Online slots - Rock bottom!!!

Well done Barney2909 for continueing to follow your progress on the forum, and getting the support from others. Recovery is a journey and it has its challenges and being honest about how you are feeling will help you get through the process and learn about yourself, and coping strageies which will work fror you.

Take Care

Forum Admin

Awful day, my 6mth old kitten was ran over and killed and my daughter will be beyond consolable. It just makes u remember that life is so sacred, this morning I was snuggling into that little baby happy as Larry and this afternoon we buried her. My life is too short to live in this misery. If something happened to me today, what would the last thing be on my mind? The people I love, probably not, probably thinking o*g, just think of the awful financial mess I am leaving behind for my loved ones to sort out because I was a total idiot taking in by promising of fun and fortune...pathetic isn't it? I am ashamed of me.

Sorry for the morbid post, I am feeling that way out today.

Thankyou for the post Em! Will read it properly when I can see past my tears :,(

Hi Diary,

Took a major step forward yesterday and 'permanently' excluded myself from the j ack pot joys and all its sister sites - the others i have self excluded for years. I fell off the wagon when the 'cool off' period expired, and my guard was down, never again! i realise this is no good to me as i am a CG and will never ever be able to stop chasing my losses.

Heres to 2017, i can not wait to meet you.

Hi diary,

Feeling low still, debts are awful and my car has decided that it's broken so need to borrow more £££'s to fix it. Need to give myself a shake !!!!

Hi Barney,

I'm on day 3 and like you I cannot wait until new year. It is spurring me on during these early days. My addiction is the online slots. In the past I have self excluded then just joined a different site. I can't do this now as I set up K9 on the laptop and asked my partner to change the settings to his email and to change the password. No gambling sites can now load up! I spent years hanging around bingo halls waiting for the sounds of full machines...that was in my 20s-30s. As I got older I couldn't be bothered going out so discovered online slots. They have been destroying me and the amount I gamble has x3 . No more for me my addiction is now out in the open.

Hi diary,

Thanks for your support Katie. I take a lot of comfort from reading others diaries on here and I am sorry I don't comment much, I guess I don't feel like I am in a place to offer any form of advice right now.

Still trying to get my head around how the hell I am going to get through the next few months with debts racking up, and with Xmas, and my blooming car !! I could just sit and cry ...

I have no thoughts of gambling, the thought of it sickens me. I have realised that I have never truly understood rock bottom until now.

Onwards and upwards....

PS. I meant that i take comfort from others diaries with the most respect, I don't take comfort from the fact that there is more than me been taking in by this horrible addiction. But I don't feel alone on here x

Hi diary

Still trying to get my life together, long journey ahead but I want my life back, I can't remember a time when I was able to book holidays, nights away buy gifts etc...because all my spare cash is spent gambling my last penny. No more - I hate the industry and I hate everything it represents.

Anyways, onwards and upwards

Hi Diary,

Phone never stops ringing from the companies I owe money to, and to the point I am now blocking their numbers. Payday Thursday so will pay back what I can. I am moving bank accounts in the new year...no overdraft, going to close my existing bank account and pay back the overdraft - my credit cards are already closed down and cut up....this is going to be so so tough but I will get through this, I never want to gamble again. I guess it's easier to say this when we have no money the real test comes when we are financially better off.

Feeling a little better though, I am changing my habit as in staying off my laptop, phone anything I used to gamble on. I've never physically walked into a bookies in my life! Just online slots that i destroyed my life with....

Cuddling a mulled wine whilst my amazing partner does some shopping online...chin chin!

Mel x

Hi Barney2909

Having all those debts and creditors chasing you sounds really stressful. Have you considered getting debt advice? There's good advice and links to expert agencies on our website: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/finance-and-debt-management

You haven't said whether you've installed any blocks on your laptop or home internet to prevent you being able to sign up for any new gambling accounts. You can find out more about this on our website: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software

Finally, you can always call our helpline 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the Netline. We can give you practical advice and we may also be able to provide free counselling.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Thanks Admin

No I haven't sought debt advice yet but I think I will be fine in the medium term (3-4 months) I will call the companies in the new year and sort out everything. I just want to get through Xmas and new year for now !

I haven't installed any blocks on my pc, I have just literally do not even open my laptop unless I need to pay bills. For me, I feel that I have to learn to break the habit completely. Gambling will always be around us. My new partner has no idea how much his whinging at me when i pic my phone up is saving me from addiction.

Hi diary,

Just looked at the clock and I am on day 13 - almost two weeks, I still detest gambling, still reflecting on how the heck I have got myself into such a mess but so grateful for the people in my life and I am starting to feel some sense of future happiness....long way to go financially but at least I am not throwing my money to a gambling site.

Payday tomorrow, all of it is spoken for as I spent money I didn't have in my crazed gambling life. Oh why I haven't i seen how destructive this way of life is until now...!! ? So much time lost also... I really am at rock bottom xx

Hi diary,

Day 14.

Two weeks of pure hell worrying about my debts, how I am going to pay the bills, little or no sleep...but the fire in me to kick this is raging more than ever.

It's payday today, and I get a bonus at work - will i get to enjoy any of it? Of course not 🙁

I heard this week that one of my friends dad had passed due to cancer, another friend roughly too weeks ago...the disease is horrific no matter what time of year but Christmas just seems a little more difficult to cope with as everyone is gearing up for time spent with family and is a happy occasion. So, that's it! This self pity in me is done, it's just not me either. I am spending too much of my life reflecting on what I have lost - no more, I will spend more time being grateful for what I have - and despite the horrendous debts I have a lot to be thankful for!!

Self pity - done! Positive attitude from now on...

X

That's the spirit barney; keeping going !

Day 18.

Still hanging on hating gambling! I had a nice weekend away with my daughter and partner. Not really feeling it as far as Xmas is concerned but i am happy to make the effort for the others ...I can't wait to see 2017