New beginnings

Hello Ruby,

Well done on starting a recovery diary. You can use this diary as a place to collect your thoughts, and reflect on your feelings as you take steps forward towards recovery. It can also be a place to share peer support with others who have had similar struggles. Some people find keeping a diary here can help them maintain some engagement with the support that is available here for their recovery, at the same time each individual can choose how much and how often to engage with the forum, according to their needs and preferences.

Well done on all your steps so far over the last week.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Hello Ruby . Welcome to the diaries . All kinds of people here , individuals from all walks of life who share a common problem , we are all compulsive gamblers .

87 days ago I had virtually given up hope , I felt totally powerless against my addiction to gambling . Since than my whole mindset has turned around . I have been having counselling sessions arranged through GamCare and also receiving advice and support from the other diaries , something clicked earlier on in my recovery , I just knew this was a golden opportunity which I couldn't afford to pass up . I have also started going to gamblers anonymous meetings again after a long break which is also a great help .

I still get urges to gamble but they don't frighten me anymore , I feel so much stronger and better equipped to beat the addiction .

Wishing you every success in your recovery ..... stephen

Thank you abstainer for your comments x
I feel alot more positive this week. I never want to go bck to how I felt last week.
The support of family and friends, reading other diaries and chatting to the online support as helped me so much.
I've arranged weekly counselling sessions via the phone which will hopefully start soon.
Today I sorted out a repayment plan for my debts.

11 days gambling free today. Never going bck x

14 days gf today.

Some days are better than others.
Today is a bad day.
Hubby's car on hp goes bck today as we sort through paperwork to go bankrupt.

The anxiety and guilt feels overwhelming today

19 days gf
Feeling more positive and stronger each day.

Hi rubybaby

One day at a time, things will get better. You might not feel it, but an almost invisible slow-motion 'wave' will slowly envelop you, a wave of better things to come. The key to it all, the one thing, is to, day-by-day, tell yourself: "You know what? Today I am gong to be gambling-free and live a better day for me and my loved ones."

We are all with you here. Every day of no gambling is like another day of sunshine!

All the best, Mixer

Well done on 19 days Ruby, its a great start and you sound so positive. I look forward to hearing more of your story in the coming days, weeks and months. Top work, keep it up!

Thank you mixer and bornagain for your kind comments x

21 days gf today 🙂

Bankruptcy as been approved, dreaded the phone call from the official reciever but husband spoke to them yesterday and they were really nice.

Returned to work yesterday, again dreading my back to work interview but they were great and very supportive.

And to finish of my day I had an email informing me I was successful in a recent job interview and will be signing new contract next week.

I can't believe how much things have changed in the past 3 weeks. I wish I had had the strength to do this along time ago but better late than never I guess.

I still have anxiety and a knot of guilt in my tummy that doesn't seem to go away but when it gets overwhelming I say to myself 'I am healing' (daft I know but it works for me!). I feel sick when I think about gambling and I hope that feeling will never go away.

Congratulations on hitting your 3 weeks!

We all know, of course, that being GF is a journey of a lifetime, but we don't need to look at it that way: one day at a time will do. This way is manageable, and realistic.

You have taken stock and have the good news in respect of your job interview - double congratulations!

Today, you will not gamble, and every day you don't you are building up resistance to when you start to have money again, as you know you will. We have a weekend ahead, a lovely sunny weekend I think (the weather's all over the place this month!).

So lets enjoy it, enjoy tomorrow, gambling-free. Another today that starts better than average, because we've already brushed aside the route that leads to misery.

You've drawn a line in the sand, Rubybaby and your 21 days shows real commitment.

I'm just a newbie on Day 7 but always want to be 14 days behind you. With you all the way!

All the best, Mixer

28 days gf

Thanks mixer I enjoy reading your posts they are always so positive

Well payday as come and gone, no urges as such more pangs of anxiety.

Kept myself busy with family, friends and work. No work til tues feel abit anxious about the long weekend but I know I will be fine.

Hope everyone as a fab gf bank holiday xxxx

30 days gf today

Woke up to the sunshine, no pangs of anxiety this morning.

Feeling really positive and ready to face the day.

Have a fab gf day all xx

Congratulations Ruby on 30 Days GF , that first month is a really challenging time . Wishing you every happiness as you rediscover your life ...stephen

May I echo Abstainer's sentiments - congratulations Ruby, 30 days - that's a month in anyone's language!!!!

You've navigated a lot of hurdles during this time; this will stengthen you in the days, weeks and months to come.

But, for today, another glorious Gambling Free day, you're deservedly living life, not misery!

41 days gf

I'm feeling stronger every day that passes. I've changed my entire daily routine and keeping busy with family and work.

Had a family meeting with hubby and daughters this week to let them know im ok. They worry alot about me. The hardest thing is how much I've worried and upset them. My one daughter is now in counselling to help her deal with all the stress I've put on them. It breaks my heart to see my daughters upset knowing it's because of me. My youngest said it's the worst summer/year ever and she can't wait for next year.

They are all so supportive especially my husband, I watch him sometimes and I know he struggles with everything that's gone on but he's been amazing.

It's going to take along time for my family to heal but I know one day at a time we will get there.

I do struggle with the guilt of what I have done to them all. I gambled for years and no one knew. I've lied to my husband to cover my spending and hidden bank statements for years. I hate the person I was and I hate the hurt I've caused.

Im doing my best to look forward and somehow make it up to my family. If I could take all the pain and worry away I would. I love them all so much they are my world.