Out in the open

Great post Richard. You are doing brilliant, really are. You have certainly helped me personally with my own gamble free time and I appreciate that immensely. I have to agree about the four types of diaries and I also feel that I could end up being in a couple of those, I don’t have any illusions about controlled gambling or doing it without triggers being blocked though, I have learnt that the hard way but relatively early on. Keep posting man... Scott

Congratulations Rich on one month gamble free.

I enjoy reading your posts. Your approach to recovery is honest, practical and realistic. You make no excuses, you accept responsibility for your actions and you are focussing on the best ways to move forward.

I believe it is useful to replace the gambling with other pursuits, things which give us pleasure and capture our inagination.

Your partner seems to have lack of understanding with regards to gambling addiction. Some people simply cannot comprehend the actions of a compulsive gambler. The absurdity of throwing money away, for the sake of a "buzz", does seem a bit ridiculous.

Wishing you well ...stephen

Great post Rich , may I add that you have also supported me and I wouldn’t be at the stage I am without your help . Glad you are over mourning the loss to a certain degree and focussing on things you now can control, not what you can’t control . Regards Bryan

Well done on a month GF. Another person that has thrown themselves into their recovery diary. Its good to see you thinking this out. Don't worry about "rambling". Its good to talk and i often find just writing what im thinking out then re-reading it puts a lot into perspective and normally answers a few questions i had.

Keep at it, just like life there will be ups and downs along the road.

Thanks for the posts everyone, and I’ve popped by your diaries. All fine on my front. Went to Doncaster races in Dec before my melt down and won 8 free tickets to Doncaster races today. Was thinking I could go and enjoy the day out with my mates and not bet, but decided I aren’t that strong mentally, so packed them off with my best wishes, told them my issue, and logged into here. Racing wasn’t actually my problem as I wouldn’t bet big ... problem was losing say £20, and deciding to win it back on blackjack when getting home drunk ... sometimes it worked, often it didn’t, but having put £20 a race on and felt like I was betting big, I ended up putting £10,000+ on a hand of cards. Think it’s just the online world that I couldn’t cope with, where the money didn’t feel real at all. It’s a big help coming on here though and reading the diaries as makes me realise that disaster is just around the corner if I let my guard drop. Having a few problems with the partner, who thinks my losses now mean she can spend what she likes and I can’t comment, but biting my tongue and seeing the funny side ... the DPD driver has just said my house is an in joke with all the delivery drivers with all the clothes and shoes that get delivered. At least we’re helping keep some people in work, and i’m Sure (ish) that some of them get sent back! Have realised how rubbish the TV is generally when not watching sport or gambling ... repeats of Come Dine with Me and Dad’s Army appear to be today’s highlights! Hope everyone else is having a more exciting weekend. Rich

Hey Rich, just had time to read your diary properly. You situation is very similar to mine - pretty big win, but bigger losses on Blackjack, told the wife today and she doesn’t really get it , support by taking over finances etc, but has said she needs me to go to councelling rather than her going through the detail. Just wanted to ask how you are doing and whether you ended up going counselling? Doesn’t sound like you have daily urges (similar to me) so wanted to understand if you went down the counselling route?

Thanks for the post. No, I haven’t done any counselling, although I’ve done a fair bit of reading around the subject. Obviously the gambling is triggered by a few different things, and I think it’s a combination of stress, boredom and feeling unfulfilled at work (and that I’ve wasted my potential career wise). I don’t know whether it’s a cop out ignoring the underlying issues at the moment, but basically I’ve decided to have 3 months where I focus on not gambling ... I’m not finding it too difficult ... my desire isn’t £20 on a horse or machine ... my desire is £20k on blackjack! Moving control of the finances has made this easy. I do think we’re in a similar boat, so I think that it’s great you’ve now owned up to the family. Although it feels really wierd not having control of the money, it’s the only way for me at the moment. I do get the odd urge for a big blow out, but I come on here, read a few diaries, and think back to how bad I felt last time. A few months down the line I might look into counselling (or get a more rewarding job!) but don’t think I need to yet. I’ve also looked into GA meetings, but I guess I’m one of life’s cynics, and can’t get my head around the Higher Power elements ... never made it through Russell Brands book on addiction on the same basis. I can understand your other half doesn’t want to go through the detail ... mine won’t either, and I respect their choice ... mine doesn’t really see it as an addiction, she just thought I got stressed, blew some money, but will earn it back through work. I’ve chosen to chat it through with a couple of mates and ramble on here. If you really need to talk it through in detail though, why not give counselling a go? If it helps, great. If it doesn’t, stop, but can’t really do any harm. Sorry for the long answer, but hope it helps, and keep in touch. Rich

Thanks Rich,

Yeah - to be honest me gambling 1k will not do anything - if I were to gamble I would be looking at putting in min 10k to get any buzz ...which is scary. Going to try counselling I think - I’m pretty bored with life at the moment...work is stressful but not fulfilling so may try an exit plan ...work hard for two years, makes as much as I can then do something I would enjoy. Will keep in touch!

Hi Rich . Thanks for posting on my diary glad you are still keeping this up . All good my side and you are right , I haven’t posted for a short time . No thoughts of gambling and no issues . Was conscious that like anything we do , it gets addictive . I know that’s twisted logic for an addiction help site . So with that in mind I have not used this as an emotional crutch and spent quality time away from this . I’m not walking away from who I am or from anyone on this forum . As I stated before everyone is great and obviously I will keep coming on here , it’s working so far . Just trying to not constantly remind myself every day about my issues and to be honest I do forget about gambling more . Like I said of course I will still be here , just trying to space out the time before visits . Keep in touch keep posting . I have realised there is no rule book or manual to your own personal recovery . As long as what you doing is working , you set your own counsel with regards to the level of dependency you need .

All going OK. Had a stressful day at work, and a few disagreements with the owners of the business about what they are trying to do with it. Until recently, I would have stood my ground and probably won the argument, but ended up very stressed ... my release would have been a game (or a few hundred games of blackjack). Yesterday, I just went with the flow ... maybe a little cowardly, but I decided my personal state of mind was more important ... if they want to waste money on things and cause the business undue stress, it's their call. Only difference now is that I won't worry about cleaning up the mess left afterwards. Looking back, gambling was very selfish ... however, I think its important to be a little selfish in the recovery as well. It's impossible to make amends / win back money / get back lost time immediately, and hopefully now I've realised there is no point trying. Cliche but still one day at a time, and so far so good. Continuing to focus on rebuilding savings prior to an Easter trip to Disneyland ... got paid last week ... haven't gambled (or even spent) any of it.

Hey Richard, Sorry to hear about the stressful day at work. Are they trying to justify unnecessary expenditures? Well done on not gambling bud after the frustration, pleased that you stayed gambling free. Looking forward to break? Scott

Alright rich how's thIngs today?well done on getting to 39 days they are adding up very fast and not too far away from 50 days!

Thanks for the support on my diary bud u are dead right about small bets I know myself that it would be wrong and I'd only end up spiralling out of control and start upping the stakes and then eventually chasing losses until all is lost,that would undo over 100 days of hard earned money,I won't give in to these thoughts but I know thel always be there tempting me especially with the football being on every day.im glad you didn't look to gamble after your disagreements at work so well done for not giving in yourself.

Hi Rich . Just popped by to say hi and well done so far on your abstinence . Regards Bryan

Thanks for the posts everyone. I'm doing fine, and no desire to gamble, although do have a severe case of man flu ... very strange, but it seems to have given me a pain in the jaw and teeth, as well as usual cough and cold ... still feel a whole lot better though than I did 40 days ago! Scott, to answer your question, problem with bosses at work is that they can't really be bothered with the business as they've made lots of money previously (well the father has, and the son is capable of borrowing six figure sums ..wish I got that pocket money). As such, they turn up a couple of days a week at most and want to try and short-cut everything ... basically they just want to sell the business, but can't as its losing money, so have loads of wild ideas to try and turn things around quickly. We are making progress nice and slowly through boosting profits and cutting costs (haven't had to make any redundancies, but haven't replaced anyone who has left) ... net result is we are about 30% down on staff from last year, so more work and fewer people. Slightly demotivating to think that actually doing well and getting the business profitable probably ends up with the business being sold to a larger company, and most of us being made redundant! Oh well, would probably give me the rocket up the backside to get a better paid job anyway. I'm a rugby league fan - have supported Castleford for years - really looking forward to the season starting this week, and actually watching a game without thinking about what bets I have on (so just wanting us to win, without thinking about handicaps, first try scorers etc). Looks like I'm heading to the Ombudsman with my complaints, as the on-line bookie involved "hasn't got any answers to my questions yet", despite having received my detailed complaint nearly 3 weeks ago ... think they are struggling to answer my questions around responsible gambling, how I could open an account when excluded from their sister site, how games have a "re-bet and double stake" function, but no "re-bet and halve stake" etc. My best mate from uni rang yesterday (he lives in London, I'm in Leeds), so fessed up about why I hadn't been in touch for a while, and that my head had been in a bad place. Turns out he'd spent a while in the Priory a couple of years ago, so understood exacty what I was saying ... amazing how many people have their own problems, when everything looks great to an outsider ....only plus point for him had been that he was in the room next to Gazza! (I would assume most people who have been in the Priory end up next to Gazza at some point!). January down, lets crack through February as well everyone! Rich

Well done Rich mate, keep it nice and steady pal

Wilsy