My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Hi Wilsy,

A blip is just that mate, as you say it's how you deal with it that shows the measure of the man, and having let many blips turn into full blown lapses, I can only say that its good that you've nipped it in the bud.

Not wanting to carry on the cricket analogy, but consider it a reprieve by the third umpire, not out on review, and you can still continue adding to your innings. And I agree, its a ridiculous sport.

I also know what you mean about gambling in a volatile situation, stress and pressure all seem to do the same to me, so I actively seek out a stress free environment. Not beating yourself up is a good start, and means you can ***** the gamble free nettle once again.

All the best

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

We've not spoken before but thanks so much for your post mate, put a massive smile on my face fella, such a good post.

It was a 2 hour blip, I had a carnage session, walked out, went home, felt a wee bit disappointed, ate my dinner, went to bed and slept well, it's over with and yes it is nipped in the bud again and it does show the measure of all men! 🙂

Thanks mate I will accept it as a reprieve from the third umpire and will continue my innings, onwards and upwards just need to do an extra day without a bet now, when I approach the full year. Boring sport Cricket!

Yes mate sadly I have the tendency of losing the plot from time to time, I deleted friends off face book before I left to have my flutter, I have completely lost the plot with my stepdad on a few occasions, of which I have shouted, sworn and held a knife in his direction, all in his house in front of nephews and nieces. So when what happened, happened I just didn't deal with it very well, must try harder next time and just not get bloody angry, so that I disappear onto another planet for a few hours and when comeback to earth wonder what I have done. That was what it was like lol

I haven't beat myself up in fact the opposite, I have praised myself. Back in the zone I am.

Cheers Ryan, will post you back once read your diary.

Andy.

Hey Wilsy

Sorry to hear about your recent "blip". You know the script - juat keep plugging away and head right back on track and back onto the bright side of the road. I am already fast approaxhing week 8 again free from gambling and it definitely brings about much calmness in my life again.

As the saying goes "stay calm and carry on".

Take care.

Feb.

Thanks Feb, I will do just that, I know the script and feel very calm about it all.

I am onto my third consecutive day today and have no urges or reckless thoughts I am pleased to say. Happy England are playing tonight I will head straight home and watch that, Jo is coming back as well all has been sorted for now, just silly we had the big bust up in the first place, it ruined my streak! Oh well, will accept it and move on.

DAY 229/230

Today has been a good day, generally had fun around the office and work has just come to the end, so it is the weekend. Looking forward to football and remaining on the right path.

Have a good weekend everyone

Hey Wilsy,

That's it, you get out there and show yourself and everyone around you that you are changed person. That you can enjoy everything you got, and you don't need to bet your way through in Life.

You got yourself and your loved ones, concentrate on these most important people and you will come out stronger each day!!

Football tonight...Cmon England...Enjoy watching;-)

Take care and have lovely weekend

Sandra x

Hi Wilsy,

Thanks for the boost, friend. Today, we can do this. Kick gambling to the curb and enjoy the peace of mind. Will be rooting for you! -joanxxx

Day 231/232

Thanks Judy. The weather is shocking this weekend so with the parents back tomorrow, I have been busy cleaning their house. This gives me great satisfaction once it is done as I do a sterling job when I put my mind to it, even though it is often a tip again, hours after them walking back through the door.

Have had urges but I am calm and have rejected them. I don't have much cash left which is a saviour as I don't know whether I might have chased my losses or not. I every month now pay as much as I can off my credit card, this is important as once paid I can't get at it, even though I can withdraw cash from it, I don't and don't want too.

Had my haircut yesterday, put fuel in the car for the week, spent time with Jo and helped her babysit her nephew Alex. We had a lovely dinner last night and she's popping round in a bit with some crusty rolls for some sandwiches.

Relieved the parents are back tomorrow, really missed them but for them to have been gone since the end of May, I have done ever so well coping on my own and I am proud of myself.

The future looks bright with no gambling in it, so determined to stay on the straight and narrow.

Wilsy,

Not being posting for a while and just read your diary tonight. Sorry to read about you recent slip. I can relate to so much of what you say regarding anger. When I get involved in an argument with my wife it leads to anger. If the anger gets so bad that we are shouting at each other and I storm out the house I know I am going to do something bad to myself. If I am going through a spell of not smoking I will buy cigs. If I am smoking and going through a period of not gambling I will gamble. Why the hell I do this to myself I do not know. I return home a few hours later and my wife has forgot about the argument whereas I am in disarray and inwardly blaming her for my troubles. These are my issues not hers and deep down I know this but cannot ever understand why I continue to hurt myself like this.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel right now but also to let you know how proud I was of you for going so long without gambling. A wonderful achievement and next time you will reach 365.

Tomso.

232/233

Thanks Tomso for your post. Yeah anger and frustration got the better of me, bloody relationships, still not bothered by it and am back at it, just one blip for a few hours.

I don't know why I react like that either and I'm sure it won't be the last, just accepting what happened really.

Today I am bored at work, I have not had a cigarette and just can't be bothered to pick up the phone. I think it is a Monday Blues thing, never have liked Monday's, bullocks days!

Andy

Fella glad to read you have remained gamble free my friend, I am glad you posted your own view upon my feelings towards your gambling episode upon my thread, glad you have the resolve to seek a better life through addressing your addiction.

My point was simply to say it is easy to throw away all the hard work by letting addiction back through the door to which I am glad you are not fella, that is something to be very proud of.

Regards your anger and it's management have you spoken with your GP regarding this, I know they helped with the depression, maybe it's time to deal with the anger??

As for monday, me I blame international football!!!!!

lol. unless you are a follower of the lower leagues like me you missed out on the football fix you have so enjoyed, maybe if there had been another away trip planned the episode may have been shelved??

One thing is for sure, by making a choice you will better your outlook.

Me I am honoured to share it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

DAY 233/234

Thanks Duncan, I know you did, you were angry and frustrated I had opened the door to the wolf and trust me I don't want to throw away my hard work, have just messed up my consecutive days that's all. I am still going to carry on as if nothing has happened, not dwell on it and remain focussed.

Parents back now that will help, they don't know about my 2 hour blip and I am not going to tell them and worry them. I can live with it, just pleased I have family around me again to speak too and so that I am not alone.

Work boring as at the moment really can't be bothered, roll on the weekend already and Fulham coming to town on Monday.

DAY 234/235

Days Given up smoking - 3

Money saved - £12.66

Well today is my third day of not smoking. Not finding it too hard but at the same time am not the most upbeat kind of guy at the moment, seem a bit moody. Work is also grinding to a halt which I have been told happens in October, just got to grind it out.

No gambling urges, having the parents back is great and I have no need to go and do anything destructive.

Continuing with what I need to do and remain gamble free.

DAY 235/236

4 Days without smoking saving £16.88

The day is ticking along quite nicely, feel a little more alert and with it today but sure that now I have stopped for lunch, going to find it hard to get going again.

Looking forward to the end of the week, got to get my suit dried cleaned ready for a wedding next weekend, apart from that will watch Argo and watch the football.

No urges to gamble it is as if last week nothing ever happened which is why I have blocked it out and carried on.

Hi Andy

Pleased ur back on track on not dwelling on last week just like anything in life we av to keep goin, football back this weekend so something to look forward to enjoyed the 2 England games though but can't stand it when they knock matches off for friendlies, watched Argo and really enjoyed it mind u the fashion sense is awful can't believe people ever looked like that lol

Have a great weekend lets hope our teams can grab some much needed points

Castle2