My Recovery Diary

Still getting urges today to play online poker. Just keep telling myself to stop and think how bad it all got before I quit. Must keep that memory fresh otherwise you open yourself up to a relapse...GO AWAY GAMBLING THOUGHTS ARGHHHHHHHHHH

DAY 362

Still gamble free. Still licking my wounds after not getting the job I was hoping for. Need to move on and not dwell on it. Feel like my resitance is building up again. One year without gambling is coming up in a couple of days which will be a huge milestone for me.

Onwards and upwards!

DAY 380

Can't actually believe I have broken the year mark!

When I first posted on here this day could not have felt further away. It feels amazing. I am more focussed now, stronger and understand the disease far better which makes it easier to cope with. Urges have become less frequent as I have began to focus my energies in more positive pursuits like my career and my health. Still trying to kick the smoking but getting there. Also looks like a new job may be on the cards too.

I can't advocate more highly the importance of keep pruductive and positive. 'Devil makes work for idle thumbs' couldn't be truer than for CGs. It is one of the biggest tests we face and ensuring you are always engaged with something positive the chances of slipping up or even having thoughts about gambling are massively diminshed. Don't let it beat you! Come out as the winner in the end and kick the sh*tty habit!!!

DAY 411

Feeling like it is almost completely out of my system now. What a feeling!

Obviously with all the advertising particularly around sports that i like to watch does make it difficult to forget but it doesn't affect me the way it used to.

Makes me feel silly that I was sucked in by it all when it is just a big money making con for these companies.

Bye bye gambling

DAY 519

Still gamble free and feeling great. Have really started to see the fruits of my labours now instead of P****** it away online or in the bookies. Still follow poker on TV as a hobby and get the urge to play now and again but I know that one bet could bring me back to square 1 so prefer to abstain.

Ibiza is the next stop. Would never have been able to afford this 519 days ago. See you later gambling you pathetic nothingness

DAY 715

Wow still going strong and nearly 2 years off the gambling. Still have issues to address but I am working on them.

For the first time in over 5 years I have actually started to save money again! Really good feeling. I have also been able to buy so many things that I have just gone without for the sake of gambling.

Anyone just starting out on their recovery stick with it, it really does get easier!

ben

fella thanks for taking the time to share your ongoing recovery.

I salute you fella.

the truth is for us the compulsive gambler there is always untold reasons why we shouldn't gamble against the one selfish reason to gamble,to feed addiction.

keep making the right choice.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

DAY 937

Am really starting to get urges again to play online need to work through this as it is just the same old self destructive alarm going off in my brain when everything is going fine.

Had some recent stresses with family and work but this isn't the answer.

Glad to have a place to vent a little when feeling weak.

Stay focused benC. don't let 937 days slip by. I had over 3650 days free and slipped back 18 months ago. Now I'm back to day 11.

Trust me it just isn't worth it and just like before, you won't come out winning. Remeber...Your a winner right now

Stay strong. Your Name is BenC and today you will not gamble 🙂

DAY 1

So after 1010 days gambling free i sucomed to my inner deamons. I let a moment of weakness overshadow nearly 3 years of hard work. I feel disgusted with myself and extremely angry that I have let myself down and more importantly broken a promise to my girlfriend when I vowed never to gamble again.

I am going through a few challenges at the moment and I turned to gambling as a supressant instead of confronting my problems head on as I have learnt to over the last few years while gamble free.

I told my girlfriend almost immediately and she was distraught which again reminded why I stopped in the first place. This has served as a reminder to me that this will be a life long challenge. In some ways it has served as a release for those urges that had been creeping up on me and by reseting the days of being gambling free it will hopefully serve as a reminder not to get complacent.

I do in all honesty feel like I am far stronger now and did quit without doing serious damage but I can not ignore that I have done it and so am here confessing to you all.

Onwards and upwards BenC

Hi Ben , Welcome back , I suppose it only goes to show that were only ever 1 bet away ?

Good for you for being honest with your partner and also realising straight away what you'd done , you shouldn't look at this as going from day one as your far too in your recovery for that , 3 years is no mean feat and you should be very proud .

Look at it as a hiccup and nothing more , pick yourself up , dust yourself down and move on my friend .

All the best ..........................Alan

DAY 4

Thanks for the posts of support guys, means a lot. Tough weekend but got through it all.

Rebuilding process is under way.

DAY 21

Back to a fairly stable mind set with minimal urges and a positive outlook.

Looking for a new job too which is exciting and hopefully the catalyst for a new period of growth in my life.

: )