online slot stupidity

Thanks easylife,

It's the support and strength I've recieved from you guys that have kept me going - so thanks again to everyone.

Not much to post today - Just been spending time working on my business and reading self-help books to change my negative mindset and gain more confidence. The book i'm reading at the moment states that if there is anything in our lives that we are unhappy with, we should stop playing the victim and change it. We are the only ones responsible for our unhappiness and therefore there is only us that can take action and create positive changes.

This not only makes me feel good about recognising my problems and actively attempting to combat them, but it also encourages me to step out of my comfort zones.

I did this today by applying for a job, even though I'm petrified of interviews. I need to convince myself that if I get offered an interview that it's ok..... I can handle it, instead of working myself up into a frenzy like I usually do.

I'm definately feeling a hell of a lot better than I did when I was gambling. Feel quite proud of myself for how far i've come and i'm determined to carry on beating this and using the experience positively to help others come through the otherside as well.

Anyhow, that's all for now.

Chan xx

I will get there thanks for your support please keep looking at my dairy ! have you given betting good luck baljit Rai

please can you send me the name of that book

i will buy it the one you are reading.

Being gamble-free can only be good for you.

Being in a gamble-crazy world brings out all the badness in you.

Which one would you choose?

I know which one I would choose!

Enjoy your gamble-free weekend.

GT

Hi Baljit, I am following your diary hun. Keep at it!!

The book i'm reading is called 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffors. My counsellor lent it to me to encourage positive thinking and I find it quite motivating to be honest.

Thanks Gettingthere, I will continue to choose the gamble-free world like yourself.

Off out now for an all you can eat. Might have to join a gym shortly lol.

Have a fab weekend everyone !!!!

Chan x

Hi Chan,

You seem to be doing really well and piecing your life back together. That's fantastic news.

Amazing the things you can do once you give the old demons the cold shoulder.

Sounds like an interesting book to... Never really been one for the self help books... but hey, what ever works for you... and it clearly is working so keep it up.

Anyway... just a quicky to show I haven't forgotten about you.

And hope you're having a great weekend.

SF

Hiya Chan!

Back from hols and, if you read my diary, over the last few days you have probably stopped me slipping back to a place that I really didn't wanna go to.

You are doing fantastic. I've realised over the last couple of days this is a long long process. I was being a bit blasé about this I guess because I had a holiday to focus on. However, this journey is a rollercoaster and this is really my first major "dip".

You stopped me. Again. Thank you so much.

Keep going. Proud of ya. Xxxx

N

Thanks SF and cannotwin for your positive comments, they really help me when i'm struggling.

For some reason I think the craving for me is starting to become greater the longer I am abstinent. I heard that it takes 3 weeks to break the addiction and thought I would be ok at this point, but I guess now the euphoria of quitting is over, I have thoughts that are enticing me back.

I will not give in though - I owe it to myself and everyone else on this forum. I found myself humming the tune of my favourite slot machine the other day - FGS.

Do these urges ever go away ??

It's starting to really irritate me now - there is so much I could be doing, but I have to keep coming on this site to keep me on the right path and to sort my head out.

Glad you didn't give in cannotwin - your strength keeps me motivated. Like you, i'm also starting to realise what a long process this actually is.

Chan xxx

Little worried it's a few days since we've heard from you!

Seriously Chan I never knew it would be this hard. You take your eye off the ball for one second and your in trouble again. But that's where I am.

I think you are doing great. In fact, I actually think you may have it almost under somewhat of a control anyway, but this was confirmation, you being able to talk about it in this diary. However do not get complacent, I did and it's bitten me. The reason I say this is that you are at a stage I remember, vividly, and you think it's getting harder. Then, all of a sudden you can soft pedal for a while. But the next hill is a big one, but with work and support, you can make it. I just got off the bike last night for a bit! Lol not sure why am using the cycling analogy! Maybe it's because the Tour de France is coming up! Lol

If I'm right, and you lose dependency on your diary, you need to really stay and help others. You have an amazing gift in your writing, or as you call it scribbles; people draw inspiration from you. I did! And even if my synopsis is totally wrong, you have influenced people, just look at your diary responses. I think you could, when you're ready, counsel people.

I hope you're still doing well, however in my heart of hearts am certain you are.

N xxxx

Thank you so much Cannotwin, You really do motivate me. I've had a few tough moments lately, but have got through them unbeaten.

I will try not to become complacent....but sometimes feel that by coming on here all the time, I am remaining in the gambling mindset. I am trying to focus my energy in getting my business up and running again, but find myself being distracted by facebook games now lol.

I also got a bit irritated the other night by someones claims that this forum is about abstinence and they are sick of reading about people who claim they are not gambling followed by a reference to their night down the bingo hall.

I do still attend bingo as I said earlier. This is not a problem for me. If I win it does not go on the online slots as one member presumed it would....it goes into my bank account to save for my summer holidays.

It seems some people think that because we are on here, we are completely out of control where money is concerned. But, I believe that there are varying degrees in severity with this problem. I did not empty my entire bank account in this latest online gambling binge or take loans out etc. I used just over a third of my savings which devastated me and told me I had a problem. This forced me to put measures in place to stop myself ever feeling this low and out of control again.

I believe that I have explored myself well enough now to know where my weaknesses lie and will avoid putting myself in these situations at all costs. So, I just wanted to point out that different individuals use different techniques to help them. We are all unique and should not all be stereotyped.

Rant over !!!

Think its about 4 weeks now - woohoo!!! and still not touched alcohol either 🙂 so feeling good.

Thanks again cannotwin, your support is very much appreciated.

Keep up the fight hun xx

Chan x

Hiya Chan,

Firstly, a heartfelt thankyou for replying to my diary. Secondly, I am totally in awe of your presence of mind regarding your business. At the stage you are at in recovery, where I have been, I know how much just continuing to function is hard. Massive well done for considering your future - in the terms of where you are at in comparison to where I was, that is astonishing to me. I am in total awe. Well done! If you ever need a salesman, you know where to come!

I must admit however coming on here is the total opposite to a gambling mindset for me. I came on here when I knew I was faltering, I also started a diary after I read yours. Reason? Diarising thoughts make you remember how low, or how high you feel when you reach each milestone on this long journey.

I still attend land bingo aswell, and people may scoff and say well I have no intention of giving up gambling. I probably don't in reality, but what I am here for is to give up destructive gambling. £400 in half an hour was where I was before Christmas 2010 - thats destructive. Pressing the mouse button in despair is destrucive. Lights off in the house and gambling in the early hours is destructive. Not being able to get out of bed for special occasions due to gambling online until 6-7 am, thats destructive.

£100 in four hours once a week? Is that destructive? Especially when my wife is with me enjoying the same thing? No, that is probably beneficial.

I know I am a CG and am probably the best liar to myself, but that to me is manageable and no longer destructive. People miss the point regarding destructive gambling - they always put a value to it. Thats the wrong way to look at it - destructive gambling is when yes, you may spend more money than is affordable, but the most important thing is you lose contact, human contact, with your loved ones. I need a gambling outlet, and land bingo is it. I have also made some great friends there, who also have similar stories to tell.

Anyway sorry for hijacking your diary Chan! You are my inspiration, I hope I can continue to be one for you too. Keep it up!

N xxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Cannotwin.

What an excellent post !!!

I could not agree more !!!

You basically put in writing everything that I've been trying to say. We are both here for exactly the same reasons - to stop destructive gambling.

Online gambling is such a solitary, soul destroying habit that took away my sanity, self-esteem and caused me to loathe myself.

It is exactly a month since I put the block on and turned my back on this way of life.

Slowly i'm piecing myself back together. I'm starting to like myself again and think more positively about the future. The pain and worry that was etched on my face is disappearing now and people have actually commented on how well I look. Basically, i'm getting there and it feels good !!!

I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement. I couldn't have made it to a month without your help !!!

Keep up the fight !!!

Chan xxx

Hiya Chan,

Brilliant post again, thank you. Everyone who does not know what this thing does thinks a "one size fits all" approach is the best one. Beating this is indivualistic - there are no two solutions the same. Anyone who thinks you are doing the wrong thing are wrong, and ignorant. In a way I'm glad their ignorant, as they have not plumbed the depths we have.

Again you have resonated with me reference online gambling. It is so solitary. It isolates you. And it does take away your ability to function normally.

You are doing fantastic, and are a lot more advanced down the recovery route than you give yourself credit for. Keep it up, and sorry but in a selfish way, keep inspiring me!!!

N xxxxxx

hi there i will get there please read my notes on my site please can send me the name of the self help book i did ask you last week please send me the name how you doing good luck

Hi Chan

If i could just drop you a few quick words.

Firstly I am only on day 2 online bingo/slots free and made a plan of steps i need to follow. Why did i think i was the only stupid person in the world to have let gambling take over my life, making me miserable, neglecting my son, wasting all my money, admitting it has already gave me slight encouragment. I could read your posts all day the way you put your thoughts fears and goals into words is great. Im really hoping blocks in place that i too can QUIT and enjoy life like i used to.

Keep going and encourage me please.

AK