reborn on the 4th July

You sound like you're really focused and on top of things at the moment which is brilliant to read. Keep it up m8, I like the way you are emotionally in control and determined. A good place to be mentally, tale care, Steve.

Hey Hun,

Thankyou for the post.

Great to see that things are going your way atm when we make the right choices its funny how things just seem to fall in to place.I have no doubt you will deal with your friend when the time is right.

Keep that head held high.

Stay Strong

E xx

Had a very small urge last night but it soon passed , the good thing is I know why which was I was on my own and not got to get up the next mornin usually I would work late and start early

It's just a gentle reminder of what's still living inside me and ready to pounce at any given moment

I now have over 300 posts on my diary in just over 3 months and wouldn't like to guess how many I av posted on others diaries , I reckon in time it must be on average an hour a day

All I do really know is that I need this site if I'm honest I get just as much from giving support as receiving it I can feel the difference in myself if I av posted for over an hour the strength it gives me the positivity it brings to me drives me forward

Would I relapse if I didn't av this site is a question I ask myself and the answer is at the moment I'm not ready to find out , I know I am a stronger person I know why I gambled I know it's down to me to make that choice each day for the rest of my life but this site has helped me to become that person everyone who has supported me and given me advice and it fills my time

I know what makes me stay is that opening post from someone who is needing help their opening post which always mirrors mine in so many ways this for me is a constant reminder of where I was and who I was and more importantly where I don't want to go back to

The question will always burn inside me when will I be normal , but whilst ever having one small urge I know it is not now

Life is for living and today is today so I will enjoy it I cannot change what tomorrow brings but I do av choices what I can make

All I do know is I will choose not to gamble

Very true m8, spot on

you doing terrific job castle and wish you all the best on your way to full recovery... we as a CG have to be vigilant all the time, but apart from gambling free life there is another advantage - when you keep carefull eye on yourself then you getting much more knowledge about yourself, you can name and address your feelings and recognise your problems - that s what I have noticed anyway, so thats make us a better person, contrary to gambling which makes us a hateful haters.... all the best again. K (18 days)

Yo,

Well done for resisting, dam holidays .lol

Sending you one of my hugs , just to let you know your support is valued and gives the reader , me especially as much as it gives you.

Sadly I do not think we ever become normal , what ever normal is. But I do think we can with support live a life which is gambling free, and for a million reasons will be a better life.

To coin a frase,

Keep on keeping on,

Dusty xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Castle,

Strong strong post there and so pleased you passed the test with flying colours when that B*****r came knocking!

Normal, em good one!

Not sure there is a normal, we are all so varied and that's what makes us human.

Totally agree about this site too

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy 🙂

Hello Friend,

Normal!! It's a brilliant word. I personally don't actually think it exists in that I don't think any human alive could meet the dictionary definition of Normal. It's what makes us all unique and we will often say that person isn't normal and then that exact same person will say exactly the same about us.

I think my point is we decide if We are normal and we probably aspire to be normal in our own eyes. I think with our addiction the barriers and the guards will need to be there indefinitely but I also don't think we cannot reach our personal normality in time.

Wow I waffle! I think beyond the normal which was only a v small part of your post you really have to praise yourself for what you are achieving daily.

I respect everyone who is fighting this addiction but on this site there are a few people who I really look up to as they offer honesty,hope and endless support you my friend are one of those few.

Just keep being you, normal or not!

Flagg

Castle,

Great last post. When I post on new members diaries I suggest they should spend as much time on their recovery as they did their gambling. You are a shining example of somenone who has put their heart and soul into their recovery. Three hundred plus posts shows incredible commitment. Hard work will always get rewarded. You are experiencing some of the rewards already in terms of self pride at your achievement and the happiness we both experience in knowing that we are beating something that beat us for so long. Your commitment to others on this site is remarkable and has been consistent throughout. You are an important part of the forum. We both came to the site within a few weeks of each other so we have probably been able to monitor each others progress throughout that time. It always makes me happy to read an update on your diary and makes me happier to see how strong you are in your recovery considering you have faced difficult times. So, in summary, a big pat on the back for your progress so far and for your continued support of others. I only meant to type a few lines but I could go on all day.

Tomso.

Sat here thinkin how to word this takin everyones feelings into consideration

What I am bout to write is for my own benefit in part of my recovery I need it in writing what I am feeling in black and white so I can look back on to see where I was with no journey

Here goes , watched BGT last night just like I av watched all week thoroughly enjoyed it . Now I av always had a good eye and feeling for who wins these sort of contests and this week it looked likely it was between the dog and the opera couple until the last act came on a guy called Ryan and he blew everyone a way plus he has one of those stories writes all his songs for a girl who won't go out with him he also shouldn't be on the show has he was on another which he quit to be on this one

I knew he had a massive chance of winning it and av convinced myself of it with the logic dogs get so far but never win and opera neither look av subo so guess what had the most massive urge to bet of Ryan got has far has checking the odds which I will not say and was so tempted

The way my mind is working at the moment is I thought I cud place a controlled bet win collect lose no problem and I honestly believe I cud av done that

So why not ?

My reasons are I need this site and the support that is on it and I need to support others and that I don't feel I would be able to

I then thought on Saturday I wouldn't be able to enjoy the show with having an extra added interest watching it with my daughter and not giving her the full attention she so much deserves

So why write this ?

Well whilst writing this and putting my feelings down on my diary I can visually see what an idiot I was been and before I I did this I couldn't see that

I fully believe without this site I would av placed this bet probably 10 or twenty quid this I can now spend on something more important , so a valuable lesson learnt

On Saturday I will now enjoy the show like the other 99% of the country and cheer who I want to win

Does it matter if Ryan wins or loses ? No not really the most important thing is I did not gamble

So today back on the rollercoaster not gonna beat myself up though as I know it will make me stronger

Nice one m8. Very proud. You reasoned with yourself and came out a winner. The old self pops up with me all the time. Using this site is a great help, once you put it in black Nd white you can spot the danger signs. With me I know there is no such thing as a harmless bet, keep it up, put a barrier inside your head now to stop you being interested in these shows bettongs, when that interest arises shove it back by thinking 'no!' I have to do this all the time, it's difficult, I can't even afford to allow myself to have imaginary bets, they're like 'free spins' in my mind and we all know where they lead to. Hope this makes sense, well done again, keep strong, enjoy the victory, Steve.

Good morning my lovely,

In my special box of magic fairy potions, sadly there is not one that I can offer you that will stop you getting a compulsion to bet for the rest of your life.

We can do our best to fight this by understanding why we bet, we can talk our selves out of having that bet because our sensible part of our thinking has defeated the Monkey on our back. It matters not our reasoning for not having that first bet, be it family , this site, dept. All that matters is you talked yourself out of it.

You could knock me down with a feather, if one person on this site has not or will not have the same thoughts that you did yesterday. But you my dear dear friend stayed strong and strengthen your resolve.

Please do not beat yourself up over having the thoughts, it is part and parcel of this bloody addiction.today be proud, very proud that your recovery is still in tact.

And walk just that little bit taller, in that knowledge.

Now on to the important stuff.......

As much as Ryan is very talented , and I have no doubt he has an amazing future. Us fairies need to stick together so I will be cheering Pugsy on Saturday night.

May even vote, ( that will be a first)

You take care, was going to send you a hug , but a high 5 seems far more fitting.

Dusty xxxxxxxxxx

Well done in not placing that bet Castle! Think of how much time you've spent on here, how many posts you've made, and comments you've received... placing that bet would have made all of those become meaningless. You're spot on as well with your assessment of that £10 or £20 you were going to bet with - next time that impulse comes along, think of your daughter, what that money could mean to her. Maybe think about setting up a savings account for her, and if it ever happens again, put the money you were thinking about betting with in there - i'm sure you'd feel a whole lot better for it.

Hi Castle, thank u 4 ur kind words and support on my diary 🙂

Well done for staying strong, u should be really proud of urself!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi castle

Being off work is really tough , too much time to think !

A massive huge well done for not placing that bet on Ryan , just shows that even when we come so far the little buggers are always lurking !

I like the idea of a savings for your daughter

Keep going mate , you are a real inspiration on this site and a big thank you from me for all your support

Getting really excited for next week but must not go out on Friday as don't want to feel rough at wembly , so next week it will be rough Sunday lol

Roll on the premiership !

Tale care

Still merry smiling Lucy