New leaf turned over

hi barmy

i agree with you, there is no point in gambling,just wish i could convinve myself.

yes we get the good days and walk out of the casino winning but they are far outnumbered by the bad ones,

anyway i am back on day one again (well tommorrow )

anyway just wanted to wish you all the luck with this

mark

Pay day is looming. The last two Months pay day has been a nightmare. This time round, blocking access to sites is the only answer for me. I have two many debts to waste any money. But on a positive note there is a blue sky in my part of the country and I'm off work for another week - so a long long walk in the the countryside is in order. that certainly keeps away the gambling thoughts - well it works for me anyway.

had a terrible day today. so annoyed with my self. I was all set for giving up this year I actually felt really positive about it this morning, but just thought for some stupid reason that I should have that one last final bet. I did and the rest is history. I've lost a huge ammount of my months wages. I don't like posting on here so negatively but I'm feeling so rubbish and had to get some words out somehow. This can't ever happen again.

The thing is it wasn't just one final bet it never is - it was lots of them, each one getting more insane till I lost all rational thought. This has to stop, because now I feel desperate and shocked at what I've just done.

Sorry to read of your set back. It's sometimes very difficult to resist those urges when they strike. Did you gamble online and was there a particular trigger you noticed to help you avoid next time? At least you have now returned to this forum and recognise it can't happen again. I hope you can sort things out financially and move forward knowing this has to be the final blip. Keep telling yourself you won't win and remind your self of everything that's good about giving up gambling for good.

Remember your original quote "money will look after itself if you stop throwing it down the drain"

You said yourself the only reason you gamble is the idea it could possibly get you out of the financial mess gambling has created but I'm sure you know that will never happen.

Hope you can make today day 1 and maybe take more drastic steps to remove the ability to gamble online in future ?

Clare x

Thanks Clare, I really appreciate your kind words. I totally agree that I have to take a more drastic approach to preventing myself from having access to gambling. I tried K9 but it didn't really work for me as I have so many different devices that connect to the Internet. I have self excluded myself from many online sites but I know I will always find more. One thing I have thought of is to lock my devices (phone/tablet/laptop) in a drawer at work every evening for a couple of weeks. It's not ideal I know but for the moment it is my only option.

I have been awake all night just can't sleep. This is the worse it's ever been for me. One day at a time, that's the only thing I can focus on right now.

Ok, feel slightly more positive this morning. The money is gone - I can't change that. But I can take positive action to make sure it never happens again. I will be able to just pay my bills this month but not my debts. So I have to face up to the companies I owe money to. Today I'm going to read as many recovery diaries as I can as I'm not at work. People here have already offered me loads of support so I want to make it part of my recovery that I support others too.

Hi Barmy,

Sorry to read of your slip, but look how positive you come across this morning, 99% of the time we find a way out, it's staying out that's the problem, lol.

I wish you the very best on your recovery, and well done for not giving up,

Best wishes,

Suzanne xx

Hi Barmy,

I'm sorry that you have had a slip up. I have been there too, twice already!! but I am determined more than ever that 2015 will be gamble free for me and so far (2nd Jan!) so good. But I, like you, have to face up to the financial destruction that I have brought upon us by gambling, its sounds like you have hit rock bottom - which is good, because things can only get better from now on. Things cannot get any worse unless you keep on gambling. As you so rightly say, the money has gone. There nothing we can do to bring yesterday back and so we have to face the aftermath. This month, my bills will be getting paid and some of the cc companies I owe money too, I will be getting hammered by phone calls, emails and dreading the postman coming to my door! It will be short term until I have repaid the payday lenders....Yes, I have got myself into deep s**t !! I did speak to the my bank about extending my overdraft to break the PD Lender cycle - they said no (and I dont blame them, my credit score is now destroyed) but they did remove some of the charges that I would have had to pay next month, due to my gambling binge being so much that I couldnt afford to pay the final direct debits of the month. Which I thought was nice of them to do and has saved me £90 from next months wage.

Anyways, enough of me rambling on. Keep strong and try and stay postive!!

Mel x

Hi Barmy

It's good you are feeling slightly more optimistic about things today , I always found that once the initial despair was done and I'd checked bank balances and figured out the extent of the damage I started to feel a bit better. It's good you can at least pay the bills for the month. I think your idea to leave gadgets at work to restrict internet access is sensible. Maybe limit yourself to one device with k9 software installed. I had my friend set the password so I can't take it off to access the gambling sites. You can then still use this site to help you manage the urges and as you say help gain strength reading about others. It really does help you get your head around the bigger picture and understand at least on here you're not alone fighting this.

Best wishes for today hoping day one is going good for you.

Clare x

Thanks so much Mel, Clare, Suzanne and NT - It means a lot to have your support and words of advice on practical solutions for the first days.

I've started reading a quit gambling book - not usually my thing but the book makes quite a lot of sense focusing on the fact that the perceived pleasure/enjoyment of gambling is just an illusion - it only briefly offers you relief from the pain it's causing anyway. Ok nothing new there but it helps to have things spelt out occasionly - and I can't really rely on my own wisdom at the moment as it's got a bit warped by gambling and money worries etc. Positive things today - went for run in the rain round a really muddy park. Not normally my idea of fun, but made me feel 100% better about everything. Having got my 2015 off to a really really bad start, I'm determined to come back fighting.

Hope your still doing ok and abstaining !

Mel 🙂

Hi there Barmy toad, these 1st few days really are the hardest as without the fog of gambling to blur it, you really can see the damage you have done. Done being the operative word! That can't be undone but you can get your life back! Good to see the bank have been lenient with charges but fairly disgraceful that they can justify charging that much for a few returned direct debits which they aren't out of pocket for anyway (Grrr)!

Keep the running up & you may get a healthier life to go with your healthier bank balance. Just keep doing what you are doing - ODAAT

Hope you're doing okay ?

Clare