reborn on the 4th July

Holiday nearly over back to work Sunday , had a really good rest slept a lot and ready for the challenges of work that I know r gonna be tough , not booked anymore time off now till end of June so from gambling point of view is great and hopefully be too exhausted to think bout it then , all been well just be short of 6 months then but this is now and today I av not gambled no urges either

Just read the sun newspaper and read the problem page which I must admit always do and there was one guy like ourselves with a similar story to ours couldn't kick the gambling with all the grief that goes with it , the reply for me was very basic and no mention of gamcare when I look at some of the advice given on here think we cud all do a better job just goes to show know one really knows the mind of a gambler like a gambler or even better a gambler in recovery

Saturday , had to plan this day very carefully as this was probably my hardest day to date last time I was off work , so taking my daughter to her ballet class this mornin then off to the football match got a free ticket which saved me 25 quid then straight after picking my daughter back up so should be a straight forward day

Overall been a good week off just Tuesday with the massive urge but took my own advice came on read and posted

At the moment having to push myself to come on here not Hurd why , I av been on here every day since I started my diary not necessarily posted on my own don't know whether I feel I av too , scared of relapse , just breaking the routine or just having a couple of off days suppose time will tell

All I know is today I will not gamble

Hi Castle, I read your last post and I know how you feel! A saturday coupon is like a massive part of my life, a Saturday just doesn't feel like a Saturday without one on! I am only on day 2 and I'm feeling good but just need to keep busy till 12 when I leave for football. Got an away game today and the place has no bookies!!

I don't really feel like I can give people advice when I'm only on day 2 but the one thing that I keep telling myself is what I could buy my son or how much of a better life he could have without me gambling!

I hope you continue to fight your urges and you're doing yourself proud! Keep it up!

Hya Castle

Glad to see you're managing your urges by posting regularly. It's always nice to hear your updates and I used to do ballet, loved it!

Becky

Back to work today and ready for it , av enjoyed been off but there's always a lot of gaps to fill , managed to survive and battle the urges that came

Still feel as though going through the motions hopefully when back in the working world will help me snap out of it

Good evening,

Well it will be by the time you get this post. Spec you have a hard day. As I always find that after a holiday the work load has mounted up and it always takes me a day or two to aclimitise back into the swing of things.

re your last couple of posts. Just wanted to share my experiences . Maybe everyone goes through this may be not but I can see some similarities in the recovery journey.

When I first took the decision to stop gambling , my every thought was about not gambling or about dealing with the consequences dealing with the dept, the family disappointment ect. I suppose I was on a bit of a high , I had decided to deal with my gambling problems and I was .

Fast forward a while for me about 5 months and the high turned into a low. Not because I had gambled, but because I had come to terms with it all ,and subconsciously I think I expected everything to be a bed a roses. It could have been the anti climax, or it could have been realising that life can be quite boring.

I lost motivation, I struggled with completing every day chores, went through the motions as mentioned in your post and really only did what I had to do to keep things ticking over.

The rest of the time I would hide away , putting off house work, or the such like. When I did hide away I really struggled to maintain interest in what ever I was doing. I would read a couple of pages of a book, check this site, watch 15 mins of tele, play 2 hands of solitaire. Read two pages of a book and the circle would start again.

This week I have started to notice a change, I am starting to feel motivated to do things , and looking at things in different light.

I found that whole faze of my recovery , very frustrating and I was angry at myself for not being able to shake it off, and pull myself together.

I hope what I have written , has given you an insight into my journey and that by writing this I may have helped to explain the way you are feeling at the moment. There is a light at the end of the tunnel , I believe I am getting my mojo back , I have no doubt you will get yours.

Keep fighting the fight my friend

Dusty

Great post dusty it makes can't of sense , got a couple of days not lookin forward to one with work and other appointment at solicitors both need dealing with think I will be more settled after

Again all I know is today I will not gamble

Hi ya,

Hope your meetings are not too bad.

Keep us updated, if your anything like me stress can be a big factor in triggering a relapse.

Stay strong, my friend we are here to help should you need it.

Dusty

You back to work and me now off from work.

I hope that I will be able to survive those urges that will come my way sometime in the next two weeks.

Enjoy being back to work and being busy.

GT

Went ok today at work did what I had to do don't enjoy the having to be a hard but when staff don't perform and it affect me it leaves me no choice , I sometimes wish I had a nasty streak in me and don't feel sorry for people esp when the tears are flowing but it's done now , stress is one thing I av never suffered from when I av finished work I can generally switch off my theory is I go to work do the job to my best ability and that's all I can do work will be there when I'm gone

Monday night is my only night I go out for a beer and something I look forward to each week don't generally drink any other time , think it's important to me now esp now not gambling

Losing track bout time with gambling think it's 8 weeks or cud be 9 read a lot bout how people count the days week and not necessarily has a positive , the most important thing as I av not gambled today

Hya Castle

I've only been on here for 2 weeks and I've already started to forget the days! I fully lack that ruthless streak when it comes to work, I used to be a bar manager in a hotel but got sacked because I was told to tell one of the staff that she looked un-presentable and should put on more make-up! I couldn't do it! Hope u enjoy your beer mate.

Becky

Was off today but got to call in work now for a couple of hours ties in nicely with solicitors though not stressing too much bout seeing the solicitor not a lot to sort really dotting the I's and crossing she t's the tough bit starts when I av to talk to the ex most of the time we get on fine but any mention of the divorce word and the mood changes back goes up but got to follow it through can't survive financially other wise , the main thing is my daughters ok that there's no disruption in her life so far she has come out of this practically unscathed and av to give credit to the ex for that we always put our differences aside when it comes to her , I know parents splitting up is never great but it's surprising how resilient kids are esp at 6 just know enough but not too much , so watch this space for an update

Hi

Just wanted to thank you for your post.

Know you won't get this until after you meeting.

Fairy princess will be ok, she has a force field of love around her .

Thinking about you, stay strong.

Dusty

Thanks dusty solicitor went really well which I knew it would spoke to the ex and she kicked off again which I knew it would , just spent the last 3 hours writing a letter to her this way she can digest everything , I honestly believe she really thought that I was gonna carry on paying the mortgage and me end up losing my flat just so it doesn't upset her lifestyle like the urges I'm gonna av to fight this at the moment feel strong I am determined not to back down I can't and won't not stressing tomorrow is another day and see what that brings

Stay strong my friend.

Great idea writing a letter, really hope that it easies the tension and that she is able to compromise .

Take care, times like this really put our resolve to the test. Having said that get through this and the waters should be calmer.

Dusty