in and things were good, i'd began to tackle my gambling problem, opening up to my girlfriend and family and having that support. I began to convert from poker to matched betting (a process were I was making money while betting all at a risk free cost - the dream in my eyes). However, as a had began to recover my finances and everything was seeming on the up, I was hit by a wave of depression, this lead to the single biggest breakdown to date and £1200 go in the space on 45 minutes and dark thoughts enter the fray for the first time. This is when I realised that enough was enough. I just about had enough to cover my rent over the summer period and handed control of my finances to my family, so I could not gamble the remaining part of the finances away.
I have begun a long and slow road to recovery in the past week. I have got help for my depression, been honest with my girlfriend, applied for a part time job during the summer vacation at uni to earn back some of the money lost. The hardest part I am finding is to resist the urge to play poker. Everywhere I turn it seems to be there. Adverts, housemates playing/watching pro's, talking about it and all this does is drive my urge to play even more. Its awful enjoying something so much and realising you cannot play it again for fear of your life is I take a turn for the worst.
I wanted to document this down as a marker for a change in my life. I want to be the free-living, no-money worries student I deserve to be and enjoy my time left at university without letting poker ruin me and everything I have worked so hard for.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to write, knowing today, that I will no longer be able to play poker, a game i enjoy and crave to play, I have to believe in myself that I will survive, I will rebuild my life and prosper and achieve all I want to achieve.
Hi Shaun,
Firstly my apologies I read your your first post on lunch and did not have time to respond and I've been out at GA tonight so could not respond till now.
Losing that £1200 sounds like the best thing that could have happened to you if you keep showing the determination I read on this first post you will look back on the that £1200 as a lesson well learnt.
I used to play poker and considered myself to be a good player. While it wasn't the form of gambling that brought me here. I did lose money at it I was relativy successful at lower stakes but that wasn't enough I had to up the stakes and learnt there was much better players than me. It's the only form of gambling I miss, that social game with friends with a few beers and laughs for a score.
Already you have made a couple of smart choices, telling your family and girlfriend is key, like you said you have been honest, now is the time to make sure you tell them everything no point keeping it back . If you have brilliant
Handing over your finance breaks one side of the triangle, the triangle is Time-Money-Location without one of these things you can't gamble, I liken it to the fire triangle Heat-Fuel-oxygen without one no FIRE
So you've sorted money, Time can be the hardest because we now have all the time back you spent gambling it's like a gambling void you have to fill, I filled it by coming on here a lot loads of things you can do get back into the things you did before gambling and your studies and a job will help
Location for you its online you can block this in a few ways blocking software can be used K9 is one which is free and gamblock and im sure they are others . You can also set parental controls on your broadband and some mobile providers let you block gambling sites. Also close and self exclude from all your accounts. You don't need them anymore
I would also suggest you call Gamcare they they are good listeners and give good advice and can also offers counselling which may help some university offer similar counselling. I also attend GA,don't be put if that your young you won't be the only only It might be worth reading up on it to see if you fancy it.
I look forward to following your progress, again sorry for the late reply it's not normal for this place the support on here if you want it is first class.
KTF
How are you getting on Shaun?
Another day, another gamble free day. Been a relatively busy day so haven't had chance to sit down which is good. Finally sat down an hour a ago and had an urge but resisted, spoke to my family and moved on.
Your words are great to hear, i've already blocked all the sites with K9, its just filling the time I used to spend playing poker. It's a struggle but slowly and surely i'm getting there, one day at a time.
Great to see you log back on. The time is hard, you don't realise how much time you spent gambling till you stop. I filled the gambling void at the start by coming on here and watching boxsets I watched hundreds but into time you will start to fill the time naturally and then you will wonder how you got time to gamble in the first place.
KTF
Oldhamktf wrote:
Hi Shaun,
Firstly my apologies I read your your first post on lunch and did not have time to respond and I've been out at GA tonight so could not respond till now.
Losing that £1200 sounds like the best thing that could have happened to you if you keep showing the determination I read on this first post you will look back on the that £1200 as a lesson well learnt.
I used to play poker and considered myself to be a good player. While it wasn't the form of gambling that brought me here. I did lose money at it I was relativy successful at lower stakes but that wasn't enough I had to up the stakes and learnt there was much better players than me. It's the only form of gambling I miss, that social game with friends with a few beers and laughs for a score.
Already you have made a couple of smart choices, telling your family and girlfriend is key, like you said you have been honest, now is the time to make sure you tell them everything no point keeping it back . If you have brilliant
Handing over your finance breaks one side of the triangle, the triangle is Time-Money-Location without one of these things you can't gamble, I liken it to the fire triangle Heat-Fuel-oxygen without one no FIRE
So you've sorted money, Time can be the hardest because we now have all the time back you spent gambling it's like a gambling void you have to fill, I filled it by coming on here a lot loads of things you can do get back into the things you did before gambling and your studies and a job will help
Location for you its online you can block this in a few ways blocking software can be used K9 is one which is free and gamblock and im sure they are others . You can also set parental controls on your broadband and some mobile providers let you block gambling sites. Also close and self exclude from all your accounts. You don't need them anymore
I would also suggest you call Gamcare they they are good listeners and give good advice and can also offers counselling which may help some university offer similar counselling. I also attend GA,don't be put if that your young you won't be the only only It might be worth reading up on it to see if you fancy it.
I look forward to following your progress, again sorry for the late reply it's not normal for this place the support on here if you want it is first class.
KTF
Hi Shaun
Wanted to say hi and say well done so far. Progress isn't easy for some but Oldham's suggestions are spot on. You could read other posts and encourage like Oldham's been there for you.
Keep posting 🙂 tri
Hi there Shaun. Was wondering how your getting on 2 yrs later?
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