Hello Diary,
Today 6th Feb 2023 is day 4 of my attempt to stop gambling. I have been gambling on slots (mostly online) for over 15 years, I have tried to stop many times with no success. Being totally honest with myself I never had the full desire to stop, the pilot light in my head has been ticking away just waiting for a spark to ignite my destructive habit. I am not going to dwell on the past any longer, I am now going forward and upwards in this fight against insanity. I have let myself and my family down so many times and for that I am truly both mortified and so sorry. Last night I joined the GAMCARE chat, what an inspirational community of people, struggling themselves but giving fabulous support and advice, I will join now every Sunday. I felt so inspired I called my GP today and was signposted to a service who provide a residential programme, I called them today and have an assessment booked with the intention of attending the programme. As well as the programme Adam in chat provided a list of actions that need to happen, for that I am grateful. I have since registered with GAMBAN, already registered with GAMSTOP (both for 5 years), handed over finances to my husband, absorbed myself into my craft hobby. I’ve had counselling, attended GA in the past but whilst they have worked temporarily the desire to gamble never went away. Right now I hate the thought of even looking at gambling sites, the destruction it has caused me by far supersede’s any joy or exhilaration of winning (I never won because it always went back).
Wish me luck, as I said in chat last night I have always loved to travel but that stopped because of my gambling, I am so looking forward to this journey of success. It has to be the best journey I have ever taken.
Daffodil
Today is day 6, not gambled because I have no money anyway but I have other things in place to keep me free from the demon.
Feeling rather apprehensive today as my application for the residential programme has been approved and I am due to start Monday next week. It’s all happened very fast but I am in that extremely strong desire zone to follow it through and succeed. Just wish I had done this earlier but on reflection when my gambling started there wasn’t much in place to help, there are definitely now more support networks and tools (a lot provided by Gamcare) to help overcome this awful addiction.
Will keep checking in but have to say I am more positive now than I have ever been.
@tuc5nbpql4 Well done, keep going. Yes there will be moments that are hard but the result will be worth it at the end of the day.
Day 10 today, feeling so positive and quite excited about my recovery. Tomorrow I am attending my first ever residential course to help my journey, I am apprehensive but feel all steps I am taking now are going in the right direction, it is a hard journey but I am so fortunate to be getting massive encouragement and support from my family. I am sad I missed the online chat tonight but I had a family emergency and just arrived home from AED, everything turned out fine so I can go away tomorrow without worrying and totally focus on my therapy program. Hope everyone is staying strong and positive. Will check in next weekend as I’m not allowed access to any device this week. Staying onwards and upwards.
Day 10 today, feeling so positive and quite excited about my recovery. Tomorrow I am attending my first ever residential course to help my journey, I am apprehensive but feel all steps I am taking now are going in the right direction, it is a hard journey but I am so fortunate to be getting massive encouragement and support from my family. I am sad I missed the online chat tonight but I had a family emergency and just arrived home from AED, everything turned out fine so I can go away tomorrow without worrying and totally focus on my therapy program. Hope everyone is staying strong and positive. Will check in next weekend as I’m not allowed access to any device this week. Staying onwards and upwards.
Day 18 today..
Only 12 more days till my first target. I have had the most positive week ever, I attended my residential course and thoroughly enjoyed it, it was hard work and emotional but I have come away with an action plan to change my whole routine, I have a better understanding of my triggers and how to manage them and I have a better understanding of the mind of a gambler and what techniques we can use to change our thought processes. I have practiced mindfulness on the course and each day I have been home.
I will continue with my actions, biggest challenge will be pay day as usual but all barriers are in place so I can’t gamble. This is the start to a better, healthier and more peaceful life.
Day 21 today, still feeling positive and excited to reach my first 30 days of being gamble free. Last few days have been a bit hard with family relationships, the old me would have gone straight to gambling to escape, the new me now practices SOBER and is able to think and behave more rationally. Despite blocks being in place i.e. GAMBAN, GAMSTOP, I think the old me would have been devious enough to find a way to gamble, instead I now practice mindfulness, I have a brand new routine which has helped my old irregular sleep pattern, I stick to my promise of all devices turned off 2 hours before bed and I am actually up in the mornings now and enjoying seeing the morning sun. I know there is a long way to go and I am in the very early stages of my recovery but something feels very different this time, I know it’s the right time to stop the ridiculous and destructive behaviour that has resulted in so much wasted time, energy, financial distress and pressure on family and friend’s relationships.
9 days to go till my first target of 30 days and within that 9 days will be my biggest challenge of getting past pay day.
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