Need to start all over!

Just over a week now away from what I call 'heavy gambling' ie online/slots/bookies/arcade/roulette

However as I said I have overspent but enough left to cover bills. I think I have tried to compensate for the loss of no gambling with a spending spree.

I am trying to work out a budget for next few months which always helps.

As regards work. feeling a bit depressed as an 'over qualified' person in a low paid job. Fellow workers show little or no respect deffo looking elsewhere. Getting nearer 40 and it is a bit scary...

I try not to compare myself to other men of same age with a lot more wherewithall and children house car etc. It's quite tough though.

Trying to keep on top the debts which are just about manageable but will be there for another 6 years I guess unless job situation changes.

At least I am staying off gambling and have something to show for what I ahve bought.

Awayout

Hi Awayout... thanks for your support mate.

I understand what you say. I am a period of months away from the big 40 and have similar issues around low paid job, money worries, missed oppurtunities, low self-esteem, depression and staying off the gambling of course!

Ive known several people who commit themselves to staying off the heavy gambling (as you call it) but carry on doing the lottery etc. However after a few months of staying off heavy gambling and succeeding they tended to stop the lottery as well.

Bizarrely with me is that ive been able to stay off the lottery and all lottery products for 7 years now. If only I could say the same for the slots.

Keep working at it matey. We both know that if nothing changes then nothing changes. Regards.. S.A

I am on a downer today. I should have been careful I was so tired today.

I was gambling 8.00am today when I realised my 28 gambling trial was over. Very stupid lost £200 on my credit card. Then got home after a depressing day weather etc/colleague reminding me I 'had nothing to show for my life for someone of my age' ie own house etc.

Found myself back on the site I had been off of for the 28 days in the evening after work. Feel gutted have to go in bank and sort out my situation once more just to keep my head just above water... lost another £250 I dont have.

So a very bad day at the office. I do not mean that flippantly I feel gutted, down with hardly any energy. I have very little disposable income - all on debts/bills/sericing the debt.

Fortunately there was enough space in another overdraft to buy the full version of the gamblocking software and I feel relieved I am safe once more...

The addiction was tempting me to lie and ask for a card someone is looking after so I could gamble more to try and win losses back, but wish I had installed block again as soon as trial over.

Let this be a warning to anyone else who is just on the trial.

There was no need for me to want to gamble as things were better. But I did. I took the wrong path and I do not want to do it again!

The loss of the £450 will be more as on credit card so interest on cash etc...

Very tempting to not install the block and use other bits of overdraft etc in another account but I decided better to use this available cash to pay off some of the debt in the other account/and credit card.

I always seem to be robbing Peter to pay Paul. When will it stop??? I am used to having to scrape and being close to the edge of going over the financial and emotional precipice because of gambling. When will it stop???

ANSWER:

When I stop gambling and sort my debts out from no LONGER GAMBLING and sorting my life out...

It will probably stop when you GENUINELY want it to stop,when you,ve exhausted all the lame excuses you can.

Get it into your head,nobody but you cares about your debts,do you think the bank is worried about you being overdrawn all the time,they dont give a toss,in fact they like it,you are a good customer of theirs because they can charge you lots of money.

Gambling for you is a big part of your life,label it what you want,come on here and get some comfort from all the people who are genuinely staying away from gambling and then go off and do your own thing as usual.

I,ve kept up with most of your diary (including your last one) and i always hoped you would conquer your gambling habit after all this new???? diary has been going over 2 years!!!!!!! but its getting boring now.

ANSWER:

You wont stop gambling because you dont WANT to stop and if you come back with the reply that you do want to stop then GET... ON... WITH... IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi Awayout... unfortunately ANL is basically right in what he says. All I can add is that I am not much different. Ive spent years feeling sorry for myself and hoping beyond hope that someone, something, anything would come along and make things better. But alas the only person thats gonna make my life better is ME... and my life aint gonna get no better when I periodically gamble my money away. Same goes for you my friend.

All the best... S.A

No money due to the gambling binge. Will I ever learn?? Blocks in place another year lol.

Staying off gambling. Much easier when you're up to your eyeballs again in debt.

I must learn somehing about myself and why it is I cannot hold onto money anymore.

Awayout

How goes it Awayout? ... managing to stay off the "heavy" gambling??

Anyway whatever is going on for you.. all the best.. S.A

Hi good news is I have not blown my cash on gambling.

Bad news I am still training myself in money management. I have been so poor at managing money during the grip of my addiction.

My bank balance is minus everywhere. I am living out of my overdraft from one month to the next paying the charges.

April was going better until approaching pay day. I had made a large speculative purchase at a well known auction site without seeing all the goods. I have been fortunate in finding some good items in the past. This time I paid through the nose and the promise of 'finds' has not yet materialised! The lot was 'picked to death' where you could see a lot of the good bits had been taken out...

So in a way back to square one as overspent and now struggling to find cash for bill.

I did manage to get about 10% of the money back from the purchase as not described but still spent just over a months wages!

I could have returned the lot but it was just too much hassle.

Anyway a money management lesson learnt. Never buy goods that you have not inspected fully.

I need to start managing what little I have much better to pay off my dues and start leading a normal life. Making that purchase was a kind of gamble and I feel I have let myself down a little by it. Probably out of pocket a few hundred

Awayout

Be as strong as you can Awayout. Don't worry too much about the auction purchase and inspecting things before buying. I say that because we have all done similar things. I used to frequent auctions all the time. In fact, I used to buy and sell antique golf balls. I soon stayed well clear of auctions after I saw some of the things the auctioneers and potential buyers did to the items before, during and even after the sales.

You're an intelligent guy. You'll get back on your feet. Unfortunately you have to face and go through this debt that this is the result of your gambling binge. You ask will you ever learn? Yes you will. I think the penny drops for all of us at some point but it depends on who we are individually. It happens quicker for some and not for others. I have continually experimented with gambling, thinking each time it will be different and that I will have control. What a load of tripe. Its the same rubbish every time. I don't want to play games with myself anymore.

Best wishes.

Thanks for your support guys.

I have not been posting on this site since 23 April. So I need to focus again.

Work is cr** again they are getting really itty-bitty at performance meetings.

Awayout

Hi Awayout... I can appreciate the work feeling cr** feeling. Mine feels cr** but somehow ive got some satisfaction that am not using that feeling as an excuse to gamble and by the sounds of it you are managing to stay off the "heavy" gambling as you call it and maybe all gambling?? keep fighting the good fight! .. S.A 🙂

Hi I need to post on my diary I am getting lax again. Thanks SA for posting yes I have been off the heavy stuff. But lottery has still been getting into my life but not too much. Not even a solitary tenner!

Gambling is more under control than ever, finances are not.

I am paying the price for spending too much money that is not in my hand ie on credit cards. Fortunately not huge amounts as I had before partly as I my credit rating is poor so I cannot get large amounts. But if I am not careful I will go down the road of taking out small amounts on multiple credit cards at nastly interest rates..

I have been spending the 'spare credit' on things which I simply do not need. I must stop if I am going to get my spending under control.

I am in late 30s on a low paid job and I have come to realise I am taking advantage of my mum and I don't like myself 'coz of it. Sometimes it cannot be helped the bills are getting out of control. But like recently I just coveted something and bought it. SELFISH and GREEDY. I know this 'buying' is similar to gambling and brimgs similar feelings with the waste, regret/guilt etc. Only difference is it means I have something solid whereas with gambling I had nothing...

I think maybe I have replaced the gambling with buying these unnecessary things which is equally damaging to my financial and emotional recovery from gambling. I must curve that. Of course I need to start treating myself from time to time as I have been treating myself like c**P as well as others but not go overboard...

I am also in that catch 22 situation: I hate my sh*tty job but I need the paltry wages coming in just to get by and have no savings to just go and jump ship. I have to try and find alternative employ and that's tough in current climate.

Rant over. So basically catching up with my overspend from last few weeks. I feel a bit out of control in that all these banks etc have a piece of me with the debt but I don't have anything to show for all my hard work. Would I have ever gambled if I had known that life was going to be so hard because of it - 'DEFINITELY NOT'.

Rant over!

Hi Diary.

Need to write on you as I have not written in the whole of June.

I have just been a lot busier, which in a way is a good thing as no time for the gambling to come back with a vengeance.

I just don't feel I have time to organise myself in my home life and personal matters. I also need to concentrate on earning more money and finding a good job which 'aint easy' at the mo.

Looking back at my last post I have repeated the same mistake again: buying far too much I don't need and more importantly cannot really afford. So overspend again.

This overspending seems to happen at times when I am quiet on my own on the computer and see something as a 'money spinner'. Just when I know I am about to get payed or am getting some debt down a bit.

That debt is still 5 figures and going down excrutiatingly slowly or no change when I overspend for the month.

I need to snap myself out of this cycle. I am not gambling heavily but still go on lottery and scratch cards. I must have wasted a couple hundred on lottery tickets this year. It could have been used a lot better getting a bit of debt down.

The worst thing: I am not paying what I should be to my very kind mum. She has stopped me from going under but I am finding it nye impossible to find the money for rent I should be with all the overspending and loan repayments etc. That;s what hurts the most.

I have paid of nearly 4 yrs worth of a ten year consolidation loan and it has been the worst waste of money (interest payments) and time in my life. The only thing that has got better is the heavy gambling has ceased and I never go into bookies now or gamble online.

If I only knew what it was going to be like giving myself this 10 year debt sentence.... Of course that is with hindsight.

These are important years of my life. I should be raising a family or paying off a mortgage or saving a big pensions pot and ENJOYING LIFE.

The huge debt stemming from the gambling and the large consolidation loan which effectively doubled my debt is feeling like a bit of a life sentence.

I need to buck my ideas up. I am still living at home and people think I have it easy. But I am busy with other activities (member of group), working extra hours and trying to sort my financial mess out the whole time when there never seems enough time in the day.

Also I try to not have the arguments at home all the time about money. Not spending it and giving more.

They say money does not make you happy but it makes life easier when you have it!! I am constantly worried by not putting enough away for pension pot etc things are tough for everyone at the moment (apart from stinking rich) but I am living with the fact I have made myself poor through gambling and taking out expensive loans. Hard to face reality.

Need to be careful the rest of the year.. and respect myself and others more..

Awayout.

Hi Awayout .. good to see you post and well done for staying out of the bookies and not gambling online. This is progress my friend. Ask yourself how many times have you been able to say that over the years you have been posting on these forums?? Progress.

As for me i had a gambling binge last Sunday after 3 months completely clean. I am disappointed in myself but nothing i can do about it now and am moving onwards and upwards to better times ahead. Keep posting friend. We are of similar age and similar issues but in common with everyone who posts here is this.. life stops getting worse when we don't gamble and over time it starts to get better. take care.. S.A 🙂

Have just wasted £125 in arcade (Saturday) and went on spending spree. Owe a couple friends money. Although I could not have paid them all of it I could have paid a bit. Now I have nothing to pay them with. Also I need a bit more to pay a bill.

I also to have to admit to a relapse in early July which is why I could have been away from my diary so long. This was to the tune of £300 my daily max. Once again I was bailed out.

I feel sick with what I have done. Something about summertime does this to me. Or again am I making excuses? I should have known I was tempted to go for a trip and spend, spend spend. I should never have taken my card with me.

Anyway 'fortunately' reached my daily limit so this stopped any more losses.

Have decided this is the end of the 'arcade' for me it is not an acceptable activity in my daily life. It is not an entertainment which might be acceptable it is detrimental to my mental health and well well being.

I have got to stop = my life is going nowhere with gambling around

Awayout