Out in the open

Congratulations Rich. Almost 80 days since you last gambled for financial gain.

You are obviously a man of many talents who likes to get his teeth into things and enjoys a challenge. Life in itself is a gamble, it can be full of interest and a lot of fun. You have a loving family and share good times with your son.

Abstaining from gambling can often leave people in a quandary. How does one fill the vaccuum left by not gambling? Maybe it can take a while in adjusting to a gamble free life.

My mind goes back to May 87 and a popular record by U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.

I have spoke with the tongue of angels - I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night - I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for - But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Wishing you well in your noble quest. Fight for your life and don't take any prisoners...stephen

Hi Bryan/ Stephen,

Thanks for the posts - really appreciate it. Stephen - loved that album, used to get played a lot at uni (that's ageing me).

So, still gamble free and eventually the bookies have capitulated. Not entirely sure why, as they never answered my complaint... clearly they won't put anything in writing that could create some kind of precedence for others. Having stone-walled for months, I got an email saying they would refund all my net losses with them if I dropped my complaint! They then sent the funds next day ... just shows what they can do when they want to! I can only assume that they have done it on the basis of breaching responsible gambling rules because either they let me deposit c.£100,000 in less than a week without asking any questions and/or I may even have been excluded from them, having been excluded from one of their sister sites. Taken a couple of months of constant emails etc but perseverence has paid off (however, not planning myself on trying to recover the losses I have suffered with countless other bookies and on the FOBTs, think the circumstances here were very different to my previous methods of a constant trickle of losses, rather than catastrophic flood).

Anyway, financially better off, and I can stop beating myself up a little, but 100% recognise I'm still a gambling addict, and need to be extra cautious now. To that end, I've already transferred the money I got back to my other half and will continue whole heartedly with this site.

Bryan - will definitely let you know how I get on watching the races on Friday, but won't be gambling. Feel relief rather than triumph at getting money back, and don't want to end up in that boat again. I've always felt that a relapse for me would be pretty disastrous, so have huge respect for people like Stephen who can relapse for a day or so and then immediately come back fighting.

Just need to divert the energy I've used fighting the bookies into something more longer term productive.

Cheers

Richard

Wow fantastic news . You certainly got out of jail but definitely see this as a fresh start and focus on your mental side now the financial side has healed . I’m really pleased for you that you managed to get back your loss . Think about this , the stress of losing it all, the sleepless nights , self loathing , lying . Now you have got back to where you were after all the weeks of stress and pain. And where are you ? Probably exactly the same place money wise . The same where you would have been had you not gambled . Doesn’t make sense does it . All that feelings and pain you had , what for ? For nothing . Think about that . I certainly am and it makes me even more resolute to never go back to it . What did it actually give you ? Keep in touch, your friend Bryan

Hi Bryan

You’re absolutely spot on ... i’ve had the best case result of break even after lots of stress, guilt and sleepless nights and honestly don’t think I’ll forget how low I was this Xmas. I’ve been lucky to be able to lose some of the guilt but that’s all. Also made me realise what a horrible industry we’ve all been dealing with ... clearly they knew they were in the wrong all along, but just waiting for me to give up ...I guess the obsessive personality came good in the end. Thanks for all the support ... would have given up chasing down the bookies and the to gambling long before now without you, Stephen and others on this forum. I feel like I’ve had a good break, but it will mean nothing if I just shovel it back to someone else. Will raise a glass to my Gamcare friends at 3.30 tomorrow when I watch the Gold Cup go off with some good mates, enjoying the race, and not caring what wins !

Rich

Just make a promise to me and yourself that you will look at this as a new start . You are an intelligent guy and could get access to that money . You said yourself that your Mrs wasn’t that controlling over the money. Lock it away and tell her any loophole you may have had to get it . Then it’s one massive thing that won’t come into your head and won’t drive the cogs in your gambling brain. Have a great time and look forward to hearing from you in due course

Your doing really well Rich.

Tell the missus that money is for her to go shopping than you definitely won't get your hands on it. Lol.

Hi Bryan ... promise you it’s a new start ... feel lucky to be able to wash away a little of the guilt, but can’t wash away i’m an addict and need to beware. Money used to be in a joint account, rather than my own as told myself I would never touch joint account money (even though I was the only one who contributed to it) .. realised on that one night it wasn’t the case, so now in emma’s own account band can’t get it if I want to. Great day watching races, no bets from me and would have lost if I had as all my fancies lost.

Stephen .. new name is suiting you well, so make sure you keep sticking to it. You’re a huge part of this community, and we all want to see you winning against the addiction.

Cheers

Rich

Good stuff Rich you know where I was coming from with that . On past performance you could be back in the doo doo in one nights work . Don’t be another statistic I’m sure you have learnt from last time . Was also thinking about you today at the Races . I know that wasn’t really your thing at the end but it’s still putting yourself out there in a gambling environment . Well done for not gambling that’s real progress .

Hey rich, sorry I haven’t been around for a while. I have had a fair bit to deal with and haven’t had much time to spend on here. I am absolutely thrilled for you that after all the effort and patience from you, they have returned your losses. Does this mean you have broken even in total or just on this particular site? How much has this netted you? No need to share obviously if you don’t want too. I would say, be very very careful rich - now is going to be the kind of time and situation where you could slip into old habits, be very mindful of that as I am sure you will. Take care bud, look forward to catching up more frequently now. Scott

Hi Scott, Delighted to see you back and glad you’re still gamble free, although sorry to hear about your auntie.

They refunded my net losses back on that site, so I broke even with them. I’d had a few decent wins with them (£5k ish) and then blew £48k in one go ... all the betting was in space of a few days ... so net losses were a pretty significant amount. Absolutely aware I could slip back, so transferred it all to my partner less a bit to mean I can go out and spend what I want without worrying (but not enough to have a real gamble).

Had won a good chunk online earlier in the year, with different bookie, so I guess i’m up online ... spent that on a new car and some work on house as know it’s a bad idea having chunks of spare money. Prior to the last year though it was all done in cash or the occasional card at bookies, so impossible to really track losses ... all I can say is that I can remember lots of bad days on the FOBTs but not many good ones, so would have been heavily down. Whilst I really think they should limit the FOBTs, online is riskier for me ... my bank used to block my card after £1k on it in a day (never had a credit card, so it’s just debit) and I can only withdraw £1k cash in a day ...a bad day would be £2k max, and i’d get embarrassed and leave before then ... much less shameful doing it sat in alone, and my bank seemed happy with me spending £100k inside a week.

Apologies of detail isn’t helping anyone out there. Scott ... didn’t know if you might have an angle to try and get something out of them on the responsible gambling/ money laundering front, given size of your deposits? I suspect the clincher in my case though was that I was excluded from their sister site ... if you google it, amazing how many of the online bookies are basically the same entity, even when they have completely different brands, marketing etc. Lot of money to me, but obviously peanuts to them, so it was only when I got the gambling commission involved and threatened legal that I think they took it seriously.

Rich

That’s fantastic rich, so that’s over £40k returned? How has your wife reacted to it all. I am not really sure if I could pursue them with my loss, it was all with smarkets.

Hi Scott,

Slightly less than that, but in the ball park! She has always been a bit perverse with the whole thing ... initially she sympathised with the bookies and said I should feel bad getting money back which I'd lost as a result of my own stupidity! .... I did explain that they wouldn't have paid it back if they didn't feel they had done anything wrong, plus it was a huge amount to us, but probably a minute's profit for them. Oh well, don't think she'll feel bad when she starts spending it. Money is obviously massive, but most important thing is I can hopefully put it all behind me now, whilst mindful that a relapse is just around the corner. The last few months have also been a real eye opener around how the industry works, and its not good. One post I read rang true ... we're all paying for some fat cat's kids to go private school .... going to make sure I aren't paying any of those Eton fees! Now need to put the same vigour into sorting my career out ...

Rich

Nice one Richard don’t give them a penny back . By the way never knew where you are based ? I’m in sunny Staffordshire

Hi Bryan,

I'm up in Leeds, so can definitely pop down later in the year and hopefully celebrate how things have moved on for us.

All good with me, although about to have an interesting meeting. My boss has invested in a business, and they are looking to raise some further money ... unfortunately for them, they have a company of a dozen Chiefs and no Indians, and Rothschilds have basically said "we might be able to raise you some money but need to see you business plan, financial model etc", none of which they have. I have been invited to their board meeting "to advise them" ... I'm not daft, they're going to try and pressure me to do it, given none of them are used to doing any real work, and are more focussed on who can turn up in the most expensive car. Daft thing is, in past I might have thought "do it, make a few quid, have a gamble". Now I can think "don't take on an impossible task (given they all have different ideas about what the business is going to do), save a world of stress, and don't try and make a load of rich people even richer, while getting peanuts myself and then feeding the crumbs to an online casino".

One of them even had the cheek to call me last week and suggest that I had "a very intensive eight weeks ahead articulating his vision" ... I played along a bit but told him I'm off to Disneyland in a fortnight ... he suggested I had to cancel it! Can you believe some people ... this is someone I'd never actually met, and never agreed to do any work for, and who had offered me no money, and then expected me to cancel my kids trip to Disney ... a few home truths about to be told ... god knows how I would have handled it with a fuzzy blackjack head on!

Rich

Sounds like a bit of a mess there Richard . I’m sure you will soldier through it . With regards to location I could always get the train over to Manchester and meet there , could ping over my details through the administrator on here . My side everything ok , meeting up with a friend who I haven’t seen for 12 years who is recovering through AA. Seems we will have similar things to talk about , that’s tonight