Out of the shadows

Wolverhampton wanderers !
I bet your surprised that I knew that ? and I didn't need to Google it 🙂
I do actually like a bit of mash..but not with a roast...usually sausage..onion rings and gravy...
This is a sad fact...i can manually peel a small sack of spuds in 10 mins...I timed myself on Saturday night...just out of interest..
I expect Mr fishy has one of those posh potatoe rumbler things...probabally switched of now as he must be learning to handle those robotic hips...i do think of him daily when I'm tending to the bleedy cockerel that's still here....he's become a bit of a legend at the pub..spose Harold was a good choice in name...another legend...!
He should be honoured really to have such a fine c**k named after him...have a good one deanooooooo ....aka wolfman
Mwahhhh

The dam trouble is...
Do you select square with little bits of the required image...Jr just a while !
Dam confusing...old al would never cope x

Deano,

I was pointed in your direction tonight by two separate people.....They said your the bloke in the know, who would tell me hpw to change my username. When I do it, I get an error message. I want to change it to Julie....I am Julie and yeah that is it really. I am sure you know a man, who will know a woman, who will tell me how to do it. Failing that, you can tell me yourself.....

Happy Monday night, and thanks in advance.....

Julie x

A random, irrelevant alert -

Your name change slipped me by. Now i find it a toss up between you and Oldham who has the worse affliction regarding your footie teams. Therefore i will offer you the same that i have offered to Oldham and thats to make you a honoury LUFC supporter. Just let me know and i'll send the necessary initiation rules over !!

In my past on this forum, i've also been up for name changes, I first was a broken ' Pauls mug ', then after some succesful abstinence and my arrogance grew i became ' ex mug ', this never lasted as i got caught up in the ' dry c.g ', my present ' volcano ' tag came about from random explosions of anger and also living under mount Taranaki, where my ex was bought up. The perfect circle volcano, a thing of awe and beauty and a big bearing on my life.... A little irrelevant there, but thought i would share on this lazy sunday morning.

My ' salt of the earth ' bricklayer line, stems from an interview with an old accentric contracts manager who interviewed me years ago, its also a theory i have with regards to site management. The majority of s.m's are ex chippy's, they have a better eye for detail, the ex b.layers have the eye for sequence, and also the lessons they learn from the good rare hod carriers..... Another irrelevant i thought i would share.

I meant every word i said on yours and Oldham's challenge. It is very admirable of both of you in giving up your time in keeping that thread going. Giving sure beats recieving. A note for me! I used an excuse in bailing out, my initial excuse was seeing a ' zzzzz ' from my greatest fan, but that would be a lie. So, i bailed out as i still dont have faith in my recovery and a lidetime of being a hipocrite is something i'm working on leaving in my past.

I love seeing posters evolve and with you and many others, i've witnessed in black and white how your minds have opened and come to respect this nasty addiction. Glint, has just said something to me and thats ' never become to comfortable, keep on your toes and keep evolving '

Have a good un.....

Hello Deano.

Ian Rush a boy hood hero hai ! From a Leeds fans perspective, A thieving S****e like Robbie.. A little rant there.

I get what you said me on your post about being sometimes uncomfortable here on this forum. It can be very toxic and frustrating. I know for one that i've been guilty of both on quite a few occasions. Even in the past couple of days, i've thought about just throwing in the towel with this forum and either having my gamcare life deled or letting my diary fall of the gamcare cliff. Yet, i know my present state of mind has an element of ' f****k everyone ' which i know will subside in time. So for now just holding on, laying low and pushing myself through some boxes that need ticking.

In recent times, i've used my confusing postings as a way to download some revertabrating thoughts swirling around my mind, mostly work / people related or identifying bad traits within myself. Rambling here and going no where fast......

Had no intention to either look at gamcare today, let alone post. But then saw your line about ' this being your final comment on this forum ' If it is, i wish you well, but never say never !

Srength and honor Picasso

Hope all is good with you after your post on another thread.

KOKO and BW,

CW

. To slow for me to bother posting

Deano,

I love the tree planting idea. I was out mowing the back lawn earlier, and got a great satisfaction from it, and have took up walking. I watched that programme about Mind over Marathon too, and I think there is still a massive stigma around mental health. It is changing but I recognised signs of my 'bad times' in some of those people. Very powerful to watch. I do miss seeing you around, but I have a sense that your there. You seem in such a good place and that makes me happy.

Have a great start to the last week of April, take care.

Julie x

Hello me Old Mucker :)) .

Not sure what your calling yourself these day's ? There used to be a shoe shop in the old day's called " Freeman , Hardy and Willis so maybe you could give one of those a go if you run out of ideas ? LoL .

What the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF ! How did you get yourself so moderated huh ? , I couldn't even manage that in all my mad ravings on here , so you must have been a Weally Nawty Boy :)) . Must admit when I saw your post about hitting gthe Gym so often and growing things in your garden it didn't take me long to put 2and 2 together and think " What's he growing " and " is he on the treadmill " in order to learn to run faster ? There's also reports of bright lights and heat coming from a garden near you ( didn't say " your garden ) when a certain sheds open ! :))

Glad to see that apart from being silenced a little . it hasn't turned you away from your recovery ( even if I do hate that word ) and that your racking up serious time now Gamble free , well done brother I had all the faith in the world you would :)) xx.

I've just spoken to the " Landlady " and said I'll give me diary a bit of a dust off any day soon and have a catch up , lots has happened obviously , It'll be the same tosh as before but there's a few laughs along the way ( just like old times then ) , I've discovered " Downton Abbey " on the box set's ? and have an appointment with the Job centre tommorow to see if I'm fit for work , despite just having a hip replacement 12 day's ago, I have to answer questions like can you raise your hands and if so can you pick up a heavy box FFS ? Perhaps their going to offer me work as a professional " Mexican Waver " until I can Fry fish again eh ? ( apologies to any Mexicans on the forum ) :)).

Talk to you soon Dude , love to all xx

Oh and cheers for the " Robots " ( that's why you were Moderated you f ) xx

Sorry mate just popped out for some wicker sandles :)) .

To be honest I'm bored shi:less at the moment , don't get me wrong I'm enjoying time catching up with people and chatting with everyone else that seems to be on esa huddled around the Coffee van in the centre of town but not working is a feeling that doesn't sit well with me , the highlight of my day today was having an eye test and tommorow I'm in for my bloods at the local diabetes club , ( Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ! Cant wait !! ) . Seriously though it's not that bad just a bit frustrating not being able go get on with things , that being said I'm all on top of my paperwork and all accounts dropped in to my accountant , also used the time to shop around for better insurance quotes for the shop and my car and saved about £ 300 quid which is a bonus :)) .

I'm just so pleased this didn't happen when I was gambling otherwise I know full well how I would have spent my hours and you could go through a fair amount of dosh in 3 months couldn't you :((

I find it strange not having work on my mind and getting into a regular sleep pattern , when I finally go back to work I'll have to close at 8pm so I can get to bed early , the one thing I can't get used to though is having to sleep on my back for 6 weeks and having to build a wall from pillows to stop myself rolling over that the big Trump would be proud of ! .

Glad to see you out and back in society me old mucker , is it " Parole " or have you been fitted with a " Tag " ? :0)) LoL !

"Eeeeeh bah Goom " doesn't seem to be about much these day's does he ? , I've left him a message so I'm sure I'll here from him soon ( sorry Martin x ) he knows I'm only kidding :))

Your robots seem to be doing their job well guarding the empire and I can see how much people are pleased that "YOU " suggested it LOL ! , I just had one saying spot any petrol stations but I failed because of one that apparently had closed through lack of trade over the hill ?? .

Good to hear from you Deano and I hope you and your's are all well old friend :))

Just found a new highlight for tonight , cleaning the chicken skin off my laptop that was just on my fork as I typed , it's all over a certain letter so I'll see you soon "Eano" :))

Kisses xx

8 months' ? " Shut the front door " Serious congrats mate but where the hell did that time go ? It's all that time at HMP Gamcare in solitary :)) .

Flowers and birds eh can't really picture you and that but I spoke to one of my regulars today whilst walking , he takes all my scraps down to the slipway by HMS Warrior and feeds the Seagulls , probably about 200 hundred weight of food and that just started off as few birds and they've now installed huge speakers on the ship which broadcast birds in distress noises just before sunset each night so they don't roost on the ships masts but obviously sincve I've been closed theyv'e all bugg,ered off in discust at the lack of munchies available LoL .

Off to check on my Gas and Leccy prices now :))

Stay safe Bud xx

Dear diary I could probably rattle on for another 1000 pages about how life is now I don't gamble , instead I'm going to use you to share my experiences as an addict, starting with the biggest topic on the forum (DEBT)

I started borrowing money around the time I bought my house I'd never really been a saver living life to the full when I lived with my parents I probably blew through 800 quid a week the majority of my wages back then, tbh bills came as a bit of shock to me as I only paid 50 a week at my parents house , we moved out as my wife was pregnant with our first child , on top of the bills the house we moved to needed a lot of work , around Christmas 2006 I headed into town to buy the furniture for the baby's room. By one in the afternoon I'd lost the lot , having no where to turn i decided to go in the bank for a 2500 pound loan , I walked out the bank with 15 grand great I thought I can get everything and have the house ready for when the baby is due ,

Over Christmas I was either working on the house or gambling some days I'd win some I'd lose , slowly but surely the money was going out , January 2007 the wife went into hospital as there was a few complications, so I didn't work a lot in January, I was in the hospital or gambling in between visiting hours , 14th of Feb baby was born some 6 weeks early , I told myself no more gambling the responsibilities have changed and you have to change with it , being born early nothing fit she was a dot so I had to go to town under instruction to buy everything again, embarrassingly the promise I made to myself was short lived and I was gambling the same day, whilst people were holding my newborn child I was feeding 20 pound notes into a machine faster than the Bank of England could create them,

By march the 15 grand had gone ,

April had come and one Saturday I was blowing my wage trying to cover my losses and I lost the lot including the bill money , on my return home I prayed and prayed for a miracle that pray was answered that very night when my dad won a large amount on the lottery, he gave me and my sister a large amount each , great I thought I can clean the slate , a chance at a fresh start , wrong over a period of 3 months I blew through the lot , this is when my borrowing went through the roof I need to cover my tracks , credit cards blew through them and then overdrafts blew through them , it seemed I didn't have a limit as to what they would give me , by 2008 I was almost 30 grand in the hole and was just scrapping enough to pay the minimum on the accounts then the recession came , my time was up no more borrowing I'd maxed out the endless pot , they probably saw I'd earn nothing for about 4 months and I was behind on my mortgage aswell , I stopped paying everything I couldn't afford anything, the red letter were coming thick and fast I lived in fear of the letterbox , I made sure I was up everyday I even used to sit at the window waiting for the postman so I could run down and get the letters before anyone saw them , I lived that way for about 2 years , I became wise to the red letters it seemed they had a system the first softly softly the second more of a demand the third were coming to your house,

The next letter one and that system repeated over and over

2009 we had a holiday abroad I hadn't been away from the post box for over 2 years, my holiday was filled with dread as to how many letters would be waiting on my return , I sat on the balcony one night and contemplated throwing myself off just to end my misery , I must of cried for about 2 hours on the balcony,

But I decided to go back and face the music , upon my return was letter 1 2 and 3 , I just kicked them under the mat and thought not yet

Thus the cycle continued for about another 12 months

Late 2010 I was months away from getting married that's when I just spurt out I can't live like this anymore and I want you to know before we get married I have a serious gambling problem,

No mention of the 30 grand debt that came a few months later after rushing home to get the post i found my wife having a miscarriage on the settee , this was now grinding me to a pulp a few weeks later I noticed a letter had been kicked under the bed , my wife was that bad she needed counselling for the loss of our child. How had I not noticed? I'd not noticed because I'd become to wrapped up in my own problems I'd failed to see what was going on in front of me , I left the letter on the bed , when she saw it she broke down in tears , that's when I told her how much I was in debt , part of me thinks she already knew , she was just waiting for me to tell her , the next day she helped me set up an Iva , by this time with fees I was almost 43 grand in debt , all that time I was hiding and burning letters was to cost me a further 12 thousand pound , thankfully today I owe no one anything and I wouldn't borrow money as long as I live because that was the hardest period of my life living in fear ,

In ten weeks time I'll be going back to the holiday place I was at back then only this time I'll be ten months bet free and I don't care what post will be there on my return, I'm going to enjoy it

I often ask myself if I'm a good person, the short answer would be no I'm not , I can't let my past define who I am today but I can make sure I don't make the same mistakes and that I will,

So if you're reading this and you have debt just know that one day it can all be gone that's if you chose not to hide and do something about it ,

Peace

Nice post Deano x

Good share Deano .

When you look back like that and detail how bad it was and now 8 months gamle free you see it for all it's madness and sadness it's almost impossible to be speaking about the same person but you and I have to realise when in the grip of addiction ,then sadly we were capable of anything and the frightning thing is that as bad as that period of your life was it could still have continued to downward spiral and become worse still .

Be proud of who you are now my friend :))

Kisses xx

It's great that you're in a better place Deano, and a much deserved holiday to look forward too. Enjoy the rest of the weekend