Online slots...

Loxxie,

Every day is a fishing day - just need Mrs Balvo to realise that as well.....lol

Hope you good as you approach 800 days xx

So...800 days since I told "my friend" online slots ...to do one !
I simply cant imagine feeling as desperate as I did all those days ago when I arrived on this site ...the feeling of despair...the guilt ..the shame...the self loathing at what I had become...a gambling addict...who's only interest in life was those online slots...
My family have supported me from the beginning. ....
They would have supported me earlier....had they have known. ..
But....my addiction loved the protection I gave it...allowing it to consume me ...emotionally..mentally. ...and financially. ...some kind of friendship !
Only when....with the support of family , close friends and the wonderfull support from here...with barriers in place to stop me returning to my "slots"
Was I able to very slowly ...with that classic one day at a time saying...to start my journey into a gamble free loxxie. ...and what a hard hard slog it was....never thinking i would get my addiction under control. ...
I can look back now and see how it happened....how I became an addict. ...
I can look back now and see the triggers ...the warning signs...the
Making of a perfect storm...one that was always going to blow up in my face....and it did !
It really is a life long journey...the fantastic trip of living my life. ....me in control....me making the right choices. ..me being the best I can be....for me ....
The buzz I now get from living a normal life....
Bills paid ontime...
Not dreading the phone..or the post ..
Not having to lie ..
Not feeling like a circus juggler..
Well....that feeling is simply amazing .....and all I ever wanted..
And ive made it happen...
Life will always chuck P**P our way....and it still scats handfulls my way now ....but i can sort it ..cope with it ..and sleep at night . Knowing I've dealt with it...the best I can....without a slot in site..
I don't want this post to come across as self centered and bragging....if I wanted that...I would list the wonderfull things I've done ...and achieved since being gamble free....
I just want you all to know ....
It can be done....
Your journey. ...your future...
Pack your case properly with all the advice and support you can...
Pad it out with barriers and blocks. .
Tuck in....a bucket full of honesty
And start youre trip to you're new life. ...
My very first post ended with..
"Please let my strength continue "
Sooooo
"Please let my strength continue. ..and yours begin "
Xx

Hi loxxie, loved reading your post - as always!
Congratulations on 800 days - a fantastic achievement.
You've helped so many along the way, you've been my inspiration from day one with me thinking 'If Loxxie has proved she can do it then so can I!'
Keep on enjoying the buzz of 'normal life'
Take care and long may your strength (and mine!) continue xx

Hi Loxxie,

DIY SOS or hhhhheeeelllllpppppp!!!!

Yep i also miss some of the crew on here and with that extra support we had as a group it helped us through some dark.times.

Tight lines indeed - will make a fishermans assistant out of you soon.

Now a closing line for you

Get ooouutttaaa my pub.....lol

Xx

Loxxie wrote: So...800 days since I told "my friend" online slots ...to do one !
I simply cant imagine feeling as desperate as I did all those days ago when I arrived on this site ...the feeling of despair...the guilt ..the shame...the self loathing at what I had become...a gambling addict...who's only interest in life was those online slots...
My family have supported me from the beginning. ....
They would have supported me earlier....had they have known. ..
But....my addiction loved the protection I gave it...allowing it to consume me ...emotionally..mentally. ...and financially. ...some kind of friendship !
Only when....with the support of family , close friends and the wonderfull support from here...with barriers in place to stop me returning to my "slots"
Was I able to very slowly ...with that classic one day at a time saying...to start my journey into a gamble free loxxie. ...and what a hard hard slog it was....never thinking i would get my addiction under control. ...
I can look back now and see how it happened....how I became an addict. ...
I can look back now and see the triggers ...the warning signs...the
Making of a perfect storm...one that was always going to blow up in my face....and it did !
It really is a life long journey...the fantastic trip of living my life. ....me in control....me making the right choices. ..me being the best I can be....for me ....
The buzz I now get from living a normal life....
Bills paid ontime...
Not dreading the phone..or the post ..
Not having to lie ..
Not feeling like a circus juggler..
Well....that feeling is simply amazing .....and all I ever wanted..
And ive made it happen...
Life will always chuck P**P our way....and it still scats handfulls my way now ....but i can sort it ..cope with it ..and sleep at night . Knowing I've dealt with it...the best I can....without a slot in site..
I don't want this post to come across as self centered and bragging....if I wanted that...I would list the wonderfull things I've done ...and achieved since being gamble free....
I just want you all to know ....
It can be done....
Your journey. ...your future...
Pack your case properly with all the advice and support you can...
Pad it out with barriers and blocks. .
Tuck in....a bucket full of honesty
And start youre trip to you're new life. ...
My very first post ended with..
"Please let my strength continue "
Sooooo
"Please let my strength continue. ..and yours begin "
Xx

Soooo another 80 odd days have past...had to look at counter to check..
Just thought I would 're post this one.....may help some of you new users.....loxxie xx

" My favourite fish fryer " ???? How many do you know then ?? .. are you a sort of groupie that hang's around Fish markets or what ???? :))

Hello Gal , how yer doing .long time no speak eh ?.

Lovely to hear from you Loxxie :)) but don't worry about the 3yr party as like yourself most day's are the same now ( which is a testiment to how far we've all come eh ) and a far echo of those early day's for us all on here .

I'm so glad to hear all's well in your world but I kinda knew it would be as I said to Martin you were alway's made of stronger stuff :)) .

I saw you mention your old mum , so I'm hoping thing's are ok and it's just and age thing hun but at least you and I are back in the real world again now and can be there for our family's in a time of need so that has to be a good thing :)) .

I did see Kylie's sidekick about the other day as well and nice to hear he's also doing great , He was on TV the other night at a radio 2 thing where she brought him on stage to the song " Especially for you " but she still wouldn't let him sing poor bugg@r :(( .

So not much to report here except were all doing just fine , my kid's , grandson ( just turned one ) and fosterkid's ( two more now ) all doing great and I'm at peace with myself which brings me all the happiness I could wish for :)) .

As you can see I'd started a new diary , still need somewhere to put some thoughts down occasionally but I'm not posting as often now as my fingers are all bent and crooked from the last time we were all here :)) LoL !! .

Not so long now until your 3 yrs so hopefully the Cake master will conjour something up for ?? " Oy Martin you listening "?? ..........:))

Anyhoooz , nearly time to serve some punters so from your favourite Fish fryer to my favourite landlady , sending much love and huge congratulations on all your continued success :))

Speak to you soon Hun Mwaahh !! XX

Ohhhhhh ! I knew you missed me Loxxie :)) x If we’re doing fish jokes (sung to dean martins amore ). “ If it’s a fish that you feel but it’s really an eel that’s a Morey “ ?? Well I found it funny anyway “ XX

Sorry hun , just posted to you on my own page again , Durrrrgh , you can tell I'm losing it :(( xx

Morning....I had almost given up hope of ever being able to log on here again due to the tec problems. ....if I'm honest ...it didnt frustrate me ....I'm fast approaching the 1000 day mark ( gentle hint to martyn to get on with my cake )...and life's good...but still like to keep my eye on the ball as they say......
Very worrying times though for those feeling so desperate....if this problem had arisen in my early days when I was here 24/7 ...it would have been a different story.....and it wouldn't have been a good one....I can't ever remember an online slot site being down for so long whilst I was actively playing them during the dark old days of my addiction controlling me .....they soon fixed there problems .....but hey ho...I don't fret over things I can't change anymore....I concentrate on the things I can change now adays.....
So....if any new posters are reading this.....keep trying...keep reading....and ring the helpline...
Once this sites back to full power...plenty will chat to you...and support you....
To all my old chums on here....who maybe still can't log on....hellooooo.....and stay safe...
Catch up when normality is back on track xxx

This thread is brilliant. Living proof that things do get considerably better in the future with hardwork and support

Well done on turning your life around.

My turn now!

Loxxie.

Glad to hear all is well with you

Xxx

Hello Loxxie :)) .

Thank's for your post's Hun and as alway's much appreciated :)) .

A bit of everything if I'm honest , I couldn't log in for about 10 day's or so so I just gave up for a while but much like yourself I don't feel the need to post everyday anymore so no biggy but feel for those who's position I was once in :(( .

My little Jack russel / patterdale ( Patterjack ) was hit by a car a couple of Sunday's ago , fortunately she bounced and apart from being sore and bruised she's fine which I find hard to believe at nearly 14 , it's also the second time she's been hit by a car and walked away unscathed so she's beggining to remind me of that little Ram on the TV ads that stares the car's down lol !! .

Mad busy at work as well with taking's way on the up but I guess I'm reaping the reward's of hard graft instead of day's of old neglecting it because gambling got in the way , it's true that I spent so much time trying to win what I already had in front of me but couldn't see ?? .

Barry .......... Barry ...... Who the f**k is Barry ??? LOl , I've seriously been out of touch for too long not to know what that's all about , was thinking Barry Manilow ? , Barry Chuckle ( or is he the one that went ? ) Maybe Barry Scott ? You know off the Cilit Bang ads but I'm sure you'd hear him coming ( sorry arriving ) just to clarify :)) . So please enlighten me if you can ? .

Kid's are all good and so far weve heard very little regard's anything happening yet but watch this space .

My grandson's just started walking and the only word he can master at the moment is ??? Yep , Fiiiiiiiisssssssshh :)) Nothing to do with me honestly but he just likes the tropical tank we have LOL :)) .

Looked at your account and thought I'd got the number for the emergency service , so I'm sending you huge congratulations on your 1,000 day's of getting your life back tomorrow hun , it's a huge milestone and one you should carry with pride as your diary's been of great inspiration to many on here ( not me ) but many and I'll raise my glass of whatever I have in my hand tommorow evening when I finish work and thank you also for all the support youv'e shown me over those " Thousand day's " and just think if you'd lost a tenner a day since then you'd have done " Ten grand " " SCARY THOUGHT" not to mention the important bit the loss of time with your loved one's ??? .

Anyhoooz , I'll sign off for now and hope that the " Milk Tray" man leave's his card or if not that Martin get's his finger out and makes you a cracking cake ( if Barry allow's ) ?? . ( Still no idea ) !! .

Lot's of love and best wishes on yer big day :))

Take care love xxxx

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congratulations to one of my besties. Well done on picking up the cryptic message I think you know what it means we’ll keep it as our secret sorry Alan.

1000 days ago.....I was an active addict. ...a wife. ..mum..nanny..daughter. .sister..and friend to many...a person so consumed with online slots....it really was all I though about.....1st thing in the morning...and last thing at night..
And virtually every minute in between.....I went through the motions of a normal life....covering the basics to keep my sordid secret safe from those who mattered....bills went unpaid time and time again...my phone was silenced when others were around....post was virtually caught by me as soon as the postvan arrived....and actually any appointments or outings were planned around posties scheduled arrival....I had to be there.....to hide the post...
The lies....would be out of my mouth before I even realised it...
The hours spent sat in front on my laptop....just spinning those reels....nothing else mattered...
The money spent...just utter madness....the dysfunctional relationships will all who mattered...sad....so sad...
All of it....addiction. ...full blown and controlling me ...turning me into a person I never want to be again....I can still remember being that person.....the feelings that life would never be normal...I remember thinking....a good win would sort everything....clear up the bills....sort the house out...treat the family....have a holiday....etc etc..
Now I know .....my addiction actually stopped me from having all that....all of it was within my means....financially I could do those things. ....but I chose to gamble with it all. ...the crazy tangled mess of addiction. ..
We all know once the web has started to form....it just gets so complicted we just do what we know best...what we think will provide all the answers to all our problems....gamble !
Soooo....I took a stand...when my daughter rumbled me...and gave me a choice to sort it....or else !
Oh my....how I remember those early days.....the shame..the fear..the self hate. ..embarrassment. ..the guilt...just everything....how I wanted to run to my safe place. ...the slots...
The first time i called the helpline...trying to talk between the tears. ...the disgust at hearing what I was saying....an addict. ..me ..an addict. ..w*f. ...how did that happen. ..I'm just me...I'm not that sort of person....well...I was..I had somehow become a gambling addict....best call I've ever made....counselling...broken triangle. ..and my daughter by my side....and my journey began...
It was like wadding through sinking sand to start with...I remember my counsellor telling me...and showing me with a diagram. .."you're brain has 're wired itself to think gambling is ok....we have to now 're wire it back to the normal setting"..that
Stuck with me...and I pictured my wiring slowly returning to normal..
The steps of everyday life became easier. ...the bills were sorted...
Conversations were had with those who needed to know...and a light went back on in my life...
And very slowly the lights got brighter....and life's normal...
Simple things.....the postman. ..that took a long time to not feel sick at the sound of his van. ..the phone....now not a problem...
Relationships with those who matter.....all fine....and all because I'm not living a secret life...
The biggest thing....my confidence....in myself....to deal with things....to do things...to think things through....to be the best I can....it's back ...it's better...
Soooo ....all in all...life's great..it's what we make it....it's the choices we make....my journey is never going to be over....I'll never leave my addiction alone to sneak back up on me....I'll be watching for it to try and tangle my life again. ..
But ...for now...the steps of my journey are pleasurable and controlled by me....for me .
To all newcomers on here....who are feeling like I felt....
Take it one day at a time...and listen to the "older"posters on here....I did....and it saved me..
To the "older" posters on here...who picked me up when I landed here.....and you guys know who you are....I thankyou for simply being here....for the support ....the suggestions...the everything. ...
And now....I'm off to continue another normal day on my journey. ...delighted to say it's just another normal day in loxxies life..
Hard graft. ..honesty and consideration being shown to all ...and I'll not flinch if/when the postman calls. ....
Loxxie. ..1000 days gamble free....and darn proud of it ! xx

Fantastic words Loxxie. Now where is that cake!!!

Best wishes xx