Out in the open

Hi Bryan.

Definitely love to meet up, and Manchester would be great, haven’t been out there in donkeys, so ping your details off when you get chance.

Not much to update for me ... off to Disney at the end of the week for a fortnight with the family. Really looking forward to seeing some sun and having a good break from work ... haven’t had more than a week off at any one time in about twenty years!

Still gamble free, although have to be on my guard. Had a stressful day at work yesterday and a row with my partner, so thought I should treat myself to a game of blackjack. Fortunately I realised that I had excluded myself from just about every site I could think of, and I didn’t want to let people on here down, so thought better of it ... amazing how it creeps up on you though. I decided I had to get away from the various laptops etc so went for a long walk and caught some PokГ©mon for my 8 year old ... when the phone battery died I’d walked 14.6km and still had to get a long way back again ... I hadn’t trusted myself to take my wallet so couldn’t get a taxi ... oh well, 3 hours of fresh air much better than 3 hours blowing my money. Can understand though how some outside stress or upheaval can trigger gambling again, so going to make sure I keep my emotions on an even keel. Hope everyone who reads this is doing well, and without Bryan, Stephen, Scott and others checking up on me, I would definitely have had a dabble the other night, so thanks to all in the forum.

I echo other advice on here ... ultimately you need to address the mental and emotional part of why we gamble, but whilst doing that, in the short term it’s invaluable to have blocks in place. On my walk I tried to remember every site where I wasn’t banned, and excluded as soon as I got home (longwinded thing joining and then excluding, but hard to do blocking software when around a dozen PCs, laptops and phones in house.

Had a call from bank questioning unusual activity in my account eg I’d paid for an Esta for US in dollars (only about a tenner) ... strange that they didn’t mind me shovelling £100k to an online bookie in 72 hours!

Cheers

Rich

Hi Rich nice one for the update , so glad you got through your wobble , you know you owe it to yourself and your family to rise above it . Again you need to ask yourself the question , what benefit does gambling give you ? The stress in life will always be there in one form or another . It’s hard I know but you definitely did the right thing by not gambling the blocks are there for a reason .Have a great time in Disney land I will send my details through as I read on this forum that you can’t publish your email address on here I don’t think

Big congratulations on reaching 100 days !

Congratulations Rich on 100 days gamble free.

Wishing you and your family happy adventures in Disney.

Whoop Whoop - 100 days congratulations!!
Happy holidays! x

Thanks Bryan, Stephen, Little Miss Lost, much appreciated.

Doesn’t really seem like a huge milestone hitting 100 but much more relaxed generally now than when I was betting.

Disney good, lovely to see the sun, although we have apparently hit the busiest week of the year ... it’s heaving everywhere. Also lucky I got my cash back from the bookies, given the cost of a burger, chips and drink in the park! At least it’s better than Euro Disney when I went a few years ago ... all the people who dressed up as the characters were on strike! Will give a bigger update when i’m back, but hope everyone is well and gamble free.

Rich

Great to hear from you , glad it’s going well catch up with you when you get back

Hello Rich,

Well done on smashing past 100 days. Hope the break is going well, i read your diary regularly sounds like things are going pretty well in contrast to where you began. Have a good weekend!

All the best.

Hi Rich

Welcome back from USA , thanks for the post on my diary . Definitely worth reading your back story and staying active on the site . Don’t change things if it’s working for you. It’s easy to forget the suffering that we put ourselves through and try and walk away and think we are cured . It’s not doomsday but we have to understand that our addiction is a cunning little devil and will try and get us gambling again if we let it. Well done on your 118 days , that’s a great number and hopefully I will always be just one day behind you on that number !

Hello everyone.

Don't know what happened, but put a couple of long posts on here last week and they have disappeared (or I forgot to save them, which is more likely .... or I got bored of trying to prove I wasn't a robot and couldn't accurately tell the difference between a pedestrian and a road sign).

Anyway, still gamble free, although I do get tempted, usually at times of stress ... I think it's partly the release/ escape, but also I do try and get money (which is daft as I don't really need it). I guess I've struggled to get motivated for work in the last few years, which is probably partly laziness and partly some type of depression (I don't really like to use the last word, as I know it comes in so many forms, and I don't want people to think that I am comparing my general apathy towards life to people who are really really struggling out there).

Anyway, my boss has invested in a business which is a bit of a mess (good ideas, but lots of chiefs and no indians, and no real structure). They need a business plan and financial model doing and I've been trying to avoid to getting embroiled. I got forced into a meeting where I tried not to win the work, but asking a pretty high hourly rate, and insisting I could do when/ where I wanted, rather then agreeing fixed hours). Unfortunately they agreed, so I now have a lot more work to do! Should hopefully leave less time for any gambling demons, as they've come sneaking back into my head.

Just wanted to let people know that it's a struggle sometimes, as people might read this and beat themselves up for not "doing as well at beating it" ... I fully empathise with anyone who has lapsed and don't have any element of moral high ground.

Seen a few lapses happen recently for people who have been well into three figures on gamble free days, so feel for you, and try not to beat yourselves up too much.

My last email (that didn't save) had lots of reflections in my time at Disney ... in short ... very busy but enjoyable and great to just get away for a while ... kids loved it, which was main thing, although my 6 year old has obviously got my cynical gene:

8 year old .... "only half an hour queue to see Mickey Mouse ... that's great, can't wait to get a photo with him"

6 year old ... "I'm not queuing half an hour to see someone who works for Disney wearing a costume. They'll probably smell given how hot it is and wearing that costume"

Need to try and get more of the 8 year old attitude into my own general outlook!

Take care everyone.

Rich x

Good to hear from you Rich, sounds like you set the bar too low with the work huh? lol.

Glad you enjoyed the time away with the family.

Hope recovery can help you deal with things over time. It's a great healer just gotta give it a chance, and you very much are.

Take care, all the best.

Hi Rich good to hear from you . Stress of life and work will always be there , it’s how you choose to let it manifest itself that’s the difference between people . Totally agree with the depression word . I wouldn’t want to label myself with anything like that as it is almost an insult to people who have had it medically diagnosed . I can just say what we have done over the years wouldn’t lead to happiness all the time if you know what I mean ? I know I haven’t been the happiest when gambling , it has to take its toll somewhere and I don’t think I have a higher threshold than the next guy . In fact I don’t properly understand what clinical depression is or what the symptoms are . So you have a complete right to state that you have suffered in some capacity and whatever label you chose , it may or not be right . So I’m going to call it Gampression . The state of mind when you lose all of your money time after time , act like things are normal and try and function daily like nothing’s happened ! My new word for the day ! Speak soon , Bryan