My recovery diary (JENILEE)

I did decide to go to casino but time before work instead of after because before work I was on a time limit. If would have went tonight there was no time limit. So I figured it was better to go when I had limited amount of time to game . On my way to work now. I only spent $40 which is within my budget and will Not in any way devastate me. I should point out that I had access to about $4100 today as today is my payday that I could have spent so I'm happy that I did not spend more than 40! So now my challenge will be not to gamble until next weekend. I made some alternate plans with my sister to spend time with her and my baby nephew tomorrow. As I had no plans for the weekend, I thought it be good to make some 19 ambling plans. So I am looking forward to that maybe I can make plans for the other day off with my mom or something but not gambling. Everyone have a great day I'm off to work. I'm tired so I'm glad today's last day of my work week

Hi Jen,

Stay strong after work and make that right choice that you have been making all day.

Take care,

Suzanne xxx

Hi Jenilee,

Congrats on your engagement 🙂

Ive been reading your diary for some time but not posted. I would be interested to know a little more about your 'back story' with your gambling.

Were they times when you didnt have the 'controlled' approach that you aim for nowadays?

Have you at any point attempted / considered complete abstinence?

Yes my back story WAS times when I did not have the 'controlled' approach that I aim for. They were very uncontrolled times at the worst. I've had a few slips and all from my 'controlled' formula, but I am gradually gambling less n less. I DO see some progress with myself. I realize now it's got to be a goal to cut down on how often and much I gamble; it was crowding out everything else in my life, socially, moneywise, etc

Hi am going to personally thank each of you for your replies. Well pains me to admit I had a slip and went back last night and spent more than I should have but certainly not all of the money at my disposal or even close to it. At least had the foresight to stop and realize partway through this little binge I was having that I needed to stop , if I kept going to truck and getting any more money , I would lose that money too. and I didn't really like the damage I had done (the amount I had spent) but it could get a lot worse and if I stopped now the amount I had spent was withstandable. It became clear my head there were no illusions I could win it all back anymore I was losing on every machine I touched and that the chances of winning it back were slim and I should just leave. So I left and came home. So it could've been worse. I'm not downplaying it I'm just accounting the whole thing and how it went. I have admitted after a while of trying this controlled approach NT , that I may have to stop altogether. But I'm not there yet. Meaning mentally I'm not choosing that option yet. I do see some slow progress in myself compared to how I was at my worst. But lots of times I've set out to go to the casino that I've been able to stop myself even driving as far as almost the casino and turning around and coming home (which is like 30 miles).Because I recognize an extra gamble (than my allowed weekly Friday night )would not be good for me or it was just emotions driving me to do it etc. also overall I'm spending less in the casinos even though I'm having slip ups on my plan. This is something I've kept track of but it's also proved by the fact that they're starting to take away all the free play ! LOL they do that when you start coming Less and spending Less. So I'm upset with myself but proud to see some progress and how I handled it even partway through a binge as I said earlier I had 4100 at my disposal and in the past there's times I would've spent at least into the thousands. I figure my net loss is around 300 last night. Which is significant I'm not downplaying it but I'm glad I could fight off the urge is in the midst of a binge and stop. ! The determination is there.

have plans with my sister to spend time with her and her baby today I almost canceled them as I often do after Gambling binges I feel little energy or less interest and other things but I'm going to force myself to do it because I always have fun and feel better after I spend time with others and do activities that do not involve gambling. Is important for me to do those. So I will keep my plans with her. Moving onwards and upwards to get back on plan.

Hey thanks for the post it means a lot, sorry to hear of the slip but am glad you haven't cancelled with your sister as I said on my diary for me this time it feels like somethings clicked before never really ( if I'm honest ) believed I could just stop like that not after my addiction being my friend for so long so I can understand your not quite there yet but one day at a time maybe you will see there is only one winner while you remain giving them your money your hard earned money please keep that in mind, anyhow just wanted to say I will be around at least once a day if you need a chat I'd love to walk with you on your journey x

Thanks tt I'll take u up on someone to "walk on my journey".

Also thank u nT Sally Somic Boom Sandra and Suzanne!

Everyone's posts are all very appreciated just wanted to say that.

doing a little bit of housecleaning have been putting it off because I let it get too far behind and Am overwhelmed, and like a lot of gamblers I have trouble handling problems at times. So tackling a big mess around the house does not seem like my favorite thing, but I want it to be cleaner. I usually don't let to get this dirty. So I've been doing in ingenious idea where in between cups of coffee I set a timer for five minutes and go just focus on one room, the bathroom which I use the most of my house. I have two bathrooms. So I just going for five minutes at work I'm throwing away empty containers of things I don't need wiping the counter straightening as I go the counter is covered with stuff. And I can see. A little progress after just 2 five minutes sessions, which is encouraging! So I'm gonna go in there for another five minutes after this cup of coffee LOL.

I know that I didn't get it this messy in a day it was in the past couple of weeks getting ready for my trip to Florida and then after I returned I was just so tired from when I was sick in Florida and I was so busy at work working long hours to get caught up that I continue to let it go so this is about three weeks worth of clutter Dishes laundry vacuuming etc... and when I came back from my trip I just threw my bathroom stuff on the counter & my suitcase is still packed LOL. Aaargh.

so Rome wasn't built in a day. I got to tell myself that. But I've got just a couple of hours before I get a shower to meet my sister so I'm working on cleaning what I can this morning and then I also have tomorrow off and oo.com/ima%3C2Fb%3E&b=0&ni=21&no=54&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=11cmqu7qf&sigb=13d3156mm&sigi=12d4p0sro&sigt=10tndvh99&sign=hopefully I'll be motivated to continue picking away &rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpinterest.com%2Fpin%2F277464027014721373%2F&size=185.6KB&name=%3Cb%3EMichigan%3C%2Fb%3E+%3Cb%3Ewinter%3C%2Fb%3E&P=michigan+winter+photos&oid=5cd74d42fbf4a8b7bf1decc071dccd08&fr2=piv-web&fr=iphone&tt=%3Cb%3EMichigan%3C%2Fb%3E+%3Cb%3Ewinter%3C%2Fb%3E&b=0&ni=21&no=54&ts=&tab=organic&sigr=11cmqu7qf&sigb=13d3156mm&sigi=12d4p0sro&sigt=10tndvh99&sign=10tndvh99&.crumb=zZVYMMHyf/W&fr=iphone&fr2=piv-web at the cleaning. After a few days like this I can see where the house would get clean again I just have to be patient. And at least there's no gambling in my plans today . 🙂

Sorry don't know how I got those web links in the middle of my post into spots but I'm having trouble erasing them so I can't really remove them my finger keeps holding him hitting paste and it pasted it double please just read around I'm sorry about that.

Hi Jen.

Sorry things did not go to plan after work but hey, you seem quite upbeat today, so that is a good thing. you havnt let it get you down, and you stopped before any damage was done, so that sure is 2 positives today for you and going to your sisters makes 3

Are you in another country because you have said morning a couple of times lol and it's afternoon here in Yorkshire lol.

Suzanne xx

I am in United States. 🙂

I should clarify a little damage was done with the spending but it could've been so so much worse and the amount of money I spy could've been much better spent on other things, but it's not amount that will throw me off from being able to pay my bills are due and I need to do. So I feel down about it but I've learned that letting it derail me for days and get me two down can actually lead to more chasing of losses so I try to just look at it in perspective evaluate the pros and cons, the pro being that I was able to stop before I spend anymore and I had access to a lot more money. Learn from it what I can, and move on. Did that make sense?

Should have known the states with dollar signs but wernt sure,((0)) me lol.

Yes your post makes sense, have a good time with the family.

Suzanne xx

I checked out the pics - looks chilly in Michigan during winter!!

Suzanne _ im also from Yorkshire 🙂

Hi Jen,you say u r not ready to give up,but trust me it be the best thing for you.not just the financial side of it,its the emotional side which is the worst side to be on.I've given up for nearly four months and I feel a little better for it.i ve got no ties so I got no one to hurt anymore .i have hurt my family and I don't speak to them.i got no friends.its hard but the one thing I can change is not gambling.I been doing it for a very long time and it made my life a misery.i hope you can get to a GA meeting it be the best thing you've done.good luck.matt.

sonic boom wrote: I checked out the pics - looks chilly in Michigan during winter!!

Suzanne _ im also from Yorkshire 🙂

Hi Suzanne I'm from south Yorkshire.x matt x

It is chilly lol subzero weather! I am well aware that many on here think abstinence is the only way. It may turn out to be. I just want to try it this way for awhile (read my diary all the way thru; I successfully achieved this with drinking. Against all odds)