My road to recovery and debt free

First post in a few days due to being out of the country, pleased to say day 16 is done! 🙂

Been a busy week, had a few urges but still going strong.

Will do a more detailed update tomorrow.

On to day 17...

Well day 17 it is and I had a massive scare this morning.

I woke up to an email from a betting site claiming they wanted me to verify my age to them, I didnt think the casino was genuine so I went on to it and entered my usual username and password. Wouldnt you know it, it was a site I had played 6 months ago and self excluded which had run out, looking around the site it had football betting and all my favourite slot games. For a good 5 minutes I stared at my phone hovering over the deposit button, it was a massive test for me.

But Im pleased to report that I didnt and instead I self exlcuded permanently from the site. I can genuinely say if I was not writing this diary then I would have deposited as the only thing that stopped me was the thought of having to write a post on here saying I had relapsed and the shame that would have come with that.

This has been a massive wake up call for me as I am still very much a compulsive gambler and it has only been the fact that I have kept myself busy that I have not had many urges over the past 17 days until this morning.

Anyway going to enjoy my weekend, got lots of work to be getting on with. I am proud of myself but very very worried of how close I came to relapsing, and who knows where that could have taken me.

All the best,

Hi i am new to this but i am a gambler. And i have lost so much money on this habit just dont know how to stop

Hi Daisy

Have you thought about writing a post on the new member intro section of the forum?

If you include as much information about your current situation and gambling habits then everyone will give you all the help they can.

Evening all

Day 18 almost complete, no big scares or anything like that compared to yesterday.

Been nice going through a weekend not worrying about a football bet or getting home to my laptop to continue with a casino balance etc.

On to day 19...

Evening all hope everyone is good

Not suring if anyone is reading these posts but they are helping me, busy day at work yesterday so didnt end up posting on here.

Almost 3 weeks gambling free 🙂

On to day 21

Hi j well done on hitting 3 week's bet free.
Good to see you staying strong and that posting in your diary is helping you do that

Best wishes

Hello again

Cant believe I am posting this but I have just had a complete 30 mins of madness.

After posting on here I decided to check through my emails that were piling up, I saw an email from a old casino I used saying my balance was dormant and would be forfeited if not used by the end of this month. To me there was no way I would ever leave money in a casino balance, I was never like that I either spent it all or withdrew it all.

Upon checking there was £15 in there, turns out my self exclusion had run out on this account yesterday hence why they was able to email me. Now this is where I spent the next 10 minutes staring having a battle in my head about whether to spend/withdraw or just close the account with the money in it.

Now I wish I did the latter but instead I used it on the casino, lost it in 2 minues and then proceeded to deposit £60 to play with on the site. Long story short I lost it in less than half hour and then self excluded again.

Although it is no where near what I used to deposit, this is the worst I have felt in a long time, I am so dissapointed in myself.

I genuinely thought I was making progress and in the space of 2 minutes I was right back how I used to be.

But I am going to learn from this, this is what I am going to take from it:

1. I can never let my guard down, that email was sent to me for a reason and a casino will do anything to get you to play with them again.

2. I have to limit my access to money, as it has built up again over the past 3 weeks I was able to deposit £60 no problem.

3. The only way I can access gambling is on my phone as it does not have a blocking software.

4. The feeling of dissapointment in myself right now is sickening, it is just not worth gambling if I am going to feel like this.

Plan of action is:

1. Get back to fully expressing how I feel in this diary as I got complacent and paid less attention to it than was necessary.

2. Install blocking software on my Iphone.

3. Look at limiting my access to my card.

Anyway I can only apologise as I feel very hypocritical right now but I must move on from this.

On to day 1 tomorrow..

Good Evening everyone

Well at the end of day 1 and I am feeling better after yesterdays slip, I have come to terms that I am only human and I am a compulsive gambler who is not going to be cured overnight.

Anyway today is another day and I am feeling more positive about the future, I am going to take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow I will not gamble and I will be on here to post how the day went.

On to day 2 🙂

Evening Day 2 almost done.

No real urges today but found myself watching gambling videos on youtube when I got home, I know I have to stop this as it will eventually lead another relapse so this is something I will work on.

On to day 3

Day 5 almost done.

Still gutted in my relapse, I have definitely had more urges this time round due to that relapse but I have made the decision everytime I get an urge I will come on here and read everyones stories and see what I will be getting myself back into.

Hope everyone is doing well

Hi JMan123

I just returned to the site today to start my 365 day commitment to quitting gambling. I've read your diary and just wanted to offer my support. Sometimes it feels as if you're alone on this when making diary posts and there isn't always a response. I think you really ought to make a decision to quit watching those gambling clips as it's just going to encourage you to gamble. I think it's your way of continuing your interest in gambling - without actually doing it yourself. The problem is, sooner or later, you're more likely to gamble as a result of watching other people gamble. I speak from experience - enjoying watching a friend play slots for example, ultimately it always leads me back to gambling. I think the only way forward is to avoid gambling at all times - it does get easier - but as it gets easier, it also means we get complacent and guards go down. Have you installed blocking software on your I phone yet ? I've used K9 before - just need someone else to change your I tunes password.

Ps Stay strong you're only 2 days away from a full week again !

Evening mate

Thanks so much for your post, your right it does sometimes seem as if your alone on your diary but I am sure people are reading and following my journey. I have decided to stop watching these youtube videos as you are 100% correct in that it will at some point lead me to relapse every time.

I have now got all the relevant blocks in place so its time to get on with it.

Again thanks for taking the time to comment it is much appreciated and I hope I can return the favour.

Hiya JMan, I chose to gamble after sixty odd days being gamble free, I think I learned something from it. Casinos keep sending me emails, a voucher, a special offer...they don't want me, they want my money...well they have had enough. Don't feel gutted, it happened, you have come back stronger.

Glad to hear you've decided to give up those u tube clips - they're only likely to lead to relapse as you say. Keep on winning - by not gambling - that's the only way we can win!