Hi,
I have decided to start a new diary, I want this to be my fresh start. Yes ive been here before, many times, each time telling myself i'm not going to gamble anymore, and each time ive failled.
Well now that we are into the new year i want to start again,Today is my 2nd day of not gambling, ive been ok so far, ive really enjoyed spending time with my partner while he's had a few days off work, we've been out shopping, been out for meals and it has been really nice to have some quality time together. He does not know about my gambling problem and to be honest i can't ever see me telling him about it. He can have a little flutter and when his depost is gone, its gone, he puts a football bet on most weeks then plays the slots, this doesn't bother me because online roulette is my problem, and he doesn't play that.
I can still remember all those years ago when roulette first became a problem, i accidentally ut £25 on a number, i was mortified that i had placed a bet for £25!!! the number came up, i won £900 oh my god i was over the moon i couldn't believe it, i phoned my mum my friends and anyone else i could get hold of to tell them the news. Anyway i steered clear of that game for many months, then fast forward to last year, wow....what a crazy year it was, i joined a site, won around £3,500 i actually told my partner about this, as he thought it was just a one off site i decided to join to try my luck. That money helped us out so much, we did things in the house, we bought new furniture, life was good.
Fast forward another few months, i wanted another win like that £3,500! i wanted that feeling again! This is where i think it all went so horribly wrong, i joined site after site after site, loosing large amounts of money, i was having to loans to play roulette with, it go so bad to the point i was in around £14.000 worth of debt! I could hardly sleep, i was so angry all the time, my partner was taking the blunt end of my horrible mood swings. I just decided i'd have to work all the hours god sends to repay this debt. I continued gambling, got lucky and managed to repay all that debt, at last i was debt free, new start i thought, i never want to be in that situation again. Did i stop? No i didn't because im a compulsive gambler. Built up debt again, got lucky again, this keeps happening! Why do i never treat it as a 2nd 3rd 4th chance? because im a compulsive gambler. Anyway to cut a long story short, my recent big win got me out of trouble, yes i played some of the winnings back, but i still have money in my account. Im not in any kind of debt, all the money in my account is my own, and this time i really want to keep that money and build it up by hard work, Ive come to realise im quite fortunate compared to some of the post i have read on this site. But i know if i carry on gambling, say this time next year my luck may have well and truely ran out.
Sorry for ranting on, i will leave it at that for now, Like i say day 2 today, and im feeling good.
Bye for now diary, See you tomorrow.
Hi!
I was the same as you - i won £10k on a site and last xmas was amazing!! but I kept trying to win again...I thought 'if its hapened to me before, it can happen again!' oh so very wrong was I! So, I ended up losing back probably just as much through chasing losses until I accepted my losses are gone. These companies know that they will get the money back one way or another eventually as CG's cannot stop.
Good luck for 2015!
Mel
Thanks for the reply Mel.
Thats the problem with us gamblers isn't it, no amount of money would ever be enough i don't think. Half the time im sure i play to loose, I can't seem to rest until the amout i see on the screen is a zero! But hey no more, I can think of better things to do with my money than giving it to these sites.
How are you doing with your recovery Mel? All the best for 2015 for you.
Day 3 today
Having terrible urges at the moment to gamble, so ive decided to come on here instead. These urges have only just come on, ive been fine all day, hadn't thought about gambling at all, im guessing thats because i had kept myself busy.
Im alone in the house with the laptop on, this is a hard time for me, when ever im alone with the computer on all i think about is gambling.
I think i might go and take the dog out, be good to get some fresh air and clear my head. I must not gamble, i can use my money on much better things, i won't win even if i did gamble, as i cannot stop! i need to stay strong and i will stay strong.
See you tomorrow diary with another gamble free day under my belt.
Well done coming here & good idea taking the dog out mylife86...Hope it made it easier to resist the urges! They will come but you will get stronger & will win everytime you choose no! See you tomorrow with that extra day on your counter 🙂
Hello Diary
Sorry i missed you yesterday, but its good news, yesterday was a gamble free day & today has been a gamble free day! yayyy,feeling quite proud of myself. Had a good old well i would say spring clean but seen as its winter we'll call it a winter clean of the house lol! Kept myself busy and things where honkey dorey 🙂
Sorry it's only a short post, just wanted to check in & tell you im staying on track for 2015.
Forgot to say, today is Day fiveeeeeeee, good going for me the compulsive gambler, out with the old in with the new, Also Emily, im going to try and give up the ciggys, wish me luck! Probably try and start that on Monday, I need to do something, ive been smoking far to much lately, need to try and knock it on the had, thats yet another bad habbit ive got lol.
Hi! Well done with your recovery and keep posting 🙂
Your so right, no amount would have made me happy cos I was unhappy in my life at the time. I think I even got to the point that it was a relief when the money was gone!! I mean WT??!! No money for shopping or bills (the important ones were covered I should add though) but jus completely irrational, turning to PD loans!!!
I'm doing ok, on day 8 but jus focusing on each day as it comes still as it's early days for me...
Mel x
Day 6 now mylife86 🙂
What you're doing is working...Keep it up - ODAAT
Hey you, not heard from you in a few days! Drop in & let us know you're ok when you get a spare minute! Hoping you're keeping strong - ODAAT
Im back, again,again,again, again. Still been gambling, well yesterday was the last time, heres to yet another fresh start! this seems to keep happening, well the savings are going down down down, ive come to the conclusion ive not only got a gambling addiction, Im just selfish! The things me and my partner could do with the money i selfishly waste on gambling could do so much good, but instead i choose to gamble it all away. I know things could be worse and dont get me wrong i do feel fortunte compared to some of the diarys i have read, and looking back a few years when my debt was in double figures, and now i have no debt, i even still have a little bit of savings left, but i could of had so much more, but you know what happens, you get that big win and you want more more more, and before you know it, it's all gone.
Today i've decided not only to quit this gambling which is slowly taking over my life, but i also need to sort this selfish cow out! Like i said, all the good that can be done with that money and selfish me just blows it all, When did i become this vile person? Still to this day after all this time no-one still knows about my addiction, i was scared to come back on here to be honest, and if it all goes pete tongue this time round, i doubt very much i will be back here anymore, as im just making my self look stupid each time i return. There has got to be more to life than this, why why why did i get sucked into roulette.
Sorry for the negative post, im hoping over the coming days the mood will pick up, and i will wake up and stop being such a fool.
Hey my life,
Don't feel scared about coming on here, we are all CGs on here and we all understand how hard it is, no one judges, but everyone understands.
You are not stupid, this addiction will hold on till the end if we let it.
You can do this if you really want to, recovery is there waiting, just start make the right choices,
Barriers, blocks,self exclusion, use the triangle to the max, 24/7,
I am pleased you have come back, after slipping, it shows you do not want to give up giving up.
Sending you strong and determined thoughts
Suzanne xx
Thank you Suzanne,
Your message really means alot and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. I really am going to try try try, unfortunately i am unable to add blocks to my laptop, and trust me its not because i don't want to. But the triangle, yes i can use that and i need to use it to the max like you said. Again thank you for your advice. xx
A very familiar story , winning thousands gives you such a huge buzz but then slowly but surely you lose and lose and lose until there is no more.
The problem with gambling it makes us very greedy , we see winning like free money but losing is like the end of the world , when we lose we chase until we are down to our last penny , the phrase on here is we cannot win because we cannot stop , the recovery path is awful for the first few weeks but it does I have found get easier , dont ruin your whole life for the roulette your family is so much more important
Hi mylife86, if beating this vile addiction was easy, we wouldn't all be here! I have no idea of how many undocumented times I tried to stop but I never gave up giving up, just as you won't & now here I am living a life I never dreamed existed! There definately is more to life than gambling but that doesn't make it any easier to break away!
You may not be able to install a blocker but you can come on here so next time you find the computer in your hand pop in & say Hi, you never know, it might just give you the distraction you need!
Keep strong - ODAAT
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
