New diary

Hi Graham

Thanks for your post mate, it's a shame i dont live down them sides anymore. When we were in chat a few days back and you mentioned Looe that bought back some memories for me. The arcade by the bridge just as you go into looe was i guess where my gambling started. Why im saying this i dont know........ you know the arcade i mean? wander if its still there. 2p nudger then on to the bar x's...£4 token jackpot! sorry im dribbling away..

take care mate, ands

I sure do know it. It had a few bob of mine. Worse was the place on the other side of the quay. Distant memory and hoping to keep it that way.

Take care m8.

Hugs for you,

Lovely man! just felt like sending some love your way, for once Ive not got much to say 🙂

f x

Thanks for that freda. That was nice. Well another day working from home, very little to do. The downturn is doing my head in, I like to be busy. This would be a definate trigger to gamble years ago but the thought doesn`t enter my head thank the Lord.

Since this no smoking my appetite has increased so going to have to watch that as I could do with shedding some pounds right now.

Will see you guys in the chat room.

Thanks for that freda. That was nice. Well another day working from home, very little to do. The downturn is doing my head in, I like to be busy. This would be a definate trigger to gamble years ago but the thought doesn`t enter my head thank the Lord.

Since this no smoking my appetite has increased so going to have to watch that as I could do with shedding some pounds right now.

Will see you guys in the chat room.

Graham my darling thanks for the link about the hypnotherapy but my betfilter blocks that site .. can't believe it .. suppose because it talks about gambling. Anyway can you shed any light on what it says, is it worth a go or not?

Thanks for your help mate

Dear oh dear! Late last night I turned on the TV and low and behold, blinking interactive roulette!!!! Is there no escape from all this.

Most who know me will understand that I am fairly liberal regarding gambling. I would be the first to holler if all the pubs closed down. Having said that, I strongly believe that there will have to limits to all this.

With conventional gambling you had to put yourself out a bit to hit the casino, arcade or bookies. The very act of that requires effort. I am getting more and more concerned by what seems to me, unfettered gambling sites that are springing up via the net, TV and mobile phones. Rant over.

Hi Graham,

Thanks for thinking of me. I hope business picks up soon for you....you could always come help me with my floristry!

Mmmmm....chat last night. Perhaps I was being a littly touchy and for the record it was NOT you. I have nothing but praise for you G.....you have done so incredibly well and the thing i like most about you is that you remain caring and understanding to those still going through hell. Truely admirable. Thing is, i find some folk who have "kicked" the habit rather flippant and sanctimonious.....I've never been one for keeping my gob shut and I never hold back....but believe me it was nothing to do with you....you are lovely and if you don't mind me saying so.

Take great care G.................jas xx

Hi Graham,

I just re-read your post on DTs diary, and then mine. Thing is, I dont see much point in telling people what they want to hear if its not what I really think.

Of course, anytime someone gives their perspective on a diary it has to be respectful and constructive - but I feel you can still do this and be totally honest.

Did you feel that you werent giving your honest opinion for fear of causing offence? I think the part you were referring to was when you said 'im sure you can set a gambling budget and stick to it' I dont think you really believe that - am I right?

Anyway - please always be honest and open on my diary. I like considering things from different perspectives. Your perspective is always welcome, even if its not what I want to hear. Those are the ones we really need to consider - the ones that push a button! they are making us react for a reason!

Anyway, hope you are feeling better soon. Its awful when you are having a 'low' patch. Sorry if I seemed argumentative when you were talking about confronting rudeness and bullying. I still tell people where to stick it too, its just Im starting to think theres something unhealthy about needing to do that. If I were truly confident in myself, wouldnt I be able to ignore it without getting upset?

I read a great self help book about how nobodys opinions can hurt you unless you let it hurt you. It gave a great example of how you would react if you came across a delusional patient in a psychiatric hospital. They tell you that you are disgusting and evil and you should be killed.... These are horrible things to say about someone - but you wouldnt let their opinion upset you in that context. We would know that it wasnt true, and brush it off instantly. Why cant we do the same with what the loudmouth in the pub says to us?

Sorry if that doesnt make sense, cant always put into words what I mean! anyways, take care dude!

f x

Hi Graham,

we are having a right old chin wag tonight arent we? posting t*t for tat, lol.

I am really grateful for your presence on this forum. I always find what you say helpful. I wonder why you sometimes think you should 'back off' from this site? Do you think your input is unwelcome with people? or that you are not liked?

When I read your last post, I instantly wanted to know more about why you feel that way. If you think the site is in some way bad for you, or bad for your recovery then I guess you should - but I for one would miss you.

Anyway hope to chat again soon ol chum 🙂

f x

Hi Graham

Thanks as always for posting on my diary, how did you deal with your depression?? sorry to ask just curious, anyway hope your ok and thanks again!

take care mate, ands

Morning Old Timer.

Thanks for your post on Ands' diary re depression. I think you are right, and I'd never thought of it that way until today. I was hopeless about expressing emotions in the past, just used to get drunk and gamble.

Thanks for the wise words.

DT.

Hi Graham

Thanks for the post mate, actualy found it helpful, i just seem to get very confused, my moods up down like a yo yo. My counselling is kinda going well, the 45 minute slot seems to go realy quickly. Just want to feel normal whatever that is, its now over 5 weeks since my one and only slip and gambling now just does not have the same feel! My addiction is very different to the run of the mill gambler. mine was purely for comfort and escape my sad little life... I never use to chase my losses cos i was stuck in a circle of realy bad behaviour.......... I would play machines even if they paid out heaps, when i won if i did, i would just shove it all back in....I sound nuts i know, sorry for such dribble on your diary, fruit machines ay, they where my friends, family and my comfort...Now i hate them, they nearly cost me everything! Graham i miss them tho, like i miss my family even tho they treated me like s**t! Crying again, so sorry for this post...........take care mate and thanks ands

Posted in the wrong place.

Hi Graham

Thank you for the posts today mate, the last post of yours being honest, hit nerves and made me have a little sob.. Not a bad thing, i can tell that you have been through so much heartache yourself, i thankyou for sharing with me on my diary, i also thankyou for your genuine caring posts... You definitely have some unique and informative advice, you have my RESPECT and i tell you what if i ever go back down them sides i would tell you, and hopefully have a beer down the barbican!

Beaten myself is what i have been doing for so very long, i know im a good dad....I love my boys with all my heart, they are my life. My counselling at the moment is bringing up so much pain at the moment, but i starting to find out who i realy am, the gambling took away my personality and my heart...Like most i realy, realy wished i never gambled for such a very long time! I however will never regret stealing of my family, i was never realy a part of my family, i hate them but i miss them....

You are right about having no support with my sons its always been that way, im 35 but feel more like 65... its hard but the most rewarding experience in life, money can not buy the love i have for my sons!

I owe a lot of gratitude to gamcare and all those who have given me the support/advice and kindness including YOU. Its kinda very lonely world, my family didnt give a s**t and i was in a dead end marriage for nearly 10 years, this forum is literally my crutch, how sad is that!!!!! As i have no doubt, you have probably felt so much pain and it hurts, god it hurts.....doesn't it???

So sorry for this post please say if you want it deleting... take care Graham and thank you. andrew