My recovery diary (JENILEE)

Spent a good, gamble free day, spending time with my sister and my baby nephew shopping a little going out to eat and then visiting at my sisters for a while afterwards. Also got that little bit of cleaning done this morning that I said which made me feel better about the mess my house is just by getting that one room done tomorrow I have the day off and no plans, which could be dangerous, I'm gonna try to clean for a couple hours and then try to get my mom out to do something because she's kind of a hermit in the winter doesn't get out enough. And so I feel it's my duty as her daughter to convince her to get out of the house even if I just take her for a ride or something. I don't want to leave my day too idle -could do too much unplanned gambling then. And I don't want to do that. I'm not too worried though, as I've recovered from my slip last night, in that I'm not having too many urges to chase those losses. Usually I'm a strong one to chase losses and Chase and Chase for days when I was at my worst. So doing better on that front not really thinking I need to do that, I have just accepted what have lost. Would rather spend time with my sister again, if she wants to hang out on another day, or see if my mom will agree to do some non-gambling activity. At a bit of a loss for ideas of what to do. As already went shopping today. But maybe I can think of something.

In a blah mood tonight. Sitting here feeling like a loser for the money I spent on Friday, for overdoing it. Because I feel I have been able to control myself before and I should have made a better offer at this time. Such as only bringing a set amount of money or other things I have used in the past. To control myself. Also, feeling overwhelmed about many to do both personally and work wise this coming week. Field feel unmotivated. Wish I didn't have to do or take care of these things. Wish I had an extra day off just to be around the house. Lays around the house. Don't know why am feeling so unmotivated and overwhelmed. I'm bummed about the gambling. Think I'm just having an off day today. Let's hope I'm more motivated positive and organize tomorrow to start the work week and all the personal to do is of the week. I'll post again then.

just finished reading all your posts Jenilee........

only been away a few days from the site and had a lot of reading to catch up on lol x

I hope the controlled gambling starts working a little better then it has been lately for you..........even so there is some improvement just from the process of challenging your actions and thoughts via the posting on this site.

No one can argue with that.

on a side point..........it must be costly driving 30 miles each way to nearly gamble?

in the uk fuel is around £1.14 per litre..................

All these costs add to the gamble money lost........

anyway....hope you feeling better soon and in a better mind x

Thanks for reply.

We will see how today goes; I just woke up but feeling overwhelmed with the upcoming things I have to deal with in my day/week/month. Don't want to do any of them.

I don't think this feeling is only from gambling. Think maybe I'm getting depressed or too stressed or something?

(My life is very stressful & demanding, especially my job, and lately I feel "not up to it"?)

Did some reading and I believe that my problem is I'm burned out. From stress. I fit all of the symptoms. I cannot afford to have another vacation I just had the one in Florida, but apparently it wasn't enough for my chronic problems I'm still burned out. So I need to figure out ways to handle my life and lessen the load on myself a little according to the articles I've read. Having urges to gamble today. Resisting so far.

Still resisting the urge is all evening. I think they are what is for me in the past but in common, a chasing urge, after some excess of gambling. So I'm trying to recognize them for what they are into almost expect them, if that makes sense? Anyway I waited them out by calculating oh what bills need to come out of my upcoming paycheck for the next two months, what money I have left in the bank now from gambling, reminding myself that if I was to go I would lose more the money I have left. The bills will be paid for the next fairly tight, with not much money left over. So the money I have in the bank right now I'd like to keep that would be my fun money over the next two months as there will be a little locked out of my paychecks. So the urge is lasting and passing for tonight and it's getting too late at night for me to go anyway. So for today I will not gamble. Tomorrow hopefully I will not either, a long day at work as planned and I believe it will be too late when I get home hopefully. Just wanted to put an update on her since I posted I was having urges earlier. Waiting for my fiancГ© to call chat,.

Good morning diary. Well I made it through the urges of yesterday and it's too early in the morning to have urges today LOL no I'm up early because I have to go meet a friend at my mechanics house. Drop off my truck my friend will give me a ride to work and then my friend will give me a ride back from work to my mechanics house at the end of the day. My car needs oil change and has two burnt out headlight bulbs which my mechanic will fix. Meanwhile he'll also check out how the brakes are doing and check it over for any other wear and tear or problems.

This sounds minor, but I do not like the inconvenience of being without my car for the day. And being stuck at work as long as my friend decides to stay which could be an extra long day. Sometime she just hangs around chatting with people till all hours of the night and we're already going in quite early. Especially with the recent feelings I have of being burned out and barely able to make it through the day as it is. And I don't like the fact that I won't have my car there to run home and take a break whenever I want. This is probably part of my burned-out syndrome how I just have trouble handling basic things. This is not a big deal, wish I didn't feel like it was one. It's good that I am getting my turn to get the things taken care of. It doesn't sound expensive but it will probably be around $100 and that's if he finds no additional problems with the car. The two headlight bulbs are very expensive plus the oil change. I guess today's the day I should be grateful I didn't go gambling and I have the money to pay for it. ? And I should be grateful I have a good friend to pick me up and drop me off , & the opportunity to get it in and get everything looked over and taking care of.? See that? How I'm trying to twist everything around into positive way of looking at it? I really don't want to be this negative Nelly that I've become lately. And I don't want to feel so burned out. So I'm trying to slowly work my way through the feelings of exhaustion cynicism and upset and negativity and barely being able to handle basic things in life Et Cetera that come with being burned out. Nonetheless, I'll be happy when today is over, and I am home, hopefully not too late due to my friends tendencies to stay late and chitchat, and when I have my truck back, and hopefully the mechanic finds nothing more than the hundred dollars I am planning on spending. Wish me luck.

Seriously guys my day sucks. I spelt my morning coffee all over my desk in my chair , then I realize $20 I put my pocket to bring to work, so I have money on me since I didn't have my car and I don't want to bring my whole wallet to work has been stolen out of my coat pocket. It effing P****s me off that I don't gamble for a couple days to have money and someone steals $20 from me. !!!!!! Angry !!!P****d right now not having a good day. Hope to turn it around.

Hey Jen,

That's S***e having 20 nicked out of your pocket, I would be f*****g mad too hun.

Breathe deeply and stay strong sending you POSITIVE thoughts

Suzanne xx

Jenilee wrote: are you from USA or did you mean pounds

Seriously guys my day sucks. I spelt my morning coffee all over my desk in my chair , then I realize $20 I put my pocket to bring to work, so I have money on me since I didn't have my car and I don't want to bring my whole wallet to work has been stolen out of my coat pocket. It effing P****s me off that I don't gamble for a couple days to have money and someone steals $20 from me. !!!!!! Angry !!!P****d right now not having a good day. Hope to turn it around.

Jenilee wrote: could have been worse could have nicked your coat as we ll

Seriously guys my day sucks. I spelt my morning coffee all over my desk in my chair , then I realize $20 I put my pocket to bring to work, so I have money on me since I didn't have my car and I don't want to bring my whole wallet to work has been stolen out of my coat pocket. It effing P****s me off that I don't gamble for a couple days to have money and someone steals $20 from me. !!!!!! Angry !!!P****d right now not having a good day. Hope to turn it around.

could have been worse could have nicked your coat as well

Yes you're right there. And tomorrow will be a new day I'm just going try to put it behind me tomorrow .

Yes you're right there. And tomorrow will be a new day I'm just going try to put it behind me tomorrow .

hope everyone's day is going well. Mine, not so much..... But you know what? I figure we cannot dwell on the negative ; all we can do is try to turn a bad day around into an okay one. So I'm not going to stress about it and tomorrow will be better! How's that for a positive? 🙂

Well tomorrow has come, and I did find out there was a bigger problem with my car, but it's the same thing I'd fix back in October so the mechanic thinks it will be under warranty and will not cost me anything to fix. He has to check with the company that made the part but the part is under warranty. So I guess it could be a worse situation as this will probably at least be paid for. I am in a better mood today, I'm not super excited about life or anything, just bored of working and can't wait till the weekend. I still have a bit of a feeling of Being 'burned out', and exhausted, of it all being too much to but I am plugging through and tackling tasks day by day sometimes only focusing on what I have to do that particular day. And I haven't gambled since the weekend . My planned gambling day for the next weekend is coming up I probably will still do it and just get back to my controlled formula. If I have many more uncontrolled gambles like last weekend I may have to change goals to abstaining altogether.