Quitting on the back of a win / My Recovery diary

Quick update - Not gambled or had any urges since my bit of luck, been working really hard this week.

I have read your posts and can identify with everything you say..except my drug is blackjack not slot machines.

Hope you are able to quit !

Happened to be in a pub earlier after meeting a friend. Not agood idea really.

I put a few quid in a fruity and ended up £15 in profit (which meant i'd been to the cinema for free) Felt bad for going on it though as it's been too soon since i last gambled and i had the old "i'm going to jackpot this machine" mentality.

I thought about what i was doing and left, gratefull for my luck.

You seem to be having a bit of luck lately, which is always dangerous as you probably feel that you are playing with their money.

If you read a lot of the diaries you'll see that most people have been through the phase of "if I only gamble a little I'm ok", then revert back to their old selves.

Been there, done that, 30 years later still struggling.

You seem to have reduced your gambling a hell of a lot, so well done, only you will know how much you want to give up completely.

Thanks for the comment. My gambling is a problem to me even when i win, as it's only realy a reprieve and it draws me back into it. A lot on here only seem to want to give up after a bad losing streak i've noticed. It's sort of understandable though.

I've had a little luck lately and i'm grateful for it but i'm on guard against it at the same time. When i have a winning streak i start having problems. I start to think i'm invincible and that it's going to happen more often than it does in reality. It's even gotten to the point where i've won on a machine and played it so much in the weeks aftr trying to repeat the win that id start to wonder when anyone else had time to put any money in to fill the machine up.

I plan to bury myself in work. My boss bought me a pub lunch earlier and i've only been working with him 2 days so i must be doing ok.

Last night i threw away 20 quid, on the same machine i jackpotted a week ago. Fairly obvious it wasnt going to pay and i got into a mode where i knew this and didnt really care.

After i'd lost i was in a bad mood and had a huge argument with my gf. We're basically coming to an end of the relationship as she's put on weight and i don't find her s**y anymore due to it.

My life is a big mess right now.

As for the gambling...i need to avoid chasing now but i have urges today as is to be expected.

I feel like a fraudster on here for slipping so many times.

Did it again last night, lost £10, tried to withdraw more money out but couldnt cos the machine wasn't working. Came so close to chasing. Left my full bank card at home tho but still i'm an idiot.

I'm considering self excluding from this night club now but it's the only lively one in my area but i cant resist the bloody fruit machine in there. Probably too old to be night clubbing anyway now.

One win and it sends me into a gambling frenzy and i'm feeling like an idiot again.

Going to bury myself in work this week, my new job has weekend work available so i'll probaly start doing 70 hour weeks. It's all walking though so i hope my body can handle it.

Anyway that's todays update on my sad life.

Hi f,

From what I can see, in the early days beating this problem is all about breaking old habits and routines.

If you know you gamble in a certain place at certain times then you need to change what you do.

For example, I used to gamble every day on a fruit machine in the cafe next to where I work with my change from buying lunch.

This wasn't a compulsion so much as a habit.

As soon as i realised this I stopped going to the cafe. At least for a few weeks and starting taking my own lunch from home. This broke the old routine and eventually the habit. Now i can go into the cafe happily and not even look at the fruity in there.

Gamblers are creatures of habit. And as I said... changing your usual routines can help to break these habits.

If yours is, go to club, play a particular machine then maybe the answer is to change where you go for a few weeks. Maybe go to a local pub instead... go see a film... go bowling... what ever floats your boat.

Just an idea for you.

SF

Thanks for the comment, you're right and i would change to going out elsewhere but that place is the liveliest place in the city on a weekend...and anywhere else would probably end up with me spending loads on drink or gettng in somewhere. Plus there are fruit machines everywhere and being near one that i know has been emptied recently as opposed to being near ones that in my mind might be read to pay out would be worse i think. It's terrible that i think like that i know.

I'm really fed up with it all and i'll be hunting a new gf now so will be out more.

I think i need to just bury myself in work and go cold turkey from the machines and then try find a night club that doesnt have any machines (i tend to find clubs like that boring and it jus means i spend more on drinking etc)

Just a quick update...struggling a little as more money comes my way. Gambled and lost a tenner the other day and felt a mug for it...but i have worked more this week than i have since january so i'm not going to fuss about it as my savings are going up and up.

Delivering leaflets is a tough business though...people think nothing of those leaflets that come though the door but let me tell you when you're walking around with 3000 of them on your back and out delivering for 9 hours a day it's HARD work.

Anyway i'm off, got 9 hours of delivering to survive tommorow lol.

Having read my recent posts...i'm thinking £40 is a lot to lose in a week.

Won £10 last night, then when my mrs went out to smoke i gambled and lost it, then tried to blame her smoking for losing. Ended the night with her crying as usual. Fairly dark times.

The only real good thing nowadays is that i'm getting paid more than ever and have a lot of savings because of that. It's a struggle to behave wisely and not throw it away though.

Must realise that i can't win because i can't stop is true

Last night i didnt go to the club as i was in the mood to gamble and my gf couldnt come out so i would of just stayed on the fruit machine all night and spent a fortune. We watched movies and had pizzas instead.

Can't wait to be back at work on tuesday really lol. I get very bored nowadays.

I've built up over a grand in savings but now i have to avoid the feeling that i'm loaded and that gambling is a "treat"

Gone and done it again, going to have to work this weekend to cover my losses...i'll just never learn.

Any penny that isnt stolen from me by the local council i give to the fruit machines.

I feel so low nowadays. Sick of it all.

The only time ive got off work in the next 2 weeks now is a day to have an operation....great life