Hi All,
I have been reading the posts on here for the last couple of weeks. I almost come on here when i get the urge to gamble so i can read about other peoples gambling (makes me feel like im playing) - I cant explain its strange.
Anyway - I was gambling when i first started university and won a few/lost a few in and out of my overdraft. I had £6 on a football accumulater 15 folds and won £19K - life changing money. I spent the next year frittering it away on holidays, new car & rubbish and only small bets so not really into the full swing of gambling then - if i had have realised back then how far it could take me i would have banked it and got a deposit on a house but i wpas young dumb and at uni and thought i was the big man spending big and taking my girlfriend out for nice trips etc...
Fast forward a year later and i had about 3k left, i was on online roullette with my uni housemates and they watched me get it up to 14K - went to bed feeling on top of the world the world was my oyster could travel wherever i wanted etc. spent the next few days furnishing my uni flat properly (mainly my bedroom) and living nicely - no gamling then i went back on a few nights later to try and win and I lost all my money plus my money on my overdraft without realising - I was numb.
Called my dad like a mess and told him what had happened blah blah he offered to buy my new car for my mum and give me her old one as part ex for 6K so i was lucky and out of water again, anyway that 6K didnt last long, ever since then I have been up and down either 3grand into my overdraft, done the payday loans etc.
Ive left uni and ive been working for 2 years now and I have finally been able to save my way out of debt 5K in total when you add up student overdrafts, credit card 500quide limit and loan for 1500, I actually have £2800 plus to my name and no debt and it feels great, In the past ive gambled it all and felt soul destroyed and this has not happend for a good year i lost my interest in gambling genuinely didnt wnt to put a bet on because i never thought i could win and was too scared to lose.
Anyway I was on a night out with my mate and he dragged me to the casino and I said only 100 pound so lost that withdrew more 300 quid later i got luck and doubled up so was in profit for the night, he wwent on to lose and i had to pay for taxi home etc but kepy my money firmly in my pocket and got it in the bank the next day.
since then i have been obsessed with playing roullette in the bookies and online, dreaming about it the whole 9 yards, I said to myself on a suday evening - ive got the whole night to myself and im just going to deposit a £100 quid and havea couple of spins if i win i win if i lose i lose no more after that. anyway 100 lost turns into 150 more deposited, which is lost and turns into 300, then 750 then 750 again and so on, i have 500 pound left to my name that i needed to go on holiday for spends with my girlfriend i had lost around 4.5 K and was facing being straight back in my 3K overdraft i was gutted but still in my frenzy anyway i deposited 250 of it and opened new account on other online casino and away i was on roullette put, all of it on 8 and the splits and numbers surrounding and felt sick and actually started crying into pillow when no more bets came as i new i would never win, anyway bam 8 hits £3100 back on the balance i said right im stopping but didnt and went back down to 2k then hit another black even (i always bet on black even numbers) and i was £5612 in the account all the money back i had lost from that session and £300 profit suddenly i was out of the frenzy and wthdrew it all the urge completely went to play on I had been saved by a higher power i suppose lol but was staring down the barrel of losing %k and being 3 k in overdraft just disgusting circumstances really whcih i worked my a**e off to get out of and back on track.
I am still waiting for it to process... pending with an option to reverse of course, money grabbing c***s, anyways i want to track my gambling on here and feel like if i start a dairy and document it I will be less liek;ly to go on, already getting urges to go bookies on my lunch break and just have a 30 quid spin for the pleasure/out of boredom, but i know it will escalate and ven if i lose 30 quid i will feel like im down for the day and wasted money and will need to win it back.
I cant afford to get back into the rut of being 3k in debt with no money and living like a porper, no way can i beg anyone for money either would destroy my parents and gf they thought it was just a phase and its over with now having asked for a penny for 2 years since started work,
sorry for the long story, i just wanted to get it all down and to be honest i enjoy reading the long storys myself, they make for interesting reads. I am aware the figures on here are big and i feel like the 19K win desensitised me to the value of money and its so daft that i am willing to stake £750 per spin on roullette the other night (frenzy night ) iwas talking abpout before... espoescially after barely gambling and only playing fobt on lunch for small stakes in the week after casino trip.
I cant control it I am already excluded from all online sits but theres always new ones, yesterday was my birthday i was so happy i didnt wake up in debt and a loser, i dont want to feel like that again as it feels rock bottom compared to the feeling u get when u win which soon subsides.
today is day 2 of not gambling, withdrawal still fu**** pending but i have no urge to touch it just stressing my a**e off because i know they gunna ask for documents and all that c**P and i just want the money back in bank so i can start again and get back on track from this ' I woudl say minor blip', but its a huge blip and worries me to the core that i can still gamble like tjis after being stung in the past...
Day 2 feeling good qlthough tempted going to bookies at luch for a couple spins but im going to get a sandwich and come back the office instead.
Hi Jlb123,
I've just read your rollercoaster story and taken the chance to draw breath!
And make I give you full credit for coming on here, making this post, while still in one of the 'crests' of the wave, rather than the usual, when it comes crashing down.
What you know, deep down, is that you need to break out of this deadly cycle you're in, and break it FAST.
You know you are a step from disaster.
The first thing you need to do is withdraw that cash. Sure, they will ask for this and that. But withdraw it, secure it. Do not reverse the transaction under any circumstances.
Once you've got the money safe and sound, seriously consider passing it to your girlfriend or another trust friend or family member for safekeeping. In other words, control if your finances must be passed to someone else. Does that make sense to you ... do you think you can trust yourself? I would say no, and - incidentally, I'm in the same boat. My wife controls my finances.
You might feel, after a few weeks, that you can get back control of your money again. You might be crying out for it! But that's the addiction talking. The answer is still NO.
Get banning software for your phone and other devices, although the gambling mind is sneaky and could gamble elsewhere. So ban yourself from on-line casinos too. And don't join new ones, despite the 'free £50' that you can never withdraw.
Keeping posting on here. Dive into the chat rooms. Consider counselling, free via Gamcare. Group therapy, via GA, might help.
My point is that action is required and fast if you truly want to stop. This compulsion and stress prematurely age you, affect relationships and plunge you into misery.
But deep down you realise this.
Repeat this, and mean it, every time you wake up: Just for today, I will not gamble. I want to live life, not misery.
And re-read this message, and others, on this forum. You can feel the misery and desperation on here... but also the hope, determination and, yes, success.
All the best my friend.
Mixer
Hi Mixer thanks for your reply, glad somebody has messaged back. I know Im really struggling as much as i know its going to go t**s up if i have another big gambling sessiononce i start with a small stake i cant stop... The withdrawal processed I anticipated them and uploaded all docs so has come out pretty fast, again i have 0 in bank account as a 20 quid spin turned into a 550 quid loss yesterday, money that i could have done with, waiting for this 5613 to come into my account to set me straight... i still feel like im going to gamble the £113 to round it up and stop after that but i know i may not and i know i will regret it thinking of self excluding from the bookies today and the 2 new online sites i had registered to during my frenzy.... do you still have a small gamble from time to time? Im goin to have a read of your story and check your profile out!
Cheers Mixer
I need to step out of comfort zon and exclude from that flaming bookies near my office as i cant help going at lunch and playing the machine its sad - check my watch and my hour lunch has gone so i just slam down my lunch whilst driving back to work like a man possessed if ive lost and road raging at anyone if i lost
just reading back your advice now and your so right Its putting things into perspective its good to hear it from somebody else as you can often become delusional and try and justify that one little gamble but your right about the exclusions etc they have worked in the past but its when i open new acc it goes downhill
Hi jib123,
I posted something a couple of days ago here - http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/guru-challenge?page=3#comment-1882157
It's post number 166 on this page, entitled: "Just a thought".
I know what you're going through, I know you're deep in it right now. But you've got to stop NOW.
It's a real shame I don't sit next to you in the office where you work (or whatever it is you do). I'd talk to you out of rushing out at lunchtime. So I'll have to do it here instead.
You might win, or you might lose this lunchtime. But I guarantee you this. If you win, you'll give it ALL back and then some more. Until you lose EVERYTHING.
Here's something to do this lunchtime and it will take you 20-30 minutes. Phone this number 0800 294 2060 and self-exclude yourself from every bookies with 2 miles of where you work. If you're serious, you'll do it. The ball is in your court. Have you got the balls? You can do this.
I had 60 quid cash to last me until the withdrawal hits my bank and i went to go pay it in the bank stopped in bookies on the way said 'only 20 and fed the machine the cash' - Im almost dreading this money coming into the bank as i genuinely feel for the first time ever i cant help myself - i have just self excludeded from the 2 online casinos i was member of that makes me excluded from just about every reputable decent online site - online gambling is the killer for me so glad i cant acces them however im finding im spending a bit more each time on fobt, im going to go and self exclude myself from the local bookies tomorow on my lunch break. I need to just get 2/3 days in a row under my belt usually im fine and can go long periods however something about this time i know i cant help it and i challenge myself not to do it but i end up straight in the bookies settling inn the the high chair and feeding the machine.
Im going to smash it now and not gamble for the rest of the year. I will officially keep this diary updated for as long as i can so here is to day 1 which will be tomorow ha laughable but its a start.
like you said mixer im still very much riding the wave and havnt crashed the surf board yet so to speak however i feel like its innevitable if i carry on espescially after the last session where i nearly went 5 down and 3k into debt but get extremely lucky and saved it all on the last £200 odd quid.
basically feel like a right cu ** having spaffed that money that was supposed to go in bank and last me, its embarrassing my dad would think im a real idiot - im gutted i couldnt help myself and gambled that 60 away - i need to get todays and yesterdays (600£) losses out my head they are ggettting me down and even though i have this money coming in im still chadsing them with small stakes its going to stop!
0800 294 2060 🙂
Hi jlb
I've just rejoined the site and am also trying to beat this demon..
Reading your posts I have been in your shoes many times, pending a withdrawal and swearing I wasn't going to blow it..just going to bet down to the round number etc. It never happens like that, its the compulsive cycle so it might be fast (one session/all losses) it might be slow (dragged over a few/losses and wins) but if you keep betting then it won't stop till you are at 0!
I think you know that. And the only way to keep hold of your money is not to bet, not even 1p of this money. If you are in the cycle it wouldn't matter how much you won, the gambling demon is not rational and always wants one more.
To be honest self exclusion and online/physical barriers (no access to the money) are the best way to prevent you losing this money again right now because you are in the middle of it. If you can find the strength to do this, do as mixer suggests and also get someone to look after your money for you.
If you don't have the strength to do this yet, then I will suggest something that has helped me before when I was desperate. Tell your gambling mind that if it wants one more bet then yes you will do this but not today. The money, the chance of winning, bookies, online sites will all be there tomorrow, next week or next month. So if you still want to gamble your money there is no reason this has to be now, right?
Once your mind has cleared a bit you can ask yourself how much of that money you are happy to waste because really, we should only bet with what we would be happy to actually throw down a drain.
Do whatever you can to give yourself a breathing space and ride the urges till your rational mind can be strong again.
Sending you strength x
4D
Hi jlb123!
First of all.. you need to get help, can you hand over finances to parents or your girlfriend? I know it seems embarrassing and you probably don't want to explain it to friends etc. but I wish I just put more blockers in place say 10 years ago and I don't think I'd be here now. I thought I could beat it when push came to shove and the reality is I couldn't.
You sound like a lot like a younger me, especially how you talk a lot about numbers when gambling.. it's a hard one to explain but in the grip of my addiction all I could think about are numbers all day long!
How much I won/lost in my last session.. if I have a balance of £687 in my bank, what I could do with the £87 to make it a round figure.. when you say stuff, "well as long as I have £600 in my account" but then we lose the £87 and you start getting angry with why you touched that £87!! And especially stuff like waiting for pending withdrawals to go through and gambling every available penny etc. I had some very odd behaviour that's for sure..
On my very last binge I lost £600. For about 12 hours, all I could think about was why did I do it. If only I had that £600 back. Then as soon as £50 hit my account I turned it into £750. I sat looking at the balance thinking, wow! I've got it all back. 10 minutes later it was all gone. CRAZY.
Also like me, you've had some big wins in your early days and I think these can be most damaging when you think all is lost and then you have what seems a miracle and win it all back! I remember when I had just turned 18/19, I took out a loan of £1500, it seemed like a huge amount for me then and I lost it all really quickly. I was devastated. I then somehow got another £5000 loan and almost lost ALL of that. Somehow through a comibation of horse racing and Blackjack I ended turning the last few hundred quid into something like £8000. I paid off both loans and I really think this cursed me! If I had just lost everything and had to work my a**e off to pay those loans back I think it would have taught me a lesson and would have made me never go back.
I remember reading diary posts like these thenand thinking it would never happen to me.. Almost 15 years later here I am and the penny has finally dropped! You have time on your side so get this sorted now by speaking to your loved ones.
You can do it!
Jlb123 - that's a great post from mrhonest. There's the reality check you need, my friend. You did a great thing coming on here whilst in the whirlwind, which you know you are. Time to take stock NOW. You had the presence of mind to come here to the Gamcare forums - that's rare and shows real character. You didn't wait until the worst moment which, sadly, is usually the case.
So make the most of this moment, the inner strength you have.
And ban yourself from the bookies. I may have mentioned the number!
And pass financial control to a trusted friend or loved one.
You won't regret it and you'll look back and think - I'm effing glad I visited Gamcare, that I had the foresight to do this.
You'll have realised by now that I speak straight. I don't guild the lily. So I'll leave it like this, jlb123.
Don't f*** it up mate. You're worth a lot more than this 😉
thanks mr honest and mixer -
mr honest - i agree and i must admit i am being slightly naive as i read postson here and think that will never be me but i very nearly was the other day it only takes a moment of sheer madness... gamble free day 2 now the hardest test will be the premiere league and championshp fixtures this saturday and i know if i go in the put an acca on i will end up feeding the roullette, - its crazy to think how many people go on these machines at the bookies they always take your money i think people are half addicted to the habit of sitting down and playing games with fancy visuals it doesnt feel like real money - i know i love the interaction with the machines and the noises etc... sounds bad but true and Ive even become that creepy guy who hovers around people and talks to them about how their session is going etc... going to try and get past this weekend and hopefully will be able to log day 5 on monday.
Kind Regards
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