Our Struggles Make Us Stronger

Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax. During this half-hour, I will try and get a better perspective of my life

Sometimes my head goes 100mph and I can’t concentrate on one particular thing. This usually happens when there’s things needing done in the near future i.e. organising birthdays, arranging different work patterns, change in personal life etc. I’ve been having one of those days. I see all these things in front on me and my default response to this is to procrastinate. I know we must live one day at a time but it’s times like this when I don’t know if it serves me well.

I know I can be lazy, for example I bought a new set of bed/cot clothes for the nursery a couple weeks ago and they’re still in the packet. The weeds in the back garden have been growing and I haven’t went near them even though it would only take half an hour max. I’ve been planning to get baby photos of the little guy for a while but haven’t booked an appointment. I let the housework go for longer instead of doing smaller bits n pieces more often. Actually typing it down here I can see it doesn’t take long to do and I just need to stop procrastinating! In reflection these are all minor things and I’m just being a bit of a moan lol.

Still GF and looking towards 90 days a week on Sunday! I know this is a milestone in GA circles and I was informed that I’ll be chairing the meeting the next night! Of course it’s optional but I feel I’ve achieved a lot over the past 80 days that I will be discussing.

My outlook on life is generally good.

I’m a lot more hopeful of getting more time with the little guy.

Work is going well (and I’m not constantly on my phone betting!).

I’m back playing football which I love.

My social life is improving and I feel more comfortable in company now.

My self-confidence (which has taken a battering the past couple of years) is returning.

In general I’m feeling a lot better physically and mentally.

Well that’s enough of a ramble for today, maybe get the weeds done tonight lol!

There is a lot of positives in that last post Sam. Sure it may make a good discussion on the 90 day chair. Keep going Sam, great progress. Tri

Thanks for the kind comments Tri!

As soon as I got home last night I attacked the weeds in the garden. Took a little longer than expected but it's clean and clear now. I managed to snag my thumb on a thorn even though I had gloves on, I'm sure a few neighbours heard some foul language!

Very busy weekend ahead including work, football and the most important thing of all - spending time with my son. Haven't seen him from Tuesday and it feels like forever. The love I feel for the little guy is hard to put into words. I guess the best way to descibe it is unconditional.

So I finally got speaking to my ex on Monday, we had a nice chat for about an hour over coffee about a lot of things. All very friendly and productive so I hope to see some progress soon regarding more time with the little man.

Football still going well but I'm nowhere near match fit yet so plenty more work to be done! Work still going fine and I'm in the bar tonight again but it's all good. Looking forward to a quiet night in tomorrow which a chinese and netflix, pure Rockstar I am lol.

Nothing to report on the gambling front which is good. Looking forward to chairing my meeting on Monday night after hitting the 90 days. GA has become a sanctuary for me, a place to get all off my chest and receive the necessary help and support.

The sun is shining and I am gamble free!

Just a quick update. I helped chair my first GA meeting last night as I'd past the 90 days and really enjoyed it. Wasn't as many there as there has been since I started but it was a great meeting. The day count meant a lot to me early on the first few weeks but as time goes on it's becoming less relevant to me. It's nice to see the days racking up of course but as a wise man once said 'It's not about how far away you are from your last bet, it's how close you are to the next one.'

Keep moving forward

Congratulations on the 90 days a nice little milestone to hit. I know you know it but that’s only the start of this journey, no quick fixes. Keep going the way you are both on here and at GA, proud of the way you have been handling things, also great to see you offering supports around the forum.

JFT KTF

Thanks Martin much appreciated! You're right this is only the beginning of the journey of recovery but it's one I'm going to embrace. There's no final destination, one day at a time!

Hi Sam congrats on hitting 90 days a great achievement 🙂 just read your diary and it's pretty powerful stuff. The thing that shines through is your honesty, your emotions and the struggle. I can't imagine what it's like being apart from your son and ex partner but what will be will be. For some reason your story really hit home and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes over a mixture of emotions and similarities. I look at where you are now and I think it's an inspiration! After reading this and seeing you do this then I know I can as well. Thank you and keep gf! Well done 🙂

Congrats on 90 days Sam Crow!!!

Thanks guys!

New beginning I'm glad you found the diary helpful. I've no doubt if you stay on the road to recovery your diary will be an inspiration to others as well

Gratz on the 90 dude keep inspiring

So I sat down yesterday with the little man’s mum to discuss more access and overnight stays. We’ve come to an agreement that he will stay over with me this weekend and once a fortnight thereafter for the time being. Only catch is the week when I’m due to have him overnight I’ll only see him one other night during the week (this was her suggestion as she is going back to work and wants time with him too). She did say I’m welcome down to hers to see him anytime provided I call to make sure they’re in though. Still not 100% sure when and how long I’ll have him for the following week – something I’ll need to confirm with her. It’s a bit of a mixed bag as I’m delighted to finally progress things in a way but I’m worried about the 3,4 or 5 day gaps that could potentially appear when I don’t see him. I’ve got so used to seeing him every couple of days and I’m sure he has too. What’s important is what’s best for the little man. We booked his 1^st birthday party last week also! A couple of family members who live overseas can’t make it though which is disappointing but it is what it is. There will be plenty more birthdays I suppose.

I attended another great meeting at GA the other night. That place has been instrumental in my recovery and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without it. To be able to talk openly and honestly about things and listen to others sharing their experiences is very therapeutic. Every time I leave at the end of a meeting I feel fresh and rejuvenated, ready to face the world with the wisdom and advice I have just received.

The forum here has been very helpful also. I’ve gained some fantastic advice and support simply by reading and sharing. Some days I get more out of it than others and it’s also good to remember to give something back to those in need. After all we were all newbies at some point searching for help.

So that’s Day 100 gamble free for me. It’s just a number in truth and I’m more interested in how far I’ve come in recovery than the amount of days I’ve abstained. There are plenty more bumps in the road ahead and obstacles to overcome, of this I’m certain, but today I’m in a better place to face them instead of running away.

Keep moving forward

Well done on the 100 days. Thank you for sharing your recovery.

Well done Sam the century club awaits