online slot stupidity

Hi AK,

I know exactly how you're feeling because I was in exactly the same place. You feel completely alone in your addiction, because in your immediate surroundings you generally are. Nobody I knew used to sit mindlessly clicking their mouse all day long in the hope of a win like I used to.

This addiction can make you feel so isolated and out of control and I understand the misery associated with your every waking moment being focused on gambling.

It's so depressing that I got to the point where I dreaded waking up in the morning. I knew that the longer I stayed asleep, the longer my money would remain in the bank.

I also neglected my family and activities could only be arranged once i'd broken even or reached a profit. It really is soul destroying !!

I think the hardest part for me was to accept my losses and stop chasing. I put an online block on my computer at my lowest point and my partner password protected it to ensure I couldn't remove it. I have no doubt whatsoever that I would have continued to gamble without this lifesaver.

I also spent a lot of my time reading this forum, as it helps to know that you really are not alone in this fight. There is strength in numbers and I have been encouraged all the way through my recovery so far.

I realised that gambling was a form of self-medicating my anxiety problems, which got worse the more out of control I got. So I spoke to my doctor who prescribed me some short term medication.

I also referred myself to a counsellor through Gamcare which has been a very positive experience and helps to keep me strong.

I can't say that the urges have disappeared....probably never will ? But the opportunity has been removed so I can't act on these urges.

I wake up feeling happier, i'm spending quality time with my partner and daughter and I am working on a positive mental attitude.

You can do this AK, it takes dedication, and a belief in yourself. In my opinion you are already half way there - you have admitted you have a problem, put a barrier in place and accepted your losses. These are massive steps to take and you will soon notice a marked improvement in your life.

Cannotwin - thanks again for your positivity on my diary, you always give me a boost xxx

Baljit - The self-help book I was reading was "Feel the fear and do it anyway". A very thought inspiring read.

Cheers again guys !!!!

Chan xx

Chan

Firstly glad to find you well and starting to enjoy life for the better. Well today is day 4 im feeling bit low and iritable but having read some deeply distressing posts on here today, whilst ive had few tears for the desperate situations we put ourselves in and truly hope those users work things out and stay strong. I do not want to offend any of those users but for me ive started to get help before hitting complete meltdown for which im extremely grateful. The constant thought of next fix is completely draining, the irritability, headaches, stress, low self esteem, shame, and disgust NO wont miss any of them feelings. I was like you also considering odd visit to land bingo but am undecided at the moment, be nice to go once a week with friends as i once used to when it was for pure social one off night out. Hope you stay strong during your recovery and I also will read the book you recommended.

We can all do it together!!!!

AK

Two more days chalked off Chan. Well done sweetheart!

You're advice is invaluable to people; I know how hard this is and you are doing brilliantly. I can actually hear a little of myself in your post to AK, which has made me smile a little! That gave me a boost, a huge one.

Cheers chick! Keep going!

Make your own luck everyone!

N xxxxxx

Hiya Chan! Am gonna start calling you Chandler soon! (I watch too much E4) lol

I know your OK, because if you weren't you would come here. But in case your not, I'll be here.

Just wanted to post to your diary. In 21 hours 28 minutes I'm 6 months free. I want to thank you so much, when I make it.

Make your own luck. Thinking of you. And thankyou. Sincerely you have made a difference.

Keep strong.

N xxxxx

Unfortunately, online gambling is what caused me to slip and break my one year gamble-free run.

Having been a gambler for 30 years, I can safely say that online gambling is worse in many ways. The solidarity of it all and the fact that there is no limit on what you can bet means that it WILL create so many problems in society.

I am just SO, SO glad that I put a stop to it before it got worse.

Please continue your gamble-free run!

Enjoy your weekend.

GT

Hey guys, thanks for your positive posts - it's so nice to see that you are all doing so well. Massive well done to cannotwin for getting to 6 months - that's amazing.

I'm still gamble free, though did go on a site that wasn't blocked by my filter last thursday. I didn't deposit any money, but played the online slots on demo - God knows why!!! I wanted to lose as much demo money as I could just to prove I was doing the right thing by not playing anymore. Sounds insane, I know and I got really tempted to deposit some cash, but realised that I would have to come here and tell everybody and that would have been too painful, so i've blocked myself for another 4 weeks.

Spoke to my counsellor about the fact that I didn't feel comfortable about excluding myself from this site for good and she reminded me of how far I have come and asked me if I really want to go back to square one. The answer to that question is a very firm NO !!!

So, when my 4 weeks is up - it will be self-excusion from this site for good !!!

On the non-gambling front, my business is starting to do better and I am still spending the majority of my social time playing facebook games and scrabble.

I have booked an overnight break at a spa as a treat for my abstinence and am also eating out a lot at nice restaurants, so will be off to weight watchers soon lol.

Keep up the fight everyone !!!

Hi Chan,

Sounds like you are really getting it together and life is on the up for you.

Well done for seeing the warning signs when playing for fake money... it would have been very easy to fall back into the trap. I've tried doing the play money thing before. I found it just didn't have the same buzz and quickly got bored and ended up depositing real money so well done for not.

Anyway, keep going and before you know it your old life will be nothing more than a crazy distant memory.

Lol chan that's fantastic! Weight watchers must be better than the alternative!

Wow you are doing so well. I'm swimming against the tide sometimes, but you seem to be serene! Keep your focus, keep believing you can and you will.

N xxxx

Hi Chan,

Just noticed that you've not been on in a while... Hope its just because you've been too busy and nothing more sinister.

Either way, hope you stop by soon and let us know how its going. What ever that might be, you are amongst friends here and will not be judged. You should know that by now.

Anyway, I've been following you since your first post and would like to keep following your story.

Come back soon.

S(f)A

Hi Chan,

Just want you to know that we miss you. Your positivety is missed and we desperately want to know if you are OK.

Please hurry back.

N xxxxxxxxx

Just to repeat what I said above.

N xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi there guys, sorry i've not been on for soooo long and thanks for your supportive posts.

I hope you are all doing well, i've made it over the 2 month mark now and just want to let people know that it's worth going through the withdrawal to get to this stage.

My life is so different now. I am learning to deal with normal day to day stresses without running back to the most stressful thing of all and it feels empowering.

It's weird how I used to have all the time in the world to gamble at the expense of everything else and now i'm finding my life too busy to even update my diary - partially because the little un is off school and demanding all my attention lol.

Had a lovely time in Hull this weekend, where my best friend got married and i'm planning on going abroad in about a week.

Also, my printer is actually working which helps to alleviate my stress levels as this is a crucial part of my business.

I'm still having counselling sessions with Gamcare, but I barely touch on gambling now - I would advise anybody to use this help. It shows strength to accept you have a weakness and seek help and it has helped me no end. I see my counsellor as a friend now and she really is helping me to turn my 'negative' frame of mind into a positive one.

All in all - i'm still on the right path, your encouragement on here has been invaluable and I will attempt to keep my diary updated on a weekly basis from now on xx

Stay strong all xxx

Hi Chan,

Thankyou for your kind words on my old diary.

I know this is all confusing, but I decided i needed a new one a few weeks ago... You more likely remember me as SF... The old me 🙂

Don't worry about me... I'm still going strong. Not circummed to the demons yet.. and have no intention of doing so.

Really glad to see you back and posting, and that you yourself are still going strong. For a while there you had me worried!

Strange how we are always so quick to think the worst... must be in our nature.

Anyway... like I said... no need to worry about little old me... worry about the new one 😉

Hello Chan,

You have made me smile. I was so worried about you, but as I suspected, your doing fine. The empowerment you mention is so important, not just to me but to everyone who is affected by this disease. That is brilliant advice. See, you have a positivity that I could only wish for.

Keep strong, keep well and I hope your printer continues to work!

N xxxxxxxxxx