reborn on the 4th July

Really admire your honesty whats that old saying the truth will set us free. Sounds like your setting yourself free 2 me. Stay strong

Thanks Ronnie

My last two posts were important for me to write I had to put it in writing for my own eyes to see , yes it was personal and revealed a lot of information for others to read but I felt as though the time was right and would help me in my recovery , in my eyes I see now I'm fighting two addictions the the urges for gambling and the urges to give in to the woman I still av many feelings for , I realise it's putting added pressure on me but this is the only way I know how to deal with my problems by relating it to gambling , this way will give me motivation and strength I will add the process of taking it one day at a time

I have not posted on others diaries for the last 2 days mainly due to not feeling as positive and don't want to bring negativity to this site , having a good chill day today and that's helping be back on track soon

Hiya Castle,

Just popping in to say thanks for the message, and this being my first time on your diary read your last couple of posts.

I hope that writing everything out will bring the benefits to you that it has done for me, as I did similiar a while back. I can only explain it has I felt I just BURST ...and it went into my diary....I didn't feel too great at the time, but like yourself I felt there was great importance to it for my recovery. I'm in a much better place now...and I wish the very same for you in these coming weeks.

Take care & keep Strong.

Best wishes Del xox

No problem castle2 gud luck with tomorrow just be v careful atm with ur gambling recovery u mite b vulnerable after u c her at work so maybe just take a tenner to work wit u maybe.

Hope everyting works out 4 u

Hi,

I wish you well, I believe you have the strength and determination to address and resolve both the issues you are fighting.

It's a lot to take on with everything else going on in your life, you certainly do not do anything by halves lol

But total get that each is inter related to sort out one you must sort out another.

I truly hope from the bottom of my heart , that within a short space of time , each one becomes resolved and your life becomes a bit less like a battle field.

Your friend as always.

Take care

Dusty

Thought-provoking posts you wrote there and I hope that sharing them with us all helped you.

Both of you should be so proud of the fact that you have never argued in front of your daughter and that you have always put her first.

She will grow up into a fine young lady thanks to two wonderful parents!

Have a great weekend,

NT

Today went ok at work manage to av clear the air talks b4 work , stayed very strong and got my points across and she was fine but as the day went on it got harder and harder I know how much she is hurting but won't admit it I hate upsetting people most of the time so to see someone I care about hurting was even harder , anyhow I got through it and.i know I will feel stronger for it

The strange thing is that fighting this is having such a positive effect with gambling I av no thought or desire to gamble in any shape or form , now I honestly don't know if this is a good thing or not but today is today and I got through it , tomorrow is another day and I will see what that brings

Hi,

That's it keep going honey. It is hard putting yourself and your needs first. But as you have already sussed the alternative does not do any one any good.

Spect you will be watching the voice tonight, bout time it moved on to the next stage, and a well needed wardrobe change for those judges. Getting a bit tiresome now.

Hope you have a good rest tonight , and gather further strength to fight the good fight tomorrow.

Hugs from your second favourite fairy. X

hi castle

thankyou for your kinds words on my diary again you really are helping me, im so glad to hear today didn't go to bad and thats defo the attitude today is today,tomorrow is tomorrow take every day as it comes, you are right i think relapsing is a part of the process and im proud that i done 10 mins on the slots then realised what i was doing, stopped blocked all the sites with k9 and then started all over again on here 🙂 speak soon hope you have a great sunday hollie x

Well today I can honestly say I feel stronger just the same as resisting urges , the downside to all this is I know I won't be able to fully move on till I move stores and realistically that's not gonna be till at least next Jan so till then will av to fight and resist , go back to solicitors on Friday to start divorce proceedings that should take bout 6 months so my plan is just to get through this year not giving in to any urges on any fronts and be in a good position to start the year well

On another front iv been doin a lot of thinkin bout doin a course in counselling researched loads and goin to look into it tomorrow , I am doin this for a few reasons mainly I look at my job and don't think I cud do it in twenty years time I love the people side of my work having 35 staff to manage and that in itself is challenging everyone is different some with many problems , I had counselling myself and I totally understand how it works I had 8 sessions went in with my head screwed up blaming everybody for my gambling came out 8 sessions later knowing the only person to blame was myself I made the decisions to gamble yes there were reasons why but ultimately it was me who made them , what I liked was that she didn't tell me why I worked it out for myself she just listened and guided me , other reasons are I need to fill my time better the course will take bout 8 hours a week of my time which is perfect for when I don't av my daughter and also I need to get out and meet people and try and rebuild my life , been on my own doesn't bother me at all I am so domesticated but I do av so much love to offer so it would be a shame for it to go to waste just av to give it all to my gorgeous daughter she really is the only girl in my life

Good to read you are are so positive and you are a good thinker, so keep thinking 🙂

All the best Wilsy

Evening,

I think that is a fantastic idea, it would not suprize me if it turned out to be your passion. ( like Dunc cooking lobster, or fairy cakes lol)

That job takes a lot of empathy , with the should I say patient. And someone who has been through i t are best placed to provide that, with everything you are going through , you would almost have life experience of everyone who walked through the door problem. From addiction to relationships.

So I give you a great big vote of confidence on that one.

Have a really good week , stay strong on every front.

Dusty

Made enquiries into counselling course today next start date is may but it's on a Tuesday night 6-9 and that's when I av my daughter next courses are in September with different days so looks like I am gonna av to wait till then would like to av got into it sooner but gonna go to library and get some books and read up a bit need to stay with it and not lose interest with it been a long way off , that's down to me to make that decision so I am gonna try my best , it's a 7 week course just the level 1 the cost is 170 quid which most people would think quite steep guess for us guys it's pennies compared to the money we av lost through gambling , so I will make a concerted effort to update my diary on my progress reading up on it

Everything else in life is good not stressing bout anything off for my weekly beer glad those days av gone when I stopped off at bookies on way which often ruined my night I still av to walk past it but on urge whatsoever to go in I wouldn't give them the satisfaction to say knew he would come back they always do well not me Mr bookmaker Iv learned my lesson even if it was the hard and expensive way better late than never

Hi Castle

Glad to see things are getting better for you and really glad to see you exploring the councelling course. I think it's a really interesting subject myself and can tell that it's something that you would do quite well at.

Enjoy your beer 🙂

Hi Castle, thank you for your kind words on my diary. I really appreciate it. Glad things are going well for you 🙂 Stay strong and keep going 🙂