No looking back

Thanks for that post slow

My partner is no longer angry and is being very supportive, I deleted the banking apps off my phone and he's got them on his now instead and will take financial control and its a huge relief.

I've updated gamstop with my current email address and phone number, straight away I was excluded from the 2 sites I had signed up to. I also emailed the sites and gamstop to say what had happened, I'm quite surprised how supportive the safer gambling team were.

I've come off Facebook and before I did I deleted all my 'gambling friends' so when I feel ready to go back they will no longer be on it, just my family and friends.

I feel relief.! I don't want to gamble. I really feel like this is it for me now, I can do this, I know I can, and I will ?

Stace

Feeling really positive ? 

I can do this, I know I can.

No looking back

Hey Stranger!

Been a while, just catching up on your posts. I think it would benefit you next time you get the urge to re-read all of the posts you've put on this thread as I don't think you realise how strong willed you are!

You've had the odd bump in the road along the way but you knew immediately what you needed to put in place to stop it and came clean to your partner which I know isn't easy.

Sorry to hear you're struggling with your mental health but glad to hear you're seeking support and I know you've got great support around you in your partner and your kids.

I haven't gambled since July last year and part of the reason for that is that your determination inspired me. You'd already started this journey as I was starting mine and gave me some really good advice. I've given my partner control of the finances and leave myself a small amount of money which was a massive weight off my shoulders at the time. 

I've turned my attention to my house now and building a life with my partner as when I put it into perspective, gambling means nothing compared to a life with my partner and hopefully kids one day!

Thinking of you and keep updating your diary! ❤

Matt xx

Ahh matt.!! So lovely to hear from you ?

Your doing AMAZING, but I knew you would. 

You clearly love your partner so much, I'm really happy for you. You deserve to build a lovely life for your family.

re reading my diary is actually something I've never done, but I certainly will now.

My mental health is improving, my blocks are now super tight and I'm feeling really positive. I've also given my partner control of the money and its such a huge relief.

You've made me smile this morning g with your post.

Keep going, keep gf, and keep building your future ready for some mini matts running round ?

Really happy your doing so well.

Stace xx

Day 9 after my blip and I'm feeling so positive. My blocks are super tight, Facebook deactivated,  partner taken financial control. Its all such a relief, I'm so lucky to have such a supportive partner. Time to focus on my kids now and improving mentally. ?

?? DAY 13 ??

Still feeling so positive. Its not 'faking til you make it' this time, its real and feels amazing. I know I now have NO way to gamble and I'm just so relieved. 

Started spending more time with my partner. He gets 2 days off work a week and we're making an effort now to do something together on one of those days. The past 2 weeks we've gone for really long walks. Its bringing us closer together.

I really do feel like the weight of the world has been lifted ?

So 2 weeks since I last gambled. Its flown by. I'm feeling so much more positive and actually looking forward to things.

I have had such a lovely weekend with my kids and family. Yesterday took them for a long walk to a park and then to see my mam and dad. Today I decided I want to start eating healthy and exercising more, so I got a steps tracker app on my phone. Took kids for a really long walk up the woods, for a picnic and to see the waterfalls with my 2 sisters, niece and nephews. We did 9000 steps ?‍♀️? they loved it, so did I. I'm loving how I feel. 

Day 17 gf and never felt so good ?

So my good day turned into a not so good evening. But I'm proud to be gf and tomorrow is a new day. ☀️

Been a big day today, my sister finally admitted to having a problem and signed up to gamstop. So proud of her. I always felt like I was responsible for her starting to gamble, as whenever I used to win I would share it with her years ago and then when I found out she had started to gamble I felt like it was my fault. I've been trying to help her now for a while but she would never put blocks on. Today she has ? fresh start for us both. Time to recover and move on from this horrible addiction.

Day 18 today ?

Cant believe the time.! I've had a really restless night with only about 1 hours sleep, I may aswel just get up now ?

Had slight urges, which is often the case when I'm sleep deprived and mind in overdrive, but its soon passed.

On plus side, day 20 gf ?

22 DAYS GF ?

Picked my kids up from school today and took them to the shop for an ice cream treat. Was so nice to be able to do that, they were really happy. They are such good kids, very rarely ask for anything and if they do and I can't get, they don't moan. 

I've reached 22 days gf since my blip after doing 180+ days gf previously,  and things are so different this time round. Last time, I knew I still had a way to gamble, it was like a safety blanket for me in way.. dont know what I was thinking, one day things got too much and I turned to it. But that day something in me clicked. It was the final straw for me. Its not the life I wanted. So I strengthened my blocks, got rid of my 'safety blanket, handed over finances, deleted banking apps. The relief was unreal. My partner has been so supportive, he's a great support.

I'm doing this for my kids, I don't want them to have a life of missing out because mum couldn't stop gambling. But I'm doing it for me too, I wasn't going out the house, I distanced myself from everyone, I was moody, suicidal, depressed, anxious, on edge, skint, struggling, and the stress of it all was too much. I'm now going out, I go for walks on my own, with my partner, and with my kids and sisters. My kids love it as now on weekends we're doing things. We had a lovely weekend last weekend. And this weekend I have more walks planned and picnics n parks ?

I'm learning new ways to cope, walking is definetly one. But during the night when I can't sleep and my thoughts kick in, thats the hardest time as I get urges. So I do breathing exercises and listen to sounds on my headphones like rain , I personally find it soothing 

I'm hopeful that this is my turning point, that I will do this and escape gambling. I just want a good life with my kids. Its only been 22 days and already I have money saved, I'm working towards some personal goals and am feeling stronger

Stace ?

I'm so pleased to read this, for you both, as I think your sister has provided a window back into gambling, for you, in the past.

Really positive news. Hopefully, if she relapses, she will at least have a bit of insight into why you shouldn't trigger others or enable them.

Thanks freda, yes in the past I've been able to gamble on her accounts, but that was also my fault as I didn't have the proper blocks, if I had of had gamban then I wouldn't of been able to. Blocks are super tight now though ?

Hope your doing ok

Really tired today, not sleeping to well, I'm just glad I have better ways of coping during the night now instead of gambling.

Had a nice day with kids, long walk to the park and ice cream on way home ? 

23 days gf