Never too late to make a fresh start

3 days in and no massive urges to gamble although I have now got some money.

Coral have given me the £100 cash back as expected. Just going to withdraw it instead of doing the deposit match, whilst I know it's pretty much guaranteed profit it's the gambling itself which I don't need.

Had money in my account all yesterday and usually even if there is £5 in my account I'd punt it.

Feel much calmer today, slept really well, with the help of a sleeping tablet though.

Worked out how much I can afford to pay each month when I confess my debts to my mum who I am pinning a lot on helping me out. Not worked out a plan B. Hoping to get through Xmas and then confess in January, if/when I have a month without gambling behind me that should help both me and her have some faith I can beat it.

Got teeth troubles at the moment with a tooth and filling crumbling away, think it's going to need a crown which I really don't financially need right now. There is no pain at the moment but in my experience best to get sorted as soon as possible

3 days in and no massive urges to gamble although I have now got some money.

Coral have given me the £100 cash back as expected. Just going to withdraw it instead of doing the deposit match, whilst I know it's pretty much guaranteed profit it's the gambling itself which I don't need.

Had money in my account all yesterday and usually even if there is £5 in my account I'd punt it.

Feel much calmer today, slept really well, with the help of a sleeping tablet though.

Worked out how much I can afford to pay each month when I confess my debts to my mum who I am pinning a lot on helping me out. Not worked out a plan B. Hoping to get through Xmas and then confess in January, if/when I have a month without gambling behind me that should help both me and her have some faith I can beat it.

Got teeth troubles at the moment with a tooth and filling crumbling away, think it's going to need a crown which I really don't financially need right now. There is no pain at the moment but in my experience best to get sorted as soon as possible

Just collected my £100 from Coral in the shop, actually had £100.55 in but wouldn't let me collect the 55p 🙁

I had no urge to bet in the shop, although I did have my work mate with me.

Came back and went on live chat to try and blag some free money but they didn't so went ahead with self-exclusion. My heart was actually beating like mad, think the realism that they had won and I'd never get the money back from them! Oh well, they'll not get any from me either.

There are 100's of casinos I could join online though, anyone know of a quick way of self excluding from a load in one hit? Coral said I had to give them a username to self exclude so I started think about if I wanted to exclude from foxybingo as an example, I don't have a username, I want to self-exclude before it gets that far!

Emailed a ton of betting sites, many I wasn't a member of to self-exclude. Several have emailed back asking for me to confirm which I'm not too happy. Most of them have just gone ahead with the self-exclusion which I am grateful for. Seems they give you a standard 6 months but I'm pushing for the longest. Not sure who would benefit from a 6 months break only to return...

Anyway, stress levels high today, trying to remember some techniques I learnt on a stress course last year. Stressing about things I know I cannot change, anxious people always find a way to think the worst! Very good at looking into the future and seeing misery!

First GA meeting tonight in probably 12 years at least. Someways I'm looking forward to it, other ways not.

I've felt determined before to kick this habit but feels different this time, either I'm kidding myself or I have a real belief I won't gamble again! It's not easy, thought about gambling alot but also felt good walking past the bookies and having money in my pocket. One day at a time still..

Morning mate,

Well done for taking your £100 without giving in to any temptations there. I'm not aware of any ways to mass self-exclude from all of the gambling sites, in the past when I've relapsed I've always managed to find ones that I haven't used before. There are pieces of software (I think some might be called gamblock or K-9) that can block access to gambling websites. However, I've not used them myself so I'm not sure how effective they are.

Stressing about stuff you can't change...I'm pretty sure that's half my life right there!

Keep making the right decisions, prove to yourself that this is serious and that you aren't kidding!

Ryan

Cheers Ryan.

I have K9 installed, but in the technological age where you can bet on tablet and mobile. Not to mention my work laptop it makes the task of fully blocking yourself impossible but will do all I can!

Decided to tell my wife tonight everything. Every little debt and the no so little one. The times I've lied about money, how I've borrowed from Peter to pay Paul etc

I'm bricking it but it's got to come out eventually. My mum will be the next hurdle but at least I'll (hopefully) have someone to support me through it.

Hey tears of a clown thanks for popping by my diary.

Good luck tonight telling the wife it can only feel better to have it out in the open although we all now how hard a conversation that is to have.

Thanks for the support

Hope everything goes ok , don't envy you but right decision.

Well last night was difficult.

To say I was petrified before to come clean about ALL my lies and debt would be an understatement. As the lies came out so did a lot of emotional, mainly guilt and embarrassment of who I am/have been.

Feel better now and know I have the support of my sidekick, she is worried / angry / dissappointed but we have to both approach it positively. We know it's not the end of the world but the road to recovery has only just started. I need to clear my debt which means either our families or perhaps selling our house and moving back with our parents or moving abroad as she could get a good job being a teacher.

Meanwhile, I'm sat on the train watching Ronnie O'Sullivan complete a maximum and I'll getting tearful on the train! It was a thing of beauty to me by a man who has had his own demons.

I'm still in pieces emotionally but trying to stay pragmatic and take one day at a time. Tomorrow will be 7 days without gambling. Kind of a milestone.

Next major moment in my diary is telling my mum, this will probably determine which direction my life takes over the next couple of years. Scared as hell but at least I have someone to support me through it.

We totally up our other debts etc last night and we already pay out close to £1k a month to credit cards and loans. Not to mention mortgage and car lease.

A couple of these end in the next 18 months which will make life easier if I don't gamble. They are all in her name and it's important to me I don't ruin her credit. The banks have lent her way more than they should have on her own but we really needed it at the time due to gambling.

Here's to not gambling and that light at the end of the tunnel getting bigger.

Hey tears of a clown,

A great big well done to you for telling your OH , it is a very hard thing to do. And I am sending you more strength on telling your Mum, she probably knows something is very wrong already,

Stay strong

Best wishes,

Suzannexx

Thanks Suzanne!

Also I didn't go GA last night, was a good opportunity to go as so much on next week I'm going to struggle. I have client Xmas parties which I'd love to swerve but can't really!

Hopefully getting some of my therapy from here. Also made an appointment to see my GP next Wednesday as pushing for some support from the NHS, got my income tax summary and it showed how much I've put into the NHS and I'm d**n sure I've not had my monies worth 🙂

Well done toac

I went through a similar situation and it make such a difference to have the support of our loved ones (even if we don't always deserve it).

It was'nt easy believe me ,eight years to clear the debt and alot of heartache and here I am back on another recovery mission .

Please Please don't make the same mistakes as me, have a life and repay the trust shown by the people who care for you.

Dino

Thanks Dino.

Truth be known I've been gambling almost constantly for 16 years give or take and beyond my imagination at the moment to visualise a life without it. However with the support on here coupled with whatever therapy I can get from GA, NHS etc I'm remaining positive and taking one day at a time.

Cheers!

Thanks Emily, it does help knowing that others have the same urges and problems. The bookies know it too and play on it!

Just thinking back to this time last week, I had already blown about £1.5k and was due to go out with my mates. Saved £200 so I could go out because I always try not to let my mates down. Drank myself to oblivion, woke up in a bad way and gambled the last £40 in my account.

At this point last week I knew I'd gone a step too far but was in self destruct mode, I had been gambling in work and my eyes were all teary at my desk. In fact they've been teary since.

Today I'm skint but happier in many ways. I've been more productive at work, not given any money to any bookmakers, been able to hold a conversation and not lied to my wife.

Gym tonight then a Playstation bonanza as my wife is out for dinner. Cash back