Need to start all over!

Hi Awayout.. you know yourself your making excuses. You wanted to gamble so you did. Maybe one of the problems you have is that you never really fully feel the consequnces and hence itsb hard to get fully motivated to not gamble. You feel the desire to gamble and you act on it. Yes you feel sorry for yourself after a binge (like we all do) but from what i can see your not under threat of not being able to pay rent and becoming homeless and I think deep down your gambling head knows that.. so you periodically gamble.. cos you feel like it.

Don't get me wrong am not getting on my high horse.. cos I am much the same or have been at any rate.. My resolve is getting stronger all the time and i'd like to think that next time i have an overwhelming desire to gamble that this time i will not act on it. I will instead pick up the phone and pseak to someone cos thats all it takes really that and not having the ammunition in the pocket.

By the way it might help to have your daily withdrawal limiy reduced.. and that way if you do gamble.. it limits any damage.. All the best mate.. S.A 🙂

Just looking at all the worthless lottery slips in my drawer reminding me what a waste of money gambling is. Gambling is cr** !!!

What I am trying to do is instill in my mind and reprogram it that gambling is not a respectable or worthwhile pursuit. It is pathetic and a pile of s**t destroying lives and making life tougher.

You only hear about the big winners with these massive lotteries never the millions who are losing 100s every year

Awayout

Have not been on my diary 2 months:

BIG MISTAKE! I have slipped up in that time and I blame only myself for crossing that line and doing it again.

A recent relapse today has shaken me once more. I must not put myself in that situation again. I a few losses a win (never a win) and more losses today.

Day one is tomorrow. I am going to try and stop ALL forms of gambling this time else I have not changed in the 4 YEARS yes 4 years I need to tell myself since starting this diary.

Still have one credit card to finish paying off, a large overdraft and an even larger consolidation loan I should never have taken out. It was a rash decision at the time when it seemed my last hope in 2007.

It is up to me to stop going in these gambling places completely. Once the door has been entered then the line has already been crossed and I must remember that.

Here's to my day one tomorrow. I am probably finding things harder than some as I am living with my parent so my gambling brain knows I have something to fall back on and I have never had the 'real consequences' of gambling although I lost my 20k savings and now am in a similar amount in debt.

IT IS UP TO ME TO CHANGE. Blocks are in place but there is always somewhere to gamble if you really want to enough. My need to NOT want gambling and resilience has to outway the urge to gamble.

Awayout

Hi awayout and good to see you post. As always I enjoy reading your posts, cos you say it exactly as it is.

I can empathise with that feeling stuck in a life situation and feeling stuck in a pattern of behaviour... a pattern of behaviour that ultimately leads back to gambling.

Keep trying to work at it as i keep trying to work at my life situation. Nothing changes if nothing changes. All the best... S.A

Because of all the unfortunate opportunities there are for us all to gamble, and there are far too many as we all know, it really is up to you whether you want to stop all forms of gambling.

Do you really want to lose all your hard earned money?

The choice is yours.

Blocks are useful to have but there is unfortunately no 100% plan to block us from throwing away our money.

Just remember what life can be like when you don't gamble.

All the best.

GT

Tuesday will be my Day 3 gamble free.

Thanks for everyones support in my diary recently, despite repeated slips. Only I can change things I must remember this each day.

The big test is no more gambling on lottery days especially Wednesday/Friday/Saturday.

I hate the highs and very low lows after a heavy loss like last Saturday. Too easy to forget you WILL LOSE eventually if you gamble. Odds are always stacked against you in gambling.

Awayout

Got to Day 4. Did not do EuroM... Wednesday lottery is the next test.

I think I havent gone without doing the lottery for many, many weeks

Awayout

Hi diary went without stupid gambling on roulette machines for nearly a month. Yesterday let myself down again on a shopping trip. Fortunately bought my presents first...

Although the time lapse has been longer without gambling I feel disappointed with myself because I had about £200 spare cash after buying all my presents. I had worked hard saving this money up.

One of the last posters mentioned 'do you really want to waste your hard earned money?' The short answer is 'no' but if I let the addiction win then the answer would be obviously 'yes'. (not consciously)

I feel a fool once more for not listening and I really need to get myself self excluded from this last 'port of call' as it were. It is a bookies beginning with 'L'

I had a stinking cold, undertheweather and probably should have been at home but I needed to go xmas shopping. I felt I went in the bookies for the action of gambling rather than ever going to 'take the money'.VERY DANGEROUS for the addicted gambler.

At one point I had won half the money I had spent on shopping with only £3.50 in coins. Another time I had nearly 10x that amount 100s but could not and did not even think about pressing the 'collect button'. I was there like a zombie fixated with the 'game'. Usual person looking over my shoulder making suggestions saying wow when I recovered with only £20 left. Then another guy next to me I feel is watching to see how I'm doing obviously on a losing run. He goes on the slots.

Then sure enough he goes back on the roulette and wins XXXX out of 2 different machines. My XXX slowly becomes 0 the young guy that was there before looking over my shoulder soon disappears before later returning and saying 'you didn't lose it all did you?''

At this time I had already visited the ATM twice total = £200 (2 x£100)

Anyway at the time the guy collected XXXX I still had roughly what I withdrawn from said ATM £140. However instead of seeing sense I carried on not thinking of the consequences but aware I could have had nearly 3x what I came in with and continued to risk it until gone...

I really should NOT have made myself go in there. I know this site is about addiction and controlling it. Clearly these places rely on the fact that most people will not press 'COLLECT' or simply continue to gamble as they are addicted to the 'GAME' and cannot function logically and will chase losses.

I cheated myself by THINKING I could BEAT THE SYSTEM. I must remember it is not about how clever you are but the fact you ARE addicted to the game.

I admit I was there just for the addictive action to feed the addicition and satisfy that need. There was no chance I was going to take any money.

I need to find a certain way of trying to stop to having to feed the cravings of the addiction with 'gambling action'. To stop gambling being a part of my life.

I need to completely bin the 'need' to gamble everytime it comes up in my mind. I had stopped scratchcards for a couple months - then started again a couple weeks ago

Could do with someone popping into my diary daily I feel I need a regular mentor if anyone is willing? I would try to support them daily too if anyone is interested just to say are you keeping off etc..

Thanks Awayout

Hello there,

My name is Paul i have followed your diary for a long time. I see your problems are so similiar to my own.

im not in a great paid job ut yet i continue to bet. I have 3 loans, 3 payday loans, 4 credit cards, overdraft, and owe friends.

I'm hoping that this payday can be different.

i will definately support you daily awayout. i know what pain the gambling can cause.

i get paid this wednesday so i nee it to be my day 1. good luck awayout and post daily. i will too. we can beat this gambling and find a way out, awayout.

my name is goosedman thanks for listening.

Hi Awayout

I havent read your whole diary and im only at the

start of my recovery about 6 weeks ish gamble free i understand how tough this is but i will pop on your diary daily to support and kick your a**e if need be.

For some one to have the courage to ask for help i can only but support them.

Stay Strong hun we will support you all the way.x

Hi it has uplifted me to see that people have been following my diary (goosedman) that I did not know about and willing to support me daily where I need to be with moral support and just dropping in a line if nothing else. So thanks to Elizabeth40 for your support also.

I understand we all have times when it is difficult to get time for the internet, but this might just be what I need.

I have a stinking cold as I said for about 3 weeks and I get it on my chest as I am slightly asthmatic. Needless to say the gambling has not helped me to feel any better.

I will also be interested to drop in on other people diary here.

I will try and post daily and maintain a momentum to recovery which I have never fully committed to before although I have blocks in place computer, self excluded from majority of bookmakers etc

Thanks Awayou

Hi away

Dont know if your at work but popping in to say one day at a time an hour at a time if need be.

Make this a gamble free day hun.

Stay Strong.x

Hi Elizabeth. I have been in non-gambling mode as no money to throw and also working in my part-time retail job.

So another gamble day free day without too much effort. Keeping away from bookies. The main problem with my gambling is little 'domestics' at work can trigger my want to buy scratchcards/lottery which in turn can lead to more itchiness to gamble once or twice a month on the roulette machines FOBTS in bookmakers.

All the forms of gambling whether a few quid a time on each lottery or the roulette machines where I have lost 1000s are all damaging to me. But staying in there and keeping off..

Awayout.

Hello Awayout,

Glad you are staying out. Unfortunately i had a bad day yesterday. I borrowed £40. Had a few drinks at the market then lost £20 in the bookies. Went home in a rage and was in bed for 6:30,

So i shall start again. I get paid tomorrow so this will be a new start.

Will keep in touch,

Goosedman1

Sorry to here that Goosedman1 I will try and reply on your diary. Only consolation it was £20 could have been worse like my £200. But those £1s £10s and £20s do count as I know from the £1 lotteries/scratchcards. Not only encouraging more gambling but add up financially to quite a lot of money.. as we can see from the gambling and lottery companies' profits.

I am in day 3, but this is easy for me as my main problem is Saturdays.

How am I feeling this Tuesday am? Well answser is pretty lousy as I was thnking about the effort that had gone in to saving that extra £200 which has now gone and what 'might have been' - other things it could have gone on.

I know I must sweep these thoughts under the carpet else Saturday I will be tempted to gamble again to try and win it back. (Although I would have to travel to do this).

I have made a countdown list of the number of days I would like to see myself gamble free. It is also the same number which will see me completely debt free from all the debt caused by gambling.

I shall not go into precise details but we are talking years rather than months. But I thought maybe if I did a count down it could get me going. I should also see the benefits of not gambling financially in getting my immediate debt - (overdrafts/credit cards down quicker).

Each day I am going to cross off a rather high looking number. But each day that passes the number will slowly but surely get smaller. Just a novel way of keeping track of my progress. If I do fail - and I hope I dont. I will still continue the plan. Hopefully still seeing progress of less slips, no slips etc

Awayout