Out in the open

Hi Rich great news you got some money back . See it as a fresh start and may I ask have you now closed your account down ? Forget loyalty points and any offers they may throw at you . Sorry to hear about the boredom , gambling is a big void to fill. Turn those binoculars the other way around and use them properly . There is so much more you can do than the dreaded G !

Thought it was time for a quick update. Thanks SELB7 and Vulture for the posts. Yes, closed the account down as well ... I'm a little dubious about the point to some extent, as there are always other sites you can join. The last time I had a binge, I actually joined and then banned myself from about a dozen sites (all the ones I thought I could trust to gamble with), but obviously missed a couple! I know I could get blocking software, but we have 4 i-pads, a couple of laptops and a few phones at home, plus I have access to other PCs and laptops via work. For me, not having the money to gamble is the safety net (as well as hopefully some willpower). Given my strange relationship with money, I've never had any debt, and don't have a credit history .. had a nightmare getting a small mortgage on that basis ... so don't think I could rack up the loans even if I wanted to (and I'd have to go big to recoup my losses ... don't have an interest in betting the odd tenner). Honestly had no temptation to gamble ... the odd fleeting thought about it, but no real urge. Hopefully that will continue, but I also get a lot of motivation from being on here, the 2018 Challenge etc, and from reading other diaries. My only problem with giving all my money to my partner is that she's a bit of a shopaholic and whenever I query anything now I get "you can't complain about what I spend, given your gambling" ... maybe correct, but still causes some stress.

Unfortunately we have very different views on money. Despite the gambling, I'm a bit of a tight Yorkshireman (my parents both still work in their 70s as they've never earnt a lot ... and my dad does/did gamble), so I like to save for a rainy day. Fortunately, despite the recent losses, it was money I'd been stashing away, so didn't go into debt or have an immediated impact on our quality of life. My partner's dad unfortunately died young, so she's convinced she'll never make it much past 50, so just wants to enjoy life now. I guess I used that to justify my gambling "if I don't use it, she'll just spend it, and at least I might win", but that's just an excuse. At the end of the day, better we spend it on doing nice things / the house / an Imelda Marcos sized collection of women's shoes, than I gamble it.

Had an offer of compensation from the company who withheld the return payment ... it was only around 0.25% of the funds they withheld. Would still have been a night out paid for, but I want to go to arbitration .... not really about the money, just want to understand their business practices (responsible gambling, delaying payments, customer service once accounts have been closed etc). Dubious about the outcome ... from the research I've done, the Gambling Commission seem to have little teeth and the arbitration service is linked to the industry, but we'll see.

Work still a struggle, and generally feeling a little down with life, but hopefully that's partly the weather / time of year. Certainly a lot more time without the gambling, and amazing how little you can actually spend and still have a nice time. My birthday today (not doing much, still not really in a celebratory mood) ... seems a bit sad wishing my life away, but already looking forward to next Xmas, and my next birthday, when hopefully I've rebuilt some savings, and the cloud of "guilt / if-onlys" has drifted away. One of my presents was the Russell Brand book on addiction, which has had a few good write-ups on this forum so looking forward to that. Actually have loads of books and magazines waiting to be read ... think my head has been so wrapped up in gambling (and then in not gambling) for the last few months, that I've not had the concentration span or clear head to actually focus on anything.

Still feel like all I can really do at the moment is get up, go to work, go to bed, but I guess that's not such a bad thing.

Apologies about the length of the post. Best wishes to all. Rich

Everything will come good mate you are definitely doing the right thing . I believe in you keep going

Thanks mate, much appreciated. Love the photo and the sentiment behind putting it on the site ... you’re offering great support to loads of people on here, and we all appreciate it. I’ll definitely keep going, and know you will too.

Thanks mate . You can do this . We both can do this . For me I don’t want to go back to the misery of it . I can never win because I can never stop . You have proven that yourself . We both seem to get a lot out of offering advice on here and I am sure you like it when people offer encouragement too.

Hi Rich how are you getting on ?

Getting on OK thanks. Still a bit of regret over the losses, but getting easier each day, and no temptation to gamble. Even been able to start watching a bit of sport again and just enjoying it, rather than thinking about what bets I would have had on. Taking a slightly perverse delight in spending very little. Looking forward to payday next week and seeing my bank balance jump up and have no concerns about wanting to bet any of it. Found out my sister, who is a teacher and supposedly been working full time, hasn’t worked for 2 years and has been drinking herself senseless every day .... addiction must run in the family! Not sure she really wants to stop though so could be a tough one. Makes me even more determined to get myself sorted fully, as my parents don’t deserve to be worrying about both of us. Must be a tough one being addicted to something where you have a physical as well as mental withdrawal. Thanks again for popping by. Rich

Hey Richard, thanks for your post in my diary as always. Pleased to hear it is getting easier and that you have no temptation to gamble. How’s your work been going lately? Sorry to hear about your sister. Scott.

Agree with Scott sorry to hear about your sister . Was happy you posted an update and can see you are positive about pay day . Haven’t worked out your posting patterns on the forum yet so was concerned you hadn’t put any update for a bit hence the post myself . We are virtually at the same stage so I have a connection that way and your story resonated with me . Plus you also seem like a great guy and supported me all the way and hopefully vice versa .Enjoy your weekend mate

Thanks Scott and Vulture, really appreciate the posts. Don’t really have any posting patterns, as sometimes feel like I don’t have anything new or interesting to say, but log in several times every day, and delighted to see you both going strong. Still regretting the losses, but not missing the gambling, and no desire to chase it back. Have a bit of man flu .. I blame Scott ... and miserable weather not helping general mood but all fine. My sisters issue kind of puts it in perspective ... i’ve lost money, but she’s lost her job and her health. I honestly don’t think she is ready to stop though ... last year she drove into a lamppost and got arrested for drink driving, but she blamed some medication as she’d only had one glass!! Work still a struggle ... need to get a new job ... due a bonus in a couple of months, and also going to Disneyland with kids, so going to plough on until Easter, and then see how I feel. Also a good motivation ... I can save quite a lot when I don’t gamble, so if (when) I behave for 3 months, won’t have an issue with spending money. Get paid this week so looking forward to bank balance jumping up, and feeling the benefits of not gambling. Had to escalate my complaint internally within bookies I mentioned before I can go to arbitration. Sent an 8 page letter with about 20 long queries about their responsible gambling policies, payment policies etc ... had a 10 line response today which only addressed a couple of the questions, and offer of a couple of hundred quid compensation ... extra money always good but turned it down ... just want to see their justification for allowing someone to open an account and deposit six figures in four days. Also realised I was already excluded from a sister site and account shouldn’t have been opened in first place. Genuinely not expecting to get much back, and part of me wants to move on from it all, but really want to see what justification they can come up with. Happy to be checking in on 2018 challenge again, and hope everyone else is hanging in there. Rich

Afternoon Rich. Thanks for posting again on my diary nice to see your positive thoughts coming through . Disneyland is that the Paris one or the American one ? We went to the Paris one two years ago and boy it was expensive . Imagine how I felt as a compulsive gambler having to pay £5 for a bottle of water or for an ice cream. You know kids they run on around 6 ice creams to the gallon ! Good times I am sure you will enjoy it especially if you do what I think you will and keep off the smack !

Off to the Florida one ... agree on Paris ..went a few years ago and £25 for burger and chips! Emma’s been before to US one reckons you get a villa near by and head back for a lunch break ... if we eat in the parks every day I’ll go through money quicker than an afternoon on the FOBTs! When I went to the Paris one, all the staff who were the animal characters and princesses etc were on strike!!

Sounds good Richard, hope you have a good break. Hehe yes about man flu, I clearly must have passed it on to you via my post....

I think it will be good when you can move on from it when you get a response as to the Withdrawal issue. Can then fully leave it behind you. Take it easy rich, Scott

It’s like that joke where your credit card gets stolen . You tell the credit card company not to cancel it as they are spending much less than the wife ! Florida sounds great . It’s definitly something to aim for being gamble free until then . With the support you have here and what you have already achieved (we forget that last bit sometimes as we are so impatient ) I’m sure you will be fine

Just a quick update, as it was a month ago today that I blew £48k and decided to come on here (I had known for a while that I had a problem, and had been on here on and off for months reading diaries but hadn't posted myself ... a lot of diaries mention that cg's need to hit rock bottom to quit, and I know that is the case). I'd actually been on a bit of a winning streak last year ... I was winning for a few days, knowing my luck wouldn't last, shutting the account and excluding, and not gambling for a few weeks. I did this half a dozen times, but I never did anything to stop myself opening an account with someone else (at one point, I opened an account with every bookie I could think of, and excluded myself, but at the back of my mind, I always knew there were others). Feel so much more determined this time ... have told friends and family what happened and got great support from people on here .... I look back and think why couldn't I quit while winning, but, in reality, I know that was never going to happen. I got a chunk of money back from the on-line company a week or so again ... I put it into my joint account (I also have my own account), and told my partner to move it into her account so I can't get tempted ... she hasn't actually done that, so don't know whether she is mega-flippant about money, has utmost faith in me, or wants to test me somehow ... I suspect it's the first one ... either way, I'll remind her again tonight, but I won't touch it.

There have been a lot of positives about stopping ...

1. I've spent next to nothing in a month ... I get paid Friday, and looking forward to seeing a healthy balance;

2. I've achieved more at work, although it is still a bit of a struggle to get motivated, as the business is struggling ... at least I'm giving it a good go though, and feeling a bit more pride in my achievements;

3. I haven't really been tempted ... again I think that is due to the size of the loss ... I'd lost £1,000s before in one day, but always gone back within the week ... it does genuinely feel different this time;

4. I genuinely feel part of a good community here ... thanks to everyone who has posted on my diary, but also to everyone who posts elsewhere ... I don't comment if I have nothing to add, but I do read just about every word posted on the forums.

My observation (for what it's worth) would be that there are 4 general types of diaries:

1. Those where people don't really want to stop gambling, they just feel bad when they lose .... that would have been me if I'd started a diary on any of the countless other times I'd "given up for good";

2. Those who have managed to stay gamble free for a long time and genuinely seem to have moved on from the urge / regrets;

3. Those who have been around a long time, have the odd relapse, but these are relatively small and they come back the next day and start again;

4. Those who post for a few months, disappear for a while (having relapsed very heavily) and repeat the cycle again and again.

I'm aware enough that I could end up being any of 2 - 4, and I'm determined to be 2!

I actually find some of the diaries in category 3 inspirational ... the ability to relapse, but start again at zero the next day, and tell everyone about it. I've had the odd thought of what harm would it be sticking £20 on the snooker or a first goal scorer, but I've seen how bad it feels to have to start again, and feel like you've let people down.

One thing I have become is a bit less judgemental, and I wouldn't criticise anyone ... we all have different levels of addiction, different mental healths, different support networks ... anyone who is on here has at least recognised they have a problem and are trying to do something about it.

I still have a couple of struggles - regret at the loss, and boredom sometimes ... maybe I even miss the actuall buzz of having a bet (even though it got to the point where I was shutting my eyes towards the end of a race, or when the cards were being dealt). I've spent the last month mainly "not gambling" ... I've been looking forward to getting to bed every night ... my challenge for the next few months is to focus on doing something productive with the extra time I now have.

Sorry for the long ramble!

Rich