New beginnings!

Lucy. I hope your heads hurting lol!!!!!!

So glad to read your making sense of your emotions my dear friend, this addiction is one that destructs all it can of those, your quote about the eyes is so true all my pictures look like I am upon crimewatch lol not today.

Hope you enjoy the sun and just for today make that choice no bet today, oh thanx for making our forum shine a bit brighter!!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hey Smiling sore headed one,

I hope you had a nice night out. Really loved your last post there was a renewed vigour and fight in you. Smiling Lucy, Fighting Lucy that is the lady we all came to know and she seems like she is back stronger than ever. That gambling addiction thing better watch out.

Have a brilliant weekend and keep smiling

Flagg

Yo,

Thinking bout the photos . I can remember when I was at it , looking in the mirror everyday and not recognising the person I was staring at . Hated looking in mirrors , bit like photos gateway to the soul.

But know I look in a mirror like you with your photo and not despise the person looking back at me .

I commend your ability to bounce back with renewed vigor. It says so much about you , and the determination you have , to move forward in this recovery , by climbing over the obstacles.

I have leant from the good people on this site that positivity most definitely fuels our recovery journey ., your last post has it in bucketfuls .

You go girl ...........

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Blimey mate.. I actually struggled to find your diary! The new title keeps throwing me!! lol

Just wanted to say what a great last post from you! You really have picked yourself up from your blip last week. You have this amazing strength and will Lucy and are a real example to all on this site of how to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on the fight!

People can learn a lot from you.. even when you're down you refuse to be beaten.

I have the utmost respect for you mate!

Have a good weekend buddy xxxxxxxxx

Hi Lucy,

Just imagime a womble....putting foot down and screeching...............Ya not going onto page 3!

Can you imagine the men on here....o*g!

Anyways hun just wombling by and checking on my friend!

Hope all good with Lucys world!

Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi lucy

carl

Hi Lucy! Just checking in... and hoping that all is well with you my friend. joanxxx

Morning Lucy,

Just popping in to say I hope all is good in Lucy's world today, stay strong my friend, wish you nothing but the best in life.

Have a great day 🙂

Cameron

Good Morning

This addiction is an absolute b*****d!

I gambled again on wednesday,all that i had and more, back to square 1 and today is payday!

In nearly 6 months i honestly believed that i had this, i was strong and i was happy most of the time, even after last week i dusted myself off and felt good again but no it was eating away again and then for no reason whatsoever i did it again.

These last 5 weeks have been bad emotionally trying to come to terms with past events and i've felt really alone even with friends around.

I have not lived on my own for 21 years and am finding it really hard, most of my friends are still married or in long term relationships and now i am on my own it's taking some time to get used too. I'm comfortable in my own company and have been going out at times but having these 6 weeks off with little money has been hard.

My uncle wanted me to go back up to Cumbria for the week and i said money was tight so would be up in October, then a day later i blow a hell of a lot more than that! Work that one out!

I'm not writing this for the feel sorry for Lucy factor because noone should feel bad for me, i'm writing this because i need my diary even though a few things going on here upset me.

Knowing your a cg is one of the most difficult things to come to term with, i feel like i am weak that i have let an addiction take over me.

My profession sees me dealing with all types of behaviour, my studies have been around all forms including addictions and i can't even deal with my own it is very hard to understand. How Can i offer advice knowing i'm an addict myself, is it wrong? Am i just fooling myself again?

I'm calm today, i'm not crying or wallowing in self pity even though it might sound like it, i'm angry that i let this beat me again, on wednesday i felt that because i had blown it last week then f*** it what does it matter, it was back in my blood even though i got no enjoyment whatsoever from it!

Why do i beat myself up with this gambling lark, why do i feel i'm not worthy to get on with my life?

Deep down i know i can do this, i know i can get all i want from life, i know i'm a good person and have so much more to give i just need to go back to 'believing' again!

The tattoo i had done a few months back with the word 'Believe' does make sense and i look at it now as i type and feel that i need to go back to how i felt then because i can do this!

Today i have no complusion to gamble , i hate it more and more but need to learn to channel that anger into a positive direction not the negatives i have felt over the last few weeks.

One more week off then back to work, i need this and i think i will look at working in some of the longer holidays too!

I did'nt set targets to aim for but read so much on here that people set goals and it really seems to help, last christmas was an awful time for me in terms of gambling and the marriage so i am going to set this christmas as my goal, i'm not counting days but my first long term goal is to have a great christmas with no worries about gambling!

I know i'm rambling but i need to try and come to terms with what i've done again.

Today is my fresh start , all the people that matter to me know now what i've done over the last week or so, i faced up to their disappointment and now want to make them proud of me, i want to be proud that yes i f***** up again, i let myself down again but that i will get back up and show that i am strong, that i can get back to where i was before.

Last week i said that but slipped again , this time it's got even more meaning for me and i will prove to myself and others that i am the person i so want to be, whatever that is!

I will try to post more often again , i did not want to at all and can't post to others atm , what help would that be when people are doing well and i have not been but i'm sure in a few days i will get back to people to say thanks for the support.

Keep Strong all, so many of you are doing so well

Lucy xxx

Yo,

So true Hun, this addiction is such a bar stared to ***.

But if we never give up trying , we stand a chance of keeping it in remission for the majority of the time and if things really work out forever .

I did want to comment on your comment about you advising people on addiction , people with or have had an addiction have a greater empathy for those battling away . Normal people just can not get there head round it's harming you so why dont you stop. So please try not think you are not worth to give advice cause honestly Hun you are ...

All we can do at the end of the day , is our best .

Sending you a big fat cuddle .

Shiny xxxxxx

Lucy.

I cant even begin to comprehend how difficult recovery must be alone, each day I thank my lucky stars that I have what I have and am not ashamed to talk about it, recovery takes many forms and nobody can judge, something you in your time upon gamcare have never done, you offer nothing but unconditional support to all the folk you post upon, and I feel myself you have often to me personally contributed so much of your own courage and strength to my own recovery thank I can just for today thank you for it from the depths of my heart.

Lucy your recovery is yours to do and deal with it to an end that suits you, please from me to you keep doing that which suits you and I for one of no doubt many will be here to offer my own support to your recovery unconditionally,if you can just harness the commitment you have to beating this addiction which devistates so much so quickly I know it will serve you well.

I wish you my very best in your quest Lucy and hope you stay close to your diary a tool which helped you achieve what you have so far, which from were I am standing is a huge amount, dont please belittle it, be proud and just for today make a choice for Lucy that is ultimately the answer to what is best for you.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Lucy,

I know that you are feeling raw right now so, will keep it short and sweet. You were the first person to reach out to me when I was at my lowest. I saw a little point of light in the darkness and that was you my friend. Just keep quitting. Relapse happens. Don't forget, I am an alcoholic as well as CG. Yes, a real hot mess my friend. One day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time. ((((((((((((Lucy)))))))))))))) -joan

Ramble away, we are all here to listen!

"Deep down i know i can do this"

Yes you CAN! You came back and you were very honest. The after effects of what happened on Wendesday will still be raw but just remember all of your achievements before then.

You went a very long time without gambling. Just think how you would have felt right now had you gambled during those 6 months.

Time is a great healer and in time, you will feel loads better.

Keep making the right choices, eh?

NT

Hey Lucy, Please don't beat yourself anymore, I too am reeling from the godawful mess that I have made of things recently, I too don't share my thoughts and feelings with anyone other than my friends on here, coz to me, you all are the only ones who understand what its like.

My OH knows what I do but its a case of when Im winning the garden is rosy, theres plenty money to go round, but when I lose its a whole different story. I get the "if it wasn't for you" cr**, and I felt pressurised all the time when I was playing the slots, I was sick with worry and even an element of fear about what I was going to say when I got home and told that I had lost the lot.

I went back right after my fall out on here, and I now know that I am NEVER gonna be the winner, that all I did was ruin myself again, like I have done so so many times over the years.

Tuesday past was my ruination, I had got myself so deep and down that I never thought I would be able to draw breath again, I wanted to die.

But here I am, Ive made it to Friday and Im still breathing, Im still raw emotionally, Ive not got a pot to *** in, but Im slowly, ever so slowly creeping back to life.

I will never forget your support and encouraging posts that helped me last time, I will always remember you mentioning my name and wondering how I was doing after I left, your kindness moved me to tears, I thought no one cared, but YOU did and you DO Lucy.

If ever I wished that I had a crystal ball, that time is now. Coz I know that you will beat this, I know that you have the inner strength and might to beat this poison, I just wish I could show you.

Believe in yourself Lucy, I do, Ive never doubted your resolve and determination.

You have a huge heart, you're one of lifes greats.

With you all the way my friend

Take care

Cameron

Lucy.......My friend....Am not going to say a lot today....except....I BELIEVE....in you!

Hugs Sue xxxxxxxxxxxxx