Out in the open

Hey Rich, well done mate. Sounds like you are making the right decisions. Better not to add to the stress by putting a bet on and then trying to chase it!

I must have passed my man flu onto you digitally Richard, apologies... not good regarding the work situation and their attitude to it all, not good at all. That’s great that you could open up to your friend. How has your weekend been? Scott

Good luck mateHi mate well done that's the tough one getting through when it's a sport you love, but in fact we liked the sport before betting. I am the same with the football and each time a game is on you should just enjoy it.

Good luck mate and keep going

Soz for the b*m steer on the book 🙁

I did wonder earlier if perhaps it would be too full on for people in the early stages. If it helps any, I’ve been round here for a while now & am only just getting my head round the depths of my addiction...I totally didn’t get why I needed GA or anything other than this site when I 1st came here & actually it has kept me clean.

If I may just say, please, just keep an open mind...Abstaining wasn’t enough for me like it is for some people & knowing there are other options is part of finding your way. Since opening up, I have been absolutely gobsmacked to realise quite how many people are fighting their own demons...I guess, everyone has a story!

Good skills opening up, it’s strength like that which will give you the upper hand in this fight - ODAAT

Thanks everyone for posting, really appreciate everyone's support.

Kelly - no issues on the book - my partner bought me it without any prompting, so I blame her! I know exactly what you are saying, and I will definitely keep an open mind. Looking through loads of diaries, its clear that will power alone doesn't win out in most cases, and I'm not arrogant enough to think it will for me. Indeed, I was sat at work this morning feeling ill with man flu, and thinking a game of black jack might cheer me up ... fortunately I snapped out of it and have logged on here and been stengthened by all the comments above, so thanks again everyone. Just shows temptation will always be there.

At the moment, lack of money is making it quite easy. I've already saved a fair bit in the last 6 weeks, but not enough to give me the kind of stake I got used to! I've been a bit reluctant to transfer to my partner, as we've had a few disagreements on the save / spend front, so partly that is my motivation ... I need to be able to trust myself so I can be allowed some money of my own!

I feel like I've done quite well on the not-gambling front so far, but I don't think I've yet channelled the time and energy into anything positive, so need to work on that once I'm feeling a bit better. At the moment, I'm getting perverse satisfaction about spending next to nothing ... one of next steps is to try and re-develop a normal relationship with money where I'm able to start spending on buying things / going out again. Like a lot of people in the diaries, I've historically skipped lunch to save £2, and then gambled £2,000 in the afternoon. I also need to be a bit more in the present, rather than thinking "can't wait until Xmas when I'll be a year gamble free and have £x in the bank" ... always had a bit of an issue enjoying the present, rather than thinking about the past or stressing on the longer term. Rich

Hello Richard. Hope your happy and well.

Congratulations on 50 days without gambling. That puts a fair bit of space between you and that last bet.

It is a shame you still have these ongoing issues with the online bookmakers but it's good that you are bringing them to book providing it doesn't adversely affect you.

Hope your over the flu and your mouth/jaws not still hurting. You'll need to be in good voice this afternoon cheering on Castleford.

Thank you for the supportive posts on my diary. My recovery has really faltered recently and I have had to get rid of abstainer. He was a nice chap but wasn't cut out for the challenges that face a recovering gambling addict. I have called upon the services of Stephen the Strong who hopefully will get this gambling malarkey sorted out.

Take care ...stephen

Thanks for the post Stephen the Strong ... I'm sure the new personna will do great!

All ticking bye for me. Get the odd urge at strange times ... went to get some stuff from the supermarket yesterday, partner and kids were down at her mums, found myself walking past 3 bookies and thinking I deserved an hour of blakjack .... then thought "what's the point" and then "can't go back to zero on Gamcare" and then "wonder if there are any new Pokemon around" ... I always need an obsession, so helping my 8 year old fill up his Pokedex isn't a bad one!

Was actually more tempted late last week. Had an argument with my partner (or more accurately she argued, I said nothing and went to work). For years we've had a joint account, although only I have ever put anything into it ... I did it partly to keep lumps of money out of my current account, thinking I wouldn't touch it if she could see it. When I had my big melt down, I did take some out of it, but fortunately I had most of it to come back. Several weeks later when they paid up, I asked her to move it into her own account to remove all temptation ... she did after a couple of weeks ... not sure whether she left it in there to test me, or something, but it's gone now. Anyway, been saving up the last few weeks, wanting to have some money back in my own account, particularly with a trip to Disney at Easter ... been great to see how I can rebuild my savings with no gambling and a couple of paypackets.

Anyway, my partner demanded to know why I hadn't put anything into the joint account since Xmas. I tried to explain that I was getting some sense of satisfaction out of seeing my account grow for a few months, and she said she isn't able to save that much, so wants me to hand money over to her each month. On the one hand, you could say that it's a good thing leaving me unable to gamble at all. However, I do feel that I can trust myself, and I aren't looking to end up with a large sum in my account, just enough so I can pay for days out/ meals out etc, without having to ask for some money back. I actually thought "if I'm going to end up with no money of my own for the rest of my life, I might as well have a gamble, as worst case, I end up in exactly the same situation"! I know its not quite that straightforward, and I didn't gamble, but the closest I've been in the last 50 days.

I wonder how people find the balance? There are those on here who have no access to money whatsoever and seem comfortable with that. I'm not sure I can end up in that place ... I guess I know that if I have a blow out again, I really can't ever have money accessible again, but that's been a large motivatory factor in not gambling and trying to get some normality back.

Not sure why I don't feel comfortable handing over the bulk of my money each month ..male pride? Concerned that my partner will just spend it on her shoe collection or random stuff for the house? Worried that my safety net has gone in case I lose my job?

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, but gambling does lead to a strange relationship with money and tricky to know how to handle these things going forwards.

Anyway, still getting along OK and still gamble free ... maybe the "honeymoon period" is over, and I'm just trying to figure out what happens longer term.

Cheers

Rich

Thanks for the post on my diary much appreciated. My wife said last night she is proud of me for not gambling which meant the world to me . Just read your last entry , your mind is playing tricks on you wanting to gamble . For what it’s worth you need to play ball with your partner and conform to her requests . I don’t think she is being unreasonable what you are doing now with transparency is working , don’t jinx it !

scottHey richard, interesting last post. I completely understand where you are coming from. My money situation has now changed in that I am lookng after my money again albeit with her checking my account statements. I have started investing again also to try and build back my freedom fund, it will take a long time but i am committed to doing this... i know some might think you are risking thigs doing this, but seriously with whats going on right now. Its not going to happen. And if it does, i will be rightly to blame. Hows work going bud?

Scott

Was planning a quick update, but fear it might turn into a ramble (actually typed gamble there at first ... freudian slip!).

Not been updating my diary much, as don't have anything interesting to say. Gamble free, and not having many temptations. Work (and life as a whole) seems to be a bit of a dull slog ... just hoping that as weather picks up and evenings get lighter that I can pick my spirits up a little. Been considering going to GP for some anti-depressants but going to hang on without for a bit longer. Watching sport and gambling was my escape previously, so still feel like there is a bit of hole in my life. Read about this in a few diaries, after the initial determination and counting the days the honeymoon period of being gamble free ends ... guess I'm just in that rut, but certainly won't be gambling as I've had enough of the industry ... so, on with the rant.

I realised in early Jan that I was actually self excluded from the site where I lost all the money. I had actually excluded from another site about a month before, and it had given me a list of other sites I was also excluding myself from. I didn't pay much notice at the time, but I now realise that ***fair was one of them, as it has common ownership with ***** Power.

So, I sent a long letter to ***fair with around 20 questions, some around why I didn't get paid out for a month, but others around there responsible gambling procedures, and also specifically how they had allowed me to open the account in the first place. After a few weeks of being told a reply was "coming soon", I escalated internally in accordance with their complaints procedure - this was on 16th January. I have had 5 weeks of being told I would get a response "shortly", but have received nothing ... clearly they can't say "yes, you shoud have been excluded" as then they would need to void the bets and send me some money back.

So, the next step in their complaints procedure is to escalate to IBAS, the industry arbitration service, which I did this week. Turns out they are funded by the bookies and are only allowed to look at queries on individual bets (eg I got paid out at 4/1, when it was 5/1 when I placed the bet etc). They are not authorised to look at responsible gambling, customer service issues etc ... in other words, they are 99% pointless.

So, I contact the Gambling Commission who then say they are not empowered to look at individual complaints, just systematic failures. How can they decide if a bookie or the industry is acting systematically wrong if they don't investigate individual complaints and see if there are common patterns?!

So, I'm left with going down a legal route. The money would be handy, but I am more annoyed by the principle of how they can simply decide to ignore a complaint and hope the customer gives up, knowing the arbitration service and Gambling Commission is a waste of space. On the latter, they fined one the big street bookies a record amount this week for ignoring responsible gambling and money laundering policies ... sounded good, but the fine was less than 1% of their annual profits, so no doubt financially they are much better off promoting "irresponsible gambling" and taking the odd fine.

In two minds about the legal action. Been in some court cases before through work (as an independent expert, rather than in the dock!) and it is very time consuming and stressful. On the other hand, feel like if no-one takes a stand, they'll keep behaving in the same way.

Told you it was going to be a ramble, but wanted to get it off my chest, and this is my "go to" place for a moan!!

Hope everyone is doing well and I still follow all the diaries every day, and hope to see my Gamcare friends doing well.

Rich

Hi rich . Try contacting the website Justice for punters they helped me get over £7k of winnings back . It’s worth a try before you go to any costly legal action . Glad you are still off it and me the same , have exactly the same thoughts as you regarding flat lining ! Keep in touch

Congratulations Rich on 10 weeks gamble free.

You are coming to terms with your gambling past and recognise the need to move on.

Hopefully I can follow the example set by friends like yourself who have kept going forward.

Apologies rich I posted my diary in the wrong place and removed it from here . Not heard from you for a while was wondering how you were getting on ?

Hi Bryan,

I've posted on your diary ... plodding along gamble free, although it is a bit of a slog. I don't miss the gambling, although I suppose it did give a bit of a buzz to liven up the day. Have a trip to Disney over Easter, and then need to get myself something more rewarding workwise, as have fallen into a pit of apathy ... still it pays the bills, but can't go on like that for the next 20 years!

I still continue to battle with the bookies. Having waited for two months for a reply as to why they had taken a month to pay me out, and questioned their money laundering and responsible gambling policies, I reported them to the Gambling Commission. Actually had quite a good response from the latter ... not necessarily about getting me any money back, but about the bookie having breached all sorts of regulations. They have asked for more details and may levy a substantial fine if my experience is reflective of wider practice. Think the bookie picked the wrong person when not replying to my complaint (which was more a book than an email), and assuming I would lose interest and go away ... they didn't realise how bored I am generally and how much time I have on my hands ... if I had an exciting life, they'd definitely get away with it, but causing them grief is now a way of passing the time, and hopefully stopping them treating others the same.

Also developed a slightly strange obsession with Pokemon Go ... used to be my 8 year old dragging me out when I would rather be gambling, not I'm dragging him out when he'd rather be watching the tele! Still, since we started last July, we have walked nearly 1,000 km, so it's good for both our waistlines if nothing else (although our walks do tend to end up in a cafe having hot chocolate and muffins, so maybe not that good).

Cheltenham this week, which used to be a big highlight of the year. Fortunately not even that interested, as haven't been following the form for the last few months, so can let it go by. Normally go out with some mates for a big session of drinking and gambling on the Friday afternoon of the festival ... I am actually going along still, but the people I go with, know what the score is with my gambling, so they won't put any pressure on me, and I won't bet. I'm fully comfortable with the fact that even if a won a few hundred, it could trigger me into losing tens of thousands with the on-line blackjack etc, so no temptation ... was going to stay home, but actually haven't been out for a few pints for months, so looking forward to the social.

Hope anyone who reads this is doing well, and sorry for not having anything more interesting to say!

Cheers

Rich

Hi rich nice to hear you are gamble free. Keep fighting the bookies i really hope you have success . I really hope that the races is a good idea for you . I guess it’s the acid test , not sure if I would put myself there but you can’t hide away for ever . Make sure you update before during and after