New start 2018

Day 1

Another day 1 for me but this time I really need to focus and do much better. I know my main problem is that I have harboured thoughts that I can still gamble in moderation but it just doesn’t work out like that.

Very thankful that I’m not in any debt but I struggle by in life rather than enjoying days. It’s a very stressful existence to be a compulsive gambler. I want an easier life. It’s been too out of control for the past through years and like they say at GA it’s become unmanageable.

Last bet 14 February 2018.

Hi 2018

You are not alone, your story is mirrored on here 1000 times, my advice, put blocks in place, write on the diary section as often as time permits and take one day at a time. The last one is most important, if you say I will never gamble again then you will get overwhelmed, just say today I will not gamble.

Good luck.

Shaun

Thanks Sha999. I’ve got some good blocks in place now. Self-excluded from online accounts. Reduced the amount I can withdraw on cards. Got plans to stay busy for the next few days and nights. Blocks ease the pressure but don’t remove it as it’s always possible for a compulsive gambler to circumvent them. I’ve managed to put in place more and more blocks over the years so it’s becoming harder to gamble... thankfully. I need to improve my willpower and focus. Most importantly I think that each and every day I need to acknowledge I have a problem and do someone to ‘nod my cap’ at it and see it’s there. Too often I drift into thinking I’ll be fine and then weeks or months later I’m faced with another loss and more wasted time.

Same as you. I am not in debt but I lost a lot and am still struggling daily not to think about the losses and not to gamble again.

Stayed really busy tonight and navigated day 1. Onwards.

Day 2

I’m making a conscious effort to acknowledge recovery rather than to try and distance myself from the problem and hope it just fades away over time. I’m reading more and listening to more podcasts around the topic. Really early days but it’s something different to try.

Learning not to hate myself is also a big step. I’m not a bad person. I just have a problem.

Last bet 14 February 2018

Have a great day today and breeze through day too because you are right, you are not a bad person, you just developed a problem like many of us which you didn't choose or ask for, it just took over. You are doing something about it now so be very proud of yourself because I am proud of you.

The days will soon build up, just don't give in to those urges anymore

Wilsy

Thanks Wilsy - it was really great of you to send that. Really helped me along today.

I was listening to a podcast last night about why so many people fail with New Years resolutions / wanting to make change in their lives (lose weight etc).

There were a few nuggets of conversation there stuck with me.

Accountability - you need to be accountable to someone or something to make a change.

Belief in the possibility - you need to believe it’s possible; even if just 1% latch onto that percent and make it widen to 5%, 10% and up etc.

Negativity basis - needs to be overridden with positivity; the default thoughts for the majority are that things will go bad. You’ve got to flip the script.

I found these all obvious but I hadn’t thought about them and their impact before. I definitely need to work on believing I can live a life without gambling. It’s definitely possible to do so but I need to creep up my belief in myself.

Thats the spirit mate, I find it hard to remain positive but I must be at least 25% positive in my life to have given up gambling. We all have to hope and try our best without gambling we will return to our more positive selfs each day

Wilsy

Day 3

Keeping busy with jobs round the house so hoping the day will fly by without any issues.

Hmm. A few thinks for me to think about. What you said makes sense.

Accountability: I have none. Belief: I am going to gamble again sometime. Negativity: I have loads (See Belief)

Day 4

Been a mega stressful day. Had constant urges to gamble on various sporting events. Thankfully all my exclusions prevented me from placing any bets.

Degenerate - I agree with you. I need to work on all three aspects.

Day 5

Glad the weekend is over. Had a really diffuclt time with constant urges. I was scanning for websites where I might not be excluded at one point. Felt so desperate and pathetic when I came round from it. Been really down. Just hoping it’ll get easier.

Last bet 14 February 2018.

Hi 2018,

you made it through the weekend in your first week of being gamble free, that is some achievement and be proud of yourself. The first few weeks are the hardest, like giving up any addiction, the urges are at their highest and you will feel really down. Hang in there as it will get better.

Wilsy