new user

thanks rainman , I think that might just help that has possibly taken my fear away of seeing another wheel not that im scared of a wheel just scared of the urge I get after seeing one tempting me back to that dark place , will give your thinking a go next time I see one thanks , also michaelex thanks your right one day at a time

Hey Tryer,

Well this is a bit of a scary thread.......certainly should be a reminder for anyone new on this forum why there is a need to stop if "fun" gambling has turned into a loss of control.

There's only 4 people on the thread that have spoken about debt and losses..........£158,000 between you.

I'm pretty certain that between the rest of us who have posted, the total would be well over £1/4 million. How frightening is that?

Tryer - congrats on almost being at the 2 week point - your story is so familiar and I hope beyond hope that you have the correct actions deployed to help you get through this........the change in the quality of life without gambling far exceeds one that every few minutes you are craving the fix. The "fix" can be replaced........but the loss in trust, heartache, pain, lies, secrets.......all of that pit in the stomach despair........that can't be missed.

Stay strong fella - keep following the diaries of the duncs and bobs of this forum - seasoned recoverers and more than happy to invest time in supporting guys like you and me in getting through this.......and asking for nothing in return.

Take care and all the best

Mr Brightside

another day and on my way !

weird thought today ,while doing a little work today in my kitchen, i had a thought and feeling of almost regret of gambling and gambling losses from the night before, but yet i did not gamble last night . so this tells me not only did i have a really bad habbit of gambling but it also tells me i had got used to and almost accepted losses when i lost and also got used to the regret of gambling and the gambling losses from the night before, with this addiction then almost training my brain to carry on gambling even if i loose or win almost like it was deciding for me to gamble and me having no say in it atall . very scary , well im retraining this brain of mine rewiring it maybe , no more gambling for me

Hi Tryer, thanks for your post. I've just read yours and whenever I read a new poster it always gives me a mixed response. First of all I know they are desperate to change because they've just wasted a cataclysmic amount of money through gambling. I know that part of them will be yearning to give up because the pain, confusion and misery will have brought them to breaking point. Yet I also know that I am reading the diary of an entrenched addict and it leaves me wondering 'will they make it?' If you stick around here long enough you will witness people come and go and settle for a life of misery, settle for a life as an addict, and lose everything apart from their addiction. At this moment in time you're going well, two weeks shows strength, but you're still in that danger zone so you must never, ever relax yet or become complacent. You're at that stage were by coming off gambling you will experience emotional highs and lows, frustration, anger, joy and even elation. All normal. You will get urges in your head. Gambling will try and use every trick in the book to draw you back in. You'll tell yourself ''I can win back those losses if I play differently this time, with control,' (forget this, it never, ever happens, we have no control). 'Im bored a little bet will make me feel better.' (Forget this your next bet could and eventually will destroy you). 'Recently, I've done so well I deserve a little bet.' (None of us deserve a little bet, like taking cyanide). Then there's the depressive self destructive thought 'no one cares about me, then why should I care? I'm having that bet' (this is like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, don't make a bad feeling even worse).

Until you've given yourself a significant distance between yourself and that last bet, until your brain has been given time to rewrite itself then protect the true you from the gambler you. Put immovable gambling blocks in everywhere, for the chances are, the gambler still inside you will try to take control. If you can't bet you won't bet and the urges will lose their nagging relentless power.

Put all your losses behind you, they belong to the universe and you'll never get them back. Concentrate on what you have and look to the future. Never be tempted to reduce debt through gambling, patience is the key. You're still a young man and in many ways life is just beginning.

Now do me a favour, put my mind at ease and see if you can stretch these two weeks into a month. If you make it then you're well on the road to recovery. If you don't, and there is no shame in that believe me, then keep trying, for it's only when you quit trying you end up losing everything.

God loves you Tryer and take care

Laz

day 15 it feels good , and i am not gonna be a victim to gambling

today is day 15 , well I feel weird today , just before I woke up I had a dream I was on the laptop looking for a new sight one that I had not previously selfexcluded myself from, and in my dream I found a sight and I remember actually thinking to myself in my dream, shall I use this site , shall I sharnt I , well I just woke up at 8.30 just before I used the site although in my dream sadly I decided to use the site , I don't know why I had the dream and I am a great believer that what you are thinking about the night before even if you do not know you are thinking about it, you will dream about that when asleep , so I obviously was thinking about this before. I just hope this was only on my mind as I was posting on this site until late last night then giving me thoughts of gambling but only thoughts of why not to gamble then producing the dream , but I just hope if I had when awake found another site I hope i would of resisted and excluded before starting or preferably not looked for another site at all. To be honest after waking up I did feel pannicy a little thinking I had done something stupid again for real but then had relief when I realised I hadn't and it was just a dream , and instead it was the start for me of day 16 without gambling . food for thought though. I cannot gamble as I cannot stop , and so I will not gamble ever again , I will not be a victim to this addiction not any more not me .

Well done, mate! Day 15 and counting, keep it that way!

This is only day 6 for me, but I'll get there.

I had the same problem during the night. I was having dreams about my gambling, huge bets that were lost or won. It's amazing how deep is this thing going, we think of it even when we're asleep.

I wish that all that I've done was just a bad dream. But it's not. I think you should take the relief after all these dreams, it feels so good to realise that it didn't happen for real and that should make us stronger.

Keep it up!

Tryer

fella those dreams are in my mind addiction trying it's arm, it will play dirty, the gloves will be off from now on, I get those dreams, addiction whispering sweet nothings, about the fact that it will be different next time!!

Will it? will it f**k!!

my friend you are doing all the right things, keep close by your diary, your contributions to other diaries will help too.

Me I play dirty too, I see it gambling beat me with a stick, beat me good and proper, today I hold that stick, each day i make the right choice I get to beat addiction back.

The same is on offer for you too.

grab the stick that beat you

And Enjoy it!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Every day that you don't gamble should feel like a huge achievement.

If you add up all the hours of your life that you lost, that's probably the part that people regret the most.

Money can be earned back unlike time.

Not only does gambling take your money away but it takes your life away too.

I've become so much more productive as a person since I stopped it, I've been making proper meals, doing the washing, performing better at work, gardening (!) spending more time with my children, doing more sports, seeing more of my dogs and walking them more often, cleaning my car and all those other little chores which keep getting put to one side.

This is just in under 3 weeks..... I would have lost around 5 hours per day to gambling every day of every week.

Now I have it back and so do you!!!

ye absoloutly spot on first time i cleaned my car last sunday a little, scince i started gambling which was 18months ago, how bad is that , i am glad i am not the only one who had let things go because of gambling . thanks to be or not to be

well day 17 and all is good , a little bit annoyed with myself , as last night i noticed on telly there another new casino site and i had to sit there for 20 mins and justify to myself why not to join it as i felt tempted to join and if i had of done i know i would of played and then been on the chase . thankfully i did not join [ another site came up earlier on telly but was not tempted as allready excluded from that one ] will there be a point when it doesnt bother me when i see a new casino site on the telly that i have not yet played . i think i only did not join last night because i made myself remember the anguish i felt when i lost my last £400 out of a £1000 i put on over a 3 day period and as i write that down now aswell it brings it fresh in my mind , which in one way is horrible and i feel stupid again for loosing it , but is good awell i think as this makes me realise how stupid it would of been to open another account last night. but i just did not like how vunerable i felt last night towards gambling. anyway onwards and upwards , i suppose thinkng like that last night even after 16 days shows me this is going to be a long journey, and i hope i make it, but for me the one weapon that worked last night against this addiction was remembering my last feeling of loosing my last £400 . I will not be a victim to this disease

Tryer you are doing everything right in my book. Keep those demons at bay by staying close to this site. There is no end to recovery but it gets better the longer you ride the train. The urges fade and the real you comes to the fore. It ain't easy but I promise you it is well worth it. I read over a diary of mine from 2008 and the frustrations I showed was incredible. I have since found calmer waters and live my life as normal as normal can be. Just keep at it mate as this addiction will wait forever to get you back. Sounds daunting but it is beatable if you do the right things Take care

Simon

fella in answer to the questions you posed upon my thread I will do my best to answer them.

Regards Sabines diary I was here on the forum when she lost her battle, a truly sad time, but I am so pleased the moderators of the forum put her Diary where it belongs at the top of the recovery diary section.

I have met through my ga room and this forum a great deal of folk who have had a profound effect on my recovery, they have taken time out of there lives to share the wonderful knowledge that recovery has gifted them, we are I believe the custodians of that knowledge and I feel compelled to pass it on in the hopes that those statistics are grown.

That 3% statistic comes from my GA room, the black and white facts are 3 folk out of 100 who walk through the doors go on to arrest there addiction for a year and that figure lessens onto year two and so on, me I am obsessed with numbers always have been, I number crunch all day!! hence the spinning wheel became my own nemesis. I have done the maths on this forum and that 3% statistic is with honesty too high for the recovery diaries section, as we discussed on my thread yesterday many folk drift down the pages never to return.

Today I play with numbers in my mind for the right reasons, to entertain my mind in a healthy way and build my resolve to become one of the 3% club for life because that is the bigger picture here, this is a life choice, no point in me personally counting because there is no end goal no date when I will be cured or can go back at it.

For me Simon it is today unacceptable for me to place a bet, because I know and accept what the outcome will be.

for you Like me there will always be a place to wager your hard earnt, another race meeting a new website, the industry is 24/7 365 days a year, that is not going to change, you have to accept that, put your blocks in place and with it your gamble free time and the resolve to keep it will grow.

I do believe as compulsive gamblers we all share a common want to have it now/ today we crave instant results, an immediate outcome, your addiction is beating itself up, it wants to know why you stopped, it wants you back, 17 days in fella it will believe it has a chance, whether that comes with a new website or a bad or even a good day, it wants your hard earnt cash.

Through abstinence I have become patient, I am happy to wait, I can laugh in a cue, I can plan for a future, I tolerate things that before would make me blow and run for the fobt.

Today I actually am enjoying a long game, A game where I control the outcome, get to enjoy the various stages of this journey.

It is like we build a wall between ourselves and the next bet, each day you lay a brick, at the moment I think you could see your addiction peering over the top, clinging on for a chance to tempt you back, mine lurks on the other side of the wall, it charges at it, makes noises to try and get to climb up and have a look, but today I know that some days to combat it I don't lay the brick my decision not to bet gifted me, instead I throw it over and smack addiction in the face, it brings great pleasure.

That will happen to you fella, just keep doing what you are, those adverts will fade, if your blocks are in place then you will be safe until then.

Don't beat yourself up, addiction loves that, it told me for twenty years it was my best friend!!

All that time it was sleeping with someone else!!

Enjoy the fact that you are the boss of your destiny again, keep up the great work.

Together we stand

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Tryer, congratulations on getting this far without breaking, 20 days is within your *****. The urges and temptations at this early stage can be both frightening and terrible. Youve got to get through them somehow. This is all a mental game from now on, you against your addiction, every day you dont bet you get a tiny bit stronger and as I said previously it'll try every trick in the book to draw you back in. That new site advertised on the TV will needle you and could be a way to break you, if I was you I would exclude myself from them if possible. Make your blocks airtight at this stage, leave nothing to chance.

I used to dream constantly about gambling, about me being in the bookies placing a bet. I used to wake up feeling awful thinking I'd have to go 'cold turkey' all over again and start my days back to zero. Like falling down a snake in snakes and ladders, I'm a poor loser. Dont worry though because all the urges, temptations, mood swings and dreams begin to fade after a while. You're doing everything right, you're getting your feelings off your chest here and putting everything into your recovery, this is crucial. It gives you a fighting chance. I read here as often as I can, it's my medicine and it stops me forgettinghow bad I once was, the destruction gambling brings. I also, and this isn't for everyone, use anger towards gambling as a block within my mindset. Whenever, I think of gambling, and of course I do, it triggers thoughts of me being taken for a ride, robbed of both time and money, I think of my daughter, shame, regret, stupidity. It's all there, in a little box inside my head, which I only open when I see an advert or walk past a bookies. It's my first and most important block but as I say 'anger' in an form is not for everyone but it works to protect me.

Anyway, good luck Tryer, take each day as it comes, enjoy the good times, for you will have many and be aware that all bad times/thoughts eventually pass.

Take care

Steve

day 18 and feeling more optomistic today , no more dreams or urges or temptations yesterday or last night so feeling happier in myself