New beginnings

So happy to say 50 days gf today

I wake up each day so much more positive now. No feelings of dread or worry from where I'd lost money the night before. No pangs of sickness worrying about the latest bank statement coming .no feelings of guilt thinking about what I could of spent the money on. No feelings of wanting to stay in bed and hide from everything.

It took along time but now I can honestly say a massive weight as gone from my shoulders.

I will not return to those days, I will not let my family down. I will not let myself down.

Life is still tough but 100% better gambling free.

Congratulations Ruby. Fifty days since you stopped gambling. It's obviously been a terrible time for you and your family, it must have been very hard to open up your heart to them and spill it all out. Wishing you well....stephen

63 days gf today

Thank you Stephen, I am very lucky to have such a supportive family.

New job is going really well. First payday today. Me and my husband no longer have a joint account. I have the bank card for mine. I have worked out bill money, shopping etc, it's abit strange trying to work out our budget separately but know that's the way it as to be. I have no urges to gamble but I'm on my guard I know it only takes a split second for everything to unravel.

This time of the day was always worst for me. Husband in work, kids in work and school. Me on my own, money in the bank and laptop near by. I would start with "a tenner won't hurt' then end up gambling more and more. Then spend the rest of the day feeling sick, guilty. Feeling really low. Hating myself.

Today I am sat here feeling so much better about myself, no horrible feelings. I'm looking forward to my day. Even doing the housework!!!

77 days gf

95 days gf.

Got a good pay this month. First urges I've had to gamble in a long time caught me by surprise. Like a little voice telling me £10 won't hurt you can afford it, won't even notice it. Almost like a reward.

I have had a stressful few weeks with family and work and feel really worn down and drained.
But there is no way I'm going back to those days.

I am so much stronger now.

Looking forward to my 100 day milestone

Hi ruby...I've just had a quick catch up you're diary.....and many of your posts could have been mine....
Anyway....I'm so thrilled you're doing so well...you're already saying you are feeling better now that it's out in the open.....and that you're facing it as a family...
I loved your comment about enjoying the housework. ..it was exactly the same for me...we loose all focus on normal life when being suffocated by our addiction. ...now....I'm happy with my normal life...I'm on top of things and in control of my life...
Take one day at a time love....and enjoy being you....the person who makes the choices...
X

108 days gf 🙂

Hi loxxie x thank you for your post x hope all is well with you x

Well I did reward myself but with a new hair cut and outfit.
Had a chat with my hubby how I was feeling he admitted he was worried for me this pay day too.

But I'm not going to let my family down or myself. That little voice urging me to gamble got firmly silenced!!

Just over a week away from an even bigger payday (lots of overtime ) not much monies left in bank at moment but not because of gambling. All bills up to date, Christmas shopping is full steam ahead and supporting a new haircut! Not an ounce of guilt or shame as I look at my bank statements.

For a Monday morning life feels good 🙂

Great post love...
I'm thrilled you treated yourself ..it's a posative step...we spend so long hating ourselfs when chained to addiction. ...so I think starting to take care of ourselfs is a massive step forward....
When I look back now...I just went through the motions with myself..my home..my pub...now...I make sooo much more effort with it all. ...and love it....I reckon it's cose I like myself again now....because I can see the rewards from not playing online slots...and it just keeps getting better love...even the daily blips that are sent to try us...are manageable now I'm looking at my life through my eyes ...not those thick rim addictiction specs !
Fantastic that hubby is so with you on this journey love.....
Keep plodding on ....xx

129 days gf

Been really busy the past couple of weeks, lots of overtime in work and sorting everything out for Christmas.

Have struggled more in the past couple of weeks than I have in a long while, knowing I have surplus monies in the bank.

The urges to gamble make me feel anxious and sometimes sick. Thankfully they don't last long and I'm able to quickly distract myself. Sometimes it's a daily battle.

I read through my diary and everyones comments and support it really helps.

Some days I get down thinking am I going to be like this every day but I remind myself how far I've come and how much worse life would be if I was still gambling