Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout..

.. 6 days not gambling is an acheivment.. well done!

Forget all this stuff about needing to go months free.. just take it one day at a time. In my experince its the only thing that really works. Its about living in the here and now. No forcasting into the future, no setting of targets.. just living life, warts and all.. one day at time. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Weekend nice no gambling episodes went to another town where I always normally gamble

Anyway this time just did a bit of 'economical shopping'

There is always something about the autumn/winter that makes me feel like gambling. I am going to have to watch that in future....

Reasons not to gamble:

1) gambling robs me of any spare cash

2) gambling has become an addiction

3) gambling is what has caused my debt problems in the first place (without gambling I would be much better off and will be in the future bu not gambling)

4) Gambling just makes me feel depressed that I am wasting money I need for other things including paying off the debt caused by gambling

5) gambling changes my character into someone I do not like and leads to arguments stress to myself and other people

Gambling has tied me and my life in knots for the last few years I am sure everyone who has this problem can relate to that. Only I seeking the right help and making the right decisions can change my path and unravel them....

Basically gambling makes me feel quite ill mentally and sometimes physically and is not good for my wellbeing.

Really looking forward to making some long term positive changes

Awayout

Awayout,

It's good to hear you speaking some sense recently on your diary rather than lamenting your losses. Keep the recovery fresh in your mind as will power is so important in our recoveries.

Best of strength to you and congrats on your recent work,

Brian

Hi Awayout,

Yes, do watch that autumn winter thing and how it affects your moods and health and general well being. My history says that i am more likely to gamble in the winter than the summer. But I am saying to myself that it doesnt matter how i feel.. this is still not a reason to gamble. I have no reasons to gamble. I am unable to control my gambling so gambling is simply not an option. All the best in recovery.. S.A

Hi diary. Just been paid whilst I have not relapsed in a 'bad way' I am bought quite a few lotto tickets and a couple scratchcards and I feel guilty about it.

I know the lotto is not 'big money' but it is money I can ill afford to waste. Still get the same sickening feeling losing that odd fiver that adds up to about £15 on lotto products during the week.

I can honestly say that at times lotto gambling has made me 'itchy' to gamble on other things so I must give it up.

I am really stumped how I can avoid buying lotto products which are rife...

Any suggestons would be appreciated. I know carrying no money would be the answer but I still need a bit for snacks drinks the only thing that keeps me going tnrough the week on occasion.

maybe the sweets and snacks are just another type of addiction!

Awayout

Buy sweets and snacks elsewhere and take them with you! And buy them in bulk so it works out cheaper (eg. multipacks of coke as opposed to a ridiculous £1 for one small bottle)

As lottos are everywhere, it seems that only willpower will stop you from buying them. Just be very grateful that no-one can ever go out of control and spend hundreds on them like those dreaded FOBTs.

Have a great gamble free week

Getting There

Hi Awayout,

Well done on staying away from the machines.

Like you say yourself.. you gotta really limit your access to money. Only carry what you really really need. Your not gonna win a bunch of money playing lottery products and even if you did you'd only gamble it away again. It would go in the machines wouldnt it??

When your on a low income £1 is a significant amount of money. As i said in my diary recently.. £1 could buy me a bag of apples.. or a fresh loaf of bread. that £1 has value.. its not monopoly money.. its not gambling money.. it buys you the basics in life. back to basics

Another way to look at it is how buying a lottery product makes you feel.... how do you feel after buying a scratch card or lottery ticket??.. how do you feel after gambling on anything?? I know how i feel... I feel like cr**.

Onwards and upwards.. day at a time.. S.A

Just to thank you. What you said makes real sense. OK I'm relatively poor. I am well educated but on a low wage.

What you said is true £1 has value. I need to be like a small child going back to basics that even 10p/50p/£1 has value. I need to relearn the value of money.

I still remember getting 50p in a little brown envelope from a lovely old lady next doorneighbour as a small child and thinking how wonderful that was. What I bought was something interesting the money had value and meant a lot.

I also remember getting 10ps from my uncle even up to a point when I knew this was not a lot of money but it still meant a lot or emptying my moneybox as a youngster of 1p/2ps/5/10ps and thinking I was rich!!!

Now to get to the point I still get the urges thikning I could still win. But I find myself buying the hotpicks less numbers and better chance of winning but still no prizes....

Now i feel quite stupid buying the lottery as it is always wasted money. Better spent on a snack or a treat or staying in the bank as I need the cash...

I also notice buying lottery stuff spoils my recovery period. Honestly it makes me feel quite depressed, although I am wasting a few pounds it still feels mindless.

I still feel that twinge of excitement that I might win a small amount but even that does not happen and I feel down, it then takes me a few days to get over it and then the pull comes on the Wednesday and Friday and Saturday.

There are far too many lottery products and draws, with DPlay for example Monday- Saturday £1 a time. The government has let this enterprise get too powerful IMHO.

So I do feel sick with it.

I also notice my financial recovery might be very slow. But, at least there is a recovery when I stop gambling.

Gambling is such a drain emotionally and financially. I could do without this cr** in my life!

Awayout

Hi awayout.. just wanted to thank you for your support on my diary. As always I see so many similarities between us. The thing is if you can motivate yourself to find a new job while your still in a job.. that is by far the ideal. Ive given myself huge amounts of stress by doing it the hard way.. flying by the seat of my pants really lol

I agree with your latest thoughts on gambling. If I gamble on anything no matter how seemingly insignificant I then go through the let down feelings and then the twinge of excitement again which inevitably leads to another gamble and another and another. I'd rather just sit with my true feelings however difficult they may feel.. and trust me they have felt very difficult recently.. and not add the gamble horribleness on top. It is not easy i do not find it easy.. but i keep plugging away.

Anyway let us know how your getting on.. good bad or indifferent. As others say to me.. this is your diary, this is your companion through the trials and tribulations of life. Look after yourself as i endeavour to look after me. Regards.. S.A

Haven't posted since November

Things were going well - had paid off bills and even saved up extra for Christmas with a well known auction site. I was on a real high!

I am not trying to make excuses but have been feeling a bit low due to a situation at work and Christmas/miserable winter weather. New management etc always makes me stressed...

Well on Saturday after doing some overtime I felt like doing something to distress and went on a shopping trip to another town.

Ok for a while went for a burger, (know being hungry makes me more likely to gamble) and the looked round shops. Usually I would have been in bookies after getting off bus.

Then made a phone call to mum about which pressie to get. All well and good the 'G' word warning was made.

Then for some reason I coudl not make up my mind what to do the work situation thing kept going round my head..

Some stupid thought went through my head that I could win enough on horses for present in bookies...:(

I ended up in the old haunt which I had not been in in about three months and just went on horse. Lost by a neck and stewards enquiry - ut alas no winner. Then the crappy virtual horses more losses.

The close second annoyed me lost about £10No one on machines. Then I saw some playing watched over them. Before I knew it I was on them and lost all the cash I had £30.00 (including the £10 lost)

Next stupidly went back to the cashpoint and got another £210 in all. Must have won it all back after nearly losing it all. Then I just could not take the money. Same old story. I cannot trust myself why did I do it??

I had already saved enough for bills and Christmas and the present I needed but got greedy thinking I could win the £20 needed and ended up being overdrawn -£159 witha bill still to pay...

This cannot go on. I am barred from all bookies in my town except new one which I would not go in as too close to work etc...

I visited a branch of same said bookie in this other town I went shopping in. Ended up feeling desperate and even asking the dubious character watching me lose on these FOBTs roulette and who had a good win whether they would let me have a go (with their money) and do a 50/50 split of profit. I don't think I have ever approached a practical stranger in a bookies like that before... this worries me.

I have not been doing FOBTs /online roulette for 3 months and then can go from normality to this in hours.

I know I have messed up, I ended up asking for exclusion form but they said only bring photos in. So will do this will finally close the loophole that's cost me 1000s over the yeas.

All this and I am working longer hours at work, meaking stupid mistakes because my brain feels tired and fried as I have not been sleeping. So have to watch myself now.

I expect no sympathy only I can do it. I think I really need a break from all gambling

Awayout

Hi Awayout, I've just read your last post. I'm not going to give you sympathy! But I'm not going to be hard on you either. You are a compulsive gambler. You will have urges as we both now that 'it' never leaves us. You stopped for three months. What worked well for you in that time? Whatever it was, you need to get back to doing it. You didn't post on here for a month....was that the reason. You dropped your barriers and gave yourself the opportunity to gamble again. Ban yourself, start reading and posting again, limit your money supply. Give yourself a chance. You can do this again. Russ

Hi Awayout and good to see you back and posting 🙂

Like Russ, no sympathy from me but i can empathise with you. Just like me you set yourself up for fall. Feeling low and going to another town and having access to money.. you were always going to gamble no matter how you tried to delude yourself that you wern't.

And once in the "zone" and once you had freedom from your feelings and life problems.. you were always going to gamble ALL your available access to money.

This is complusive gambling. Its an emotional problem. It is not easy to step off the merry go round of compulsive gambling but it can be done.

Start fighting it my friend... one day at a time. You can cope with depressive feelings without gambling. Its hard work, I find it hard work but the alternative is just more and more of the same.

You can do this, I can do this.. we all can do this. Regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Awayout.. happy new year to you. Maybe up date your diary sometime soon whatever it is that is going on for you.. S.A 🙂

Looking forward to cutting the gambling out this year.

I am stony broke at the moment following Christmas expense, the last relapse early December and overspending on myself to take my mind off gambling..

Will be playing catchup in terms of bill repayment at next pay day (end of Feb).

After yet another disappointing 'near miss' on the lottery (one of my numbers came up as a bonus so didn't win) I intend to cut that out too.

I have come to realise one bet is never another. If I start gambling it just encourages more. I have seen that people who have had same numbers on lottery since beginning and for fear of missing that elusive 'big win' keep going. What a waste. Yes 1 in millions may get the jackpot up but for the majority they are throwing their money away every week and deluding themselves...

I was doing rather well just making a bit extra money working hard in spare time. OK not a fortune but it was enough to make life more comfortble not worrying about bills all day...

Gambling once more has depleted my bank balance so I am now playing catch up. To make matters worse my computer stopped working New Years Day so I could not use the internet for making extra cash. I started buying scratchcards had one win of £20 but I must have spent £45 so not a very good deal...

Time to give up on these too my friends... Lottery tickets and scratchcards are a joke, They are a way of making people think they are doing something entertaining and 'adult'. Just another tax on the very poor and vulnerable most of the time...

It is amazing how seriously people take these things (I was the same). Really believing they WILL win... that is their life. I had become like that GAMBLING was my life. I do not want that anymore.

Awayout

Hi Awayout.

Glad you're back here.

Keep writing all your stuff in your diary.

Like S.A. has said already. Deep down something inside you, knew you were going to gamble. It is amazing how many similarities there are amongst compulsive gamblers. All that advise that is given from people who this advise has worked for, and yet, still we think we know better and can control this....

The best sentence you have written is this: ""I had become like that GAMBLING was my life. I do not want that anymore.""

I wish you well

God Bless

Sabine x